December 28, 2004
VCWC Spreading Its Wings
The Vast Center Wing Conspiracy is growing by leaps and bounds! In honor of our now having more than 25 members, I have finally opened the Cafe Press store I meant to open last year. So go buy some fine VCWC products!
Look, they make lousy Christmas gifts, so who cares if it's after Christmas?
October 18, 2003
The Vast Yankees Conspiracy
Round and about the blogosphere, I've seen a few comments blaming George Steinbrenner for the Red Sox's loss in the ALCS. Not directly, but through such comments as "Looks like outbidding the Reds for Aaron Boone paid off." Or "Joe Torre had nothing to do with the win; it's George Steinbrenner's buying players from other teams." As if Steinbrenner had anything to do with Grady Little's allowing Pedro to pitch to Matsui and then Posada. Or the fact that Nomar couldn't produce a hit until Game 6. Or that the A.L. batting champ suddenly looked like a mediocre hitter.
It is patently absurd to believe that Steinbrenner had something to do with the Red Sox's loss. That is just fantasy. George wasn't using his big bucks to pay Grady Little to make bad managerial decisions. He wasn't bribing Nomar and Bill Mueller to hit like crap. No, he was not. That was, in fact, me. Yes, I harnessed the enormous resources of the Vast Center Wing Conspiracy to prevent the Red Sox from winning, à la Cigarette Smoking Man and the Buffalo Bills (hard-core X-Philes will get the reference). What we have here is a Vast Yankees Conspiracy. So in recognition of my fessing up, for the duration of the World Series, this site will have a Yankees theme. After that, it will revert back to its normal look.
Oh, and one more thing to all those "he buys championships" folks.
Derek Jeter
Mariano Rivera
Alfonso Soriano (even if he couldn't get a hit in the post-season to save his life)
Jorge Posada
Andy Pettitte
Bernie Williams
Nick Johnson
April 15, 2003
Attack of the VCWC
It's been a banner week for the VCWC. First, we gained a new member. Welcome aboard to the Centrist Coalition!
Second, charter member and regular reader Justin Havens has had a letter to the editor published in the Idaho Statesman. There's just no stopping us now!
January 22, 2003
Membership Drive
All right, I think it's time to take the VCWC on the road! I'll be setting up the store to sell VCWC shirts and mugs, so let's try to increase the membership. I'm counting on all current members to get out there and spread the word. People can join by posting comments here, sending me an e-mail, or whatever.
It'll take a little time to get the store set up, because I need to get an uncompressed version of the logo over to one of the on-line storefronts (e.g., Cafe Press or Cafe Shops) so they can take it from there. The prices won't be prohibitive even at a low volume, since they make their money out of doing this type of small volume fulfillment across many little storefronts. But even so, let's get out there and increase our membership. Woo hoo! We're taking over even faster now.
January 21, 2003
Logo Crazy
I got an e-mail from a reader who wonders if I'll be putting the VCWC logo on t-shirts, etc. Hey, I'm amenable to it, but is there a market? Let me know what you all think. If there's enough demand, it's a done deal.
January 04, 2003
Day Whatever The Hell It Is of the VCWC
All right, co-conspirators, give a big shout out to Byoi!, a new recruit in our fast-growing army. Byoi!, your decoder ring and brainwashing tips manual are in the mail. We don't know who they're going to, but after waiting for 45 minutes to retrieve a small package at the local post office today, we're fairly sure that they won't be picked up anyway.
December 13, 2002
VCWC Web Ring
The Vast Center Wing Conspiracy, in its ongoing attempt to infiltrate all parts of your lives, has now got a web ring. You must join. Or else. Click on More to obey orders.
November 30, 2002
Day Something-or-Other of the VCWC
Our vastness is an ever-expanding phenomenon. Please welcome #8, Andy of the World Wide Rant, to our midst.
As I noted that with all the numbers floating around, we are taking on ominous Prisoner-like tones, I have decided that if people ask us what we want, we should answer as follows:
"Information. We want information."
Should some non-cooperative sort tell us that we won't get it, we should reply "By hook or by crook we will."
Furthermore, I am on the lookout for a large white beach ball.
Be seeing you!
November 16, 2002
Day Four of the VCWC
Apparently being head of a vast conspiracy pays off. The day after I annointed myself head of the VCWC, I discovered that my boss was taking another position within the firm, meaning I have an excellent chance for a promotion, and the firm reinstated the car allowance program for SVPs and above. They are even making it retroactive to August. Coincidence? I think not. Clearly they were awed by our tremendous political power. It also shows how quickly word gets around in fantasy political conspiracy circles.
November 15, 2002
Day Three of the VCWC
Membership increased another 50% yesterday. Our vastness knows no bounds.
To the person who got here through a Google search for lederhosen-style Bavarian bondage dresses, we make this commitment to you - Enlist in the conspiracy, and we will leave no stone unturned in helping you find a website that sells them. And we know some people who might actually know these things off the tops of their heads. Remember, we are really ominous.
Next up, I think we need a logo and a motto. I'm getting to work on that, but any suggestions are welcome.
November 14, 2002
Day Two of the VCWC
It was a banner day for the VCWC as our membership quadrupled*! We're like an unstoppable juggernaut.
So far we've only gotten one vote for the cartoon character icon for the VCWC -- The Tick. If we wind up with the Tick, it will mean that our motto will have to be "We're big. We're blue. We're inept." Of course, that may work.
*Okay, look, I know it only went from one to four, but it's all about the marketing. I have to put that fancy NYU MBA to use. My employer sure paid enough for it.
November 13, 2002
Day One of the VCWC
The Vast Center Wing Conspiracy has been in effect for a full day now. Unfortunately Vast appears to be a vast overstatement, as nobody else has joined. I'm finding it difficult to maintain vastness on my own.
I've given it some thought, and have decided that my biggest mistake was in using the cartoon character of He-Man to characterize it. I mean, let's face it, he's dull. Skeletor was the way better character. Even the tiger was more interesting than He-Man.
Therefore, we need new, improved cartoon representation. Right now I'm torn between Cerebus the Aardvark and The Tick. But I'm open to other suggestions, so let me know your thoughts. The VCWC Wants You!
November 12, 2002
Vast Center Wing Conspiracy
I hereby anoint myself head of the newly formed VCWC. For too long, we moderates have been denied the ability to involve ourselves in fantasy political conspiracies! For too long we have been thrust aside and ridiculed as pansy ass wimps who can't take a position! No more! We are the He-Men of the current political environment - We have the power! We're not afraid to use it. We will take over your political parties. Mock us at your own peril.
Our Platform:
We will starve the elderly, but only after we make sure they have a nice, hot meal. You know, maybe a nice piece fish; a glass tea; two tasty side orders; a nice big piece apple pie for dessert.
We will privatize Social Security. Well, not all of it. Just a few parts. Maybe not even that much, just give you the option to invest it yourself. If that's okay with you.
We will kick puppies, but only while we have really soft, large pillows strapped to our feet.
We support school vouchers. Unless you think we shouldn't.
We will cut government spending. Okay, not really, but it sounds nice. We want our pork too. Except those of us who are kosher. But we promise not to increase it any more than it already is. Unless somebody really wants us to.
Yes, join the VCWC now! We really have a message!
