Plum Crazy

What If?

What if Monster Abraham Lincoln and Monster Thomas Jefferson decided to get together and attack Washington D.C.?

Quickie Movie Reviews

With Oscar season in full swing, I've been making it a point to see as many of the contenders for major awards as possible. In short order, I've seen 6+ films. Thought it would be an interesting exercise to run down the list in order and provide thumbnail reviews.

Notes On A Scandal: taut, riveting drama with superb performances by Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett. Both deserve nominations for best actress.

Babel: best story is the one about the deaf mute Japanese girl. Neatly links together four story threads that show how the smallest moments ripple throughout the globe, and how, despite the interconnectedness of the world, we really still can't communicate with each other.

The Queen: lighter fare than I expected. Quiet and dignified with an excellent Helen Mirren actually making Queen Elizabeth II a likable, sympathetic figure who is not sure how to mesh tradition with the demands of the modern world.

Little Miss Sunshine: thankfully rented this one through pay per view. Could stomach maybe only half an hour of this utterly depressing movie that made me cringe. Would like to make it through the whole thing, but I don't know if I can.

Pan's Labyrinth: no light fairy tell this one. A dark, grim movie, oftentimes brutal, but a top notch story demonstrating how we all need escapism from the real world. Deserves a nod for Best Picture period, not just Best Foreign Language Feature.

Venus: Peter O'Toole remains vibrant and charming, yet it's a highly disturbing story that is difficult to bear.

Letters from Iwo Jima: on a par with Babel and The Departed as a best picture candidate. In its quietness, despite the subject matter, it's similar to The Queen. Deftly humanizes the faces behind the war and makes you care deeply about the Japanese soldiers who are doomed from the start. It's amazing how Clint Eastwood has transitioned from star to one of the best directors of the last 15 years.

How To Beat The Movie Concession Stand

Step 1: on a cold winter day, wear an oversized down parka

Step 2: stuff two cans of diet coke into each pocket of the coat

Step 3: open and drink one can during movie number one (Notes On A Scandal)

Step 4: in between movies, leave the theater, cross street, buy a candy bar, and eat bar before reentering theater

Step 5: open and drink second can during movie number two (Babel)

Total cost: $1.35 $1.65

Marginal cost: $0.75 for candy bar

I Wish I Had An Oscar Golden Statue

Shakespeare's Sister wants to know:

Fill in the blank: When the fuck is ___________ going to win an Oscar?

She fills in the blank with Don Cheadle. I fill it in with Peter O'Toole.

Yes, that's right. Peter O'Toole has never won an Oscar.

No, that lame-ass "Lifetime Achievement Because We Should Have Given You An Oscar Oh Only About 7 Times Now" award doesn't count.

"Lawrence of Arabia"
"Becket"
"The Lion in Winter"
"Goodbye, Mr. Chips"
"The Ruling Class"
"The Stuntman"
"My Favorite Year"

I'm pretty sure he's going to be nominated this year for "Venus". My prediction is that he'll win it out of the "Holy shit, we've fucked this up so many times before" guilt factor, much the way Paul Newman finally won for "The Color of Money". Which is not to say that O'Toole will deserve it for this particular role. But fuckin' A, you morons at the Academy cannot let him die without winning a real Oscar.

Portions for Foxes

I admit that I don't get or particularly care for the video, but the song and lead singer are hot.

Check it out:

Portions for Foxes

UPDATE: Embedded video removed to prevent it from screwing up Mac browsers and auto-playing in Windows browsers. Link to video is above.

Psyched!

Read an article in today's NY Post that the Sci Fi Channel is developing a prequel to Battlestar Galactica. Set 50 years in the past, Caprica traces the development of the Cylons, those mean nasty toasters that have the human race on the run in BSG. It's touted as a family drama, not a sci-fi show; still, I can't wait for this to air. BSG is awesome!

Who Dies?

I was going to do a post that I'm glad Lt. Gaeta didn't get bumped off on Battlestar Galactica and is back in the fold (not that I really thought it would happen), but something else caught my attention on the show's video blog: Who dies? Apparently one of the top 7 or top 10 characters will be killed off this season and various actors on the show postulate whom it might be. First order of business, who are the top 7 characters on the show. Here's my spin:

The first three are easy.

1. Admiral Adama
2. President Roslin
3. Gauis Baltar

Now the going gets tough.

4. #6 (she and Baltar are tied at the hip; can't have one without the other)
5. Lee Adama
6. Colonel Tigh
7. Boomer

Would be interested in hearing other takes on this. Cue Lesley.

As for who might be bumped off, Aaron Douglas (Chief Petty Officer Tyrol) speculates that it might be Lee, and that makes sense. He's not critical to the show - the top 4 are the only ones critical to the show - and it would set up a nice subplot in which Admiral Adama has to deal with the death of his other son. He gets my vote as the most likely to be bumped off. The next most likely in my book is Tigh. He's a major character and would be another big hit for Adama. Otherwise, the list is endless. Boomer, Starbuck, Helo, or the Chief, to name a few. My bet is on someone key, though they did knock off Billy last year. Stay tuned.

Update: On second thought, it could be Starbuck. Adama is closer to her than Tigh. He loves her like a daughter.

The Doctor

Doctor Who?

Exactly.

5 episodes into the 10th Doctor, and I'm fairly sure that David Tennant is my favorite Doctor ever*. Up until this season, the 4th Doctor, aka Tom Baker, was, unoriginally, my favorite Doctor. Christopher Eccleston, the 9th Doctor, was my second favorite.

There's just something about David Tennant's portrayal, however. He's got some of the goofiness that endeared Tom Baker's Doctor to me. But by his third episode, he had managed to keep that, yet work it into something more mischievous, something more transcendent. He's taken episodes that should be as cheesy as any other Doctor Who episode, but, IMO, managed to rise above that and take the entire episode with him. Part of the fun of Doctor Who is its cheesiness (really, aliens that resemble silver traffic cones with plungers sticking out their heads are wonderful), but Tennant's managed to retain those elements while turning them into something better.

Spoilers will be brought forth, so if you don't want to know, don't go below the fold.

You start to see this in Tooth and Claw. Now, if you're a Doctor Who fan, you might be thinking "Queen Victoria. Evil, fighting monks. An alien cum werewolf. How can this not be as cheesy as anything that doesn't contain Daleks?" Somehow, though, it isn't. I'm not going to go as far as to say it's really good television, but it does manage to transcend the cheesiness of that plot. Part of this is David Tennant's obvious fun at playing the role and speaking with a Scottish accent. Since he is Scottish, the latter shouldn't be a great surprise. It may well have just been easier for him to speak with a Scottish accent than the more proper English accent he adopts as the Doctor. Regardless, it works.

Tennant really starts to come into his own, though, in School Reunion. The subplot with the intelligence-sucking aliens (it's a bit more complex than that, but leave it as is for now) is somewhat annoying. However, the main plot - the reunion of the 4th Doctor's primary companion, Sarah Jane Smith, with the 10th Doctor and her ultimate bonding with the "competition", Rose - is fantastic. Tennant manages to portray the Doctor's mix of emotions at seeing Sarah Jane again astonishingly well. His joy at being reunited with her. His pride in her achievements. His sadness at knowing that she will continue to age and, eventually, die while he remains alive. His ability to get Rose to really understand that one day, she will no longer be his companion either. It's here that you first begin to see what will define the 10th Doctor. The joy of time travel, of exploring the universe, sweet yet bitter as intermingled with the loneliness of being the last Time Lord in a universe where all other creatures, all other friends, will eventually die. In a way, this makes him the most rounded of all the Doctors.

The Girl in the Fireplace cements this incarnation of the Doctor. It has been the best episode of this round of episodes. Again, the bare plot wouldn't lead you to think that. A seemingly deserted spaceship with a series of time windows onto the life of Madame de Pompadour. Clockwork creatures in 18th century French costume trying to scavenge her brain to power their broken spaceship. The Doctor appearing through these time windows to save her. On the face of it, it sounds quite silly. But it isn't. It's haunting. In part, the music that plays under the scenes between Madame de Pompadour and the Doctor contributes to that feeling. In part, the portrayal of Madame de Pompadour by Sophia Myles (who was great in Art School Confidential) contributes. The most important element, though, is David Tennant's ability to play sheer exhilaration always tinged with loneliness.

The only criticism I have of the episodes with Tennant is not one against Tennant himself. It's that the characters of Rose Tyler and Mickey Smith become increasingly irrelevant as Tennant plays against his guest stars. I think that Billie Piper and Noel Clarke just can't stand up against him. I almost find myself wishing that the 10th Doctor would travel without companions, freeing him up to interact with the people he finds without the distraction of his companions. That, though, would not be true to what Doctor Who is. As Billie Piper is departing the series after this season, here's hoping Freema Agyeman, her replacement, can stand up to David Tennant's Doctor.

Long live the 10th Doctor!

*Other than an abiding affection I have for Rowan Atkinson's portrayal of Doctor Who in a Comic Relief sketch. Of course, it's not serious, but the thought of Edmund Blackadder flitting about through time and space fighting plunger-headed aliens and Jonathan Pryce as the Master is awesome. This particular sketch had the added benefit of Joanna Lumley becoming the final incarnation of the Doctor, the first, and likely only, female Doctor. She and the Master ran off together.

A Productive Day

I had a most productive day yesterday. The third season of Battlestar Galactica starts this Friday, and I wanted a refresher on the first two seasons. Granted, there's a disk - Battlestar Galactica: The Story So Far - that would do a nice job in refreshing my memory, but for a SciFi geek like me, that's not good enough. Instead, I want to watch the first two seasons again. Married life, the marriage and honeymoon, and Rosh Hashana last weekend left me far behind, having seen only the miniseries so far. So yesterday, I decide on a marathon: the first six episodes from season one. I started the day first by catching up on Stargate Atlantis - I missed the final three episodes of the season - and then segued into BSG. I managed to sneak in a total of seven episodes yesterday and could have done the whole season - no TV burn out here - if not for dinner plans last night. Today shall be equally productive. Another episode down, four more to go, which I will find the time to get in. Then season two is up!

The Groovy Thing about iTunes

You can hear that Brian Wilson got the win for the San Francisco Giants one night and be listening to the Beach Boys Greatest Hits the next night.

Cross posted on THTRB.

Rockstar: ???

So apparently the supergroup formerly known as Supernova will have to change its name, after a court injunction was issued in favor of the original punk band Supernova.

Regardless, did I tell you that the supergroup formerly known as Supernova was one I was destined to dislike? They didn't choose Toby after all. They went with Lukas, the one I liked least. So now I can feel totally free to completely ignore them. In fairness, I probably would have done that anyway.

Except Jason, dude? You're still metal. I look forward to the day you leave them and return to your roots.

Chapter 2180

In which I confess my embarrassing love for the reality show "Rockstar: Supernova".

Let me make one thing clear right from the start. Supernova is a band I am destined to dislike. Consider the following:

Gilby Clarke. OK, so Gilby did some interesting things back in the day. The day meaning the time before he replaced Izzy Stradlin in Guns 'n Roses. But since then? Look, I never liked Guns 'n Roses, and that's the genre he seems most into these days. I wish he'd go back towards the punk genre he started in. He was so visibly excited when Dilana said she was going to sing a punk rock song. He clearly loves it. But it doesn't seem to be what he's performing these days. Therefore, strike one.

Tommy Lee. Ah, Motley Crue. Yep, never liked 'em. Tommy is a funny guy, but he's not getting paid to talk in Supernova. He's getting paid to make music, and I do not like his music. Strike two.

Jason Newsted. Dude, what are you thinking? You were in Metallica! You are metal. You are awesome. You do not belong with Gilby Clarke and Tommy Lee. This saddens me. However, since your last stint with a straight-up rock band lasted for, oh, about a year, I have doubts about how long you'll actually be able to stick this out. The metal. She is calling you. Heed the voice of your love. But you are not strike three. Not by a long shot.

Their original music. They've played a few songs now on the show, and I haven't liked one of them. I'm under no illusion that my taste in music is any predictor of mainstream success. No, I take that back. It may well be negatively correlated. If I don't like a band, it could be an indication of high potential for mainstream success. I'd have to run the numbers. Back to the point of this paragraph, though. I just don't like their music, and that, my few, my happy few readers, is strike three.

So, given that I will dislike Supernova, why do I watch this show? Why do I love this show? The good news is, I mostly don't have to listen to Supernova. I get to listen to some talented singers sing non-Supernova songs. And Dave Navarro. Dave Navarro scores high on my awesome meter. He's not Henry Rollins or Joey Ramone (sadly no one is Joey Ramone anymore), but he is up there. Look, I know some of you are going to point out that he wears mascara and nail polish. That his fashion choices can best be summed up as "satanesque". To which I reply: Your point? He's hot, deal. It's fair to say that devilish androgyny works for me. Back in my wayward youth, I totally crushed on the lead singer for Dead or Alive. Just thinking about how he looked back then... And Tim Curry in fishnets and a teddy..

But I digress. On Planet Lesley, Dave Navarro = hot + awesome = woo hoo! [Maths quiz for you all. If Dave Navarro = hot + awesome, what does Jason Newsted equal? Reread my paragraph on Jason to help you solve this equation. Answer below the jump.]

On to the performances themselves. Generally, I enjoy watching these. I'm not a fan of "American Idol", since it contains two things I don't like* - singers who can't sing and people singing Whitney Houston songs. Singers who can't sing singing Whitney Houston songs is a geometric progression of things I don't like. It becomes a thing I hate. "Rockstar: Supernova" is not like that. All the performers are professionals. They've recorded and performed regularly with their own bands. They've just never made it big. Further, they also (pretty much) sing rock songs. Not much pop. No country, or at least not country that is un-rocked up. No Broadway show tunes. No one's insisting they show their "range" in order to sing with a band that won't be performing, you know, pop, country, or Broadway show tunes. Just singers who can sing singing rock songs that I mostly like. This is A Good Thing.

Now that we're into the final week, let me address the remaining rockers. First, in one way I was sorry to see Storm go last week, as I think she's quite talented and has a good stage presence. On the other hand, she is not the right person to front those three guys. That is not an insult (see also my explanation of my destined dislike for Supernova).

Lukas. OK, see post below for my thoughts on Lukas. I just don't care for the guy. I know he's got hordes of screaming fans and, you know, fine. He's definitely got edge and a stage presence. But his musical stylings just don't work for me. If any rabid Lukas fans happen here, good on you. This is a personal preference. You're totally entitled to love the guy and think he's the greatest thing since the vibrator. I know you're out there, and I don't think you're nuts or stupid or anything insulting for it. So don't tell me on my blog how stupid or whatever you think I am. Go to one of your happy little message boards and tell the world about it. I don't think he'll win, but IMO, he's the second most likely to do so. The band reacts well to him.

Toby. Not my cup of tea. But he's got a good voice and people seem to react well to him. I think he's going to win this contest. He's a good time rocker, and Supernova is heading in that direction (again, see my destined dislike for this band). So, to quote Toby, "Evs".

Magni. Magni rocks. Love him. Love his musical choices. Great voice. Muted stage presence, though, so not right to front this band. If they ever do "Rockstar: Coldplay", though, he is totally their man. Or "Rockstar: Live", because if he shaved the goatee, he and Ed Kowalczyk would be like twins.

Dilana. Wow, I love her voice. She doesn't have the greatest range, I'll grant you, but neither does Mick Jagger, so what does that mean? No one's asking her to sing outside her range. She also has phenomenal stage presence. She really works well with the band, too. She is hands down my favorite of the rockers. For weeks, I thought, "She's the one." In many ways, I still think that. But her reaction to the disastrous press clinic kills her chances, IMO. She really freaked out afterwards. Unfortunately, if you're going to front a high-profile band, the media pressure is going to be enormous, and I don't think she can handle it. Most people couldn't, so that's not an insult. It does, however, have to be a big factor in deciding who you're going to put in that position.

In order of likelihood of winning, IMO: Toby, Lukas, Dilana, Magni. We'll find out on Wednesday if I have any grasp of Supernova "reality".

*If you are an "American Idol" fan, do not take that as an insult. My likes or dislikes are precisely that - mine - and are not intended to cast aspersion on those who disagree. Unless I explicitly state otherwise. In this case, I do not.

Jason Newsted = Dave Navarro - hot

Showing my work:

Dave Navarro = hot + awesome
Dave Navarro - hot = awesome
Jason Newsted = awesome
If Jason Newsted = awesome, and awesome = Dave Navarro - hot, using the transitive property of equality, Jason Newsted = Dave Navarro - hot

Sci Fi Totally Hooked Me Up

geek

10 original webisodes of Battlestar Galactica! Sweeeet! Plus the teasers for Season 3 look awesome!

/geek

King Stephen

The only problem with picking up a Stephen King book is that you have to put it down at some point. Unless you park yourself on the sofa early in the morning and read all day. Today's a perfect day to curl up with the King book I'm reading, Dreamcatcher. Gloomy outside. Nothing better than a spooky book in the gloom and doom of a tropical storm.

Snakes On A Movie Review

What can I say about Snakes on a Plane? Perhaps that it achieves levels of awesomeness that only a movie featuring Samuel L. Jackson fighting snakes on a plane could achieve. Few things could be more awesome. Maybe Christopher Walken fighting snakes on a plane. Or, even better, Samuel L. Jackson fighting Christopher Walken and the snakes that Walken put on the plane. Either you will appreciate this, or you will not. If you won't, you will hate this film. Don't see it. But if you will, buy yourself a ticket.

If I were to level one critique at this film, it would be that the writer and director forgot that there is only one reason to see this movie. To see Samuel L. Jackson fight snakes. On a plane. They spent far too much time setting up the action. And for what? This isn't a great plot. It's not even a good plot. So why waste time trying to get it to make sense? It just doesn't. No criminal mastermind is going to try to bring down a plane by putting snakes on it. Cut right to the part where Samuel L. Jackson fights the snakes on the plane. No one cares why the snakes are on the plane; it makes just as much sense, and it gives the audience what it's waiting for sooner. But once you wade through the too long set up, the movie pays off on its selling point in spades.

BTW, best line in the movie is not, in fact, "Enough is enough! I have had it with these muthafuckin' snakes on this muthafuckin' plane!" No, it is not that. It is the line Samuel L. Jackson utters after the poisonous snake expert tells him that someone put a pheromone on the plane to drug the snakes and make them act aggressively. "Great. Snakes on crack."

UPDATE: Forget what I have to say about Snakes on a Plane. If you don't care about spoilers, go see what Geoffrey Chaucer has to say about it.

No Thank You

I took a pass on United 93, and despite the positive reviews from the NY tabloids, I will take a pass on WTC as well. I lived through 9/11 and don’t particularly want any reminders of that awful day, at least not yet. Too soon. May always be too soon. I probably feel the same way that people who lived through it feel about Pearl Harbor movies. At a distance, born twenty-four years after Pearl Harbor, I have no problems seeing movies about it. I suspect that my Mom and Dad and other people of their generation would or did.

Check It Out

I just snagged the two Spiderman flicks and the first two Superman movies on Amazon.com for $35 total. These are new DVDs. I haven't explored to see how wide this blow-out sale extends, but worth checking out.

Superman Returns

Awesome (though not as good as the original). Seeing it in IMAX 3D, mindblowing. More to follow.

Will I Return?

I have decidely ambivalent feelings about Superman Returns. On the one hand, I love larger-than-life superhero pictures. From X-Men to Spiderman to Batman Begins to the first two Superman movies, my favorites of all times, I crave the excitement, the world-is-ending story lines, the special effects - the whole spectacle. The buzz so far is positive for Superman Returns. However, the first two were so good - and so different than the current incarnation, which appears X-Men like - that I'm not sure about seeing the movie when it opens next week. For me, Christopher Reeves will always be Superman and Gene Hackman will always be Lex Luthor. I don't know whether I can handle a serious verious as opposed to campy and humorous take on the comic legend and an evil instead of funny Luthor. The tipping point may be that Superman Returns will be playing in IMAX and 3D. Like Cars, which I decided to see after learning it was playing in DLP at the Ziegfeld Theater, I may not able to the resist the lure of Superman in such an eye-popping format. My mind will be made up next week when the first true reviews come in and the movie is in front of me.

Dear J.J. Abrams

If, in fact, rumors are true and your planned Star Trek movie will center on the early days of Kirk and Spock at the Space Academy, the idea of casting Matt Damon in the Captain Kirk role is, well, ludicrous. Matt Damon is almost 36. William Shatner was only 38 when he first started playing Captain Kirk. So that 2 year age difference? Yeah, so not going to work. Try an actor in his 20s.

Thanks for your kind attention to this matter.

Two Great Tastes That Taste Great Together

No, I reference not chocolate and peanut butter, although they are two great tastes, and they do taste great together. However, today I am talking about Superhero movies and Bollywood movies.

Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings at a single bound -- look, up there in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane, it's ... Krrish?

Movie insiders say the film is set for huge success because not only can the eponymous hero tackle villains and save the world, but he can also do so while singing and dancing -- a talent Hollywood superheroes such as Batman and Superman have kept hidden under their supercloaks to date.

I so have to see this movie.

Age of Consent

So yesterday I'm watching the trailer for "Marie Antoinette", and all I can think is "Wow, so New Order predates the French Revolution. Sweet!"

Seriously though, how good could this movie be if the trailer consists solely of scenes featuring Kirsten Dunst running around to a New Order song? No dialogue is heard. So unless the entire movie consists of a soundtrack of 80's New Order music and Kirsten Dunst, which, to be fair, seems unlikely at best*, I'm guessing this will not be a good movie.

*Although if it does, I'm so there just for the New Order soundtrack. On the other hand, I could just play my New Order songs on my stereo. Yeah, never mind.

Hello, My Name Is Inigo Montoya

Hooray, The Princess Bride is coming to DVD on 6/13. It's too late for me to wax poetic about this wonderful and charming movie. I will let Roger Ebert's review do all the talking. One movie I must own.

Because What Isn't Improved...

...by having a drunk, sarcastic robot?

Yay! According to Fry Billy West, 26 more episodes of Futurama are on the way.

Hey, A Sci Fi Meme!

The Countess points me to a list of the 100 science fiction books you have to read. She then lists the ones she's read and the ones she wants to read. So in lieu of actual thinking right now (I'm giving myself a facial mask, which is not conducive to seriousness), let me do the same. Listed below the fold.

Books I've read:

• Foundation by Isaac Asimov (actually I've read all the books in that series.)
  
• Dune by Frank Herbert (ditto for the books in that series actually written by Frank Herbert. Twice.)
  
• Frankenstein by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
  
• 2001: A Space Odyssey by Arthur C. Clarke
  
• Ringworld by Larry Niven
  
• The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin
  
• Heritage of Hastur by Marion Zimmer Bradley (again, read all the books about Darkover.)
  
• The Time Machine by H.G. Wells
  
• Dragonflight by Anne McCaffrey
  
• I, Robot by Isaac Asimov
  
• Brave New World by Alduous Huxley
  
• 1984 by George Orwell (this still stands as the most depressing book I've ever read.)
  
• The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson
  
• Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
  
• Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll (I am surprised to see this on a list of sci fi books, although it's a personal favorite.)
  
• The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams (along with all the other books by Douglas Adams.)
  
• The Lathe of Heaven by Ursula K. Le Guin
  
• Hyperion by Dan Simmons (a matter of preference, as I did not like this book at all.)

Books I want to read:

• All the books on the list by Robert Heinlein
  
• All those by Philip K. Dick
  
• Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card
  
• Lord of Light by Roger Zelazny (I've read and loved all the Amber books, so I figure I'd like this.)

Any suggestions for others on the list I haven't read or named as books I want to read?

What have we learned? That I haven't really read any Robert Heinlein, and how can I call myself a sci fi fan and not have read any Robert Heinlein? I must rectify.

The Withdrawal Begins

It just hit me now. No new episode of Battlestar Galactica tonight! What's a girl to do?*

*Oh, all right, hush. I went out both Wednesday and Thursday nights. I'm going out tomorrow. I am way too tired to go out tonight. It's a book or DVD for me.

Inquiring Minds. . .

. . . want to know. Who's the basis for Bob Dylan's Positively 4th Street? Who pissed him off that much?

Party On

I do want to see Dave Chappelle's Block Party. It's gotten solid reviews - NY Daily News loves it and Roger Ebert likes it - but I think I'll wait for it on DVD. Chappelle made me a fan with his brilliant comedy in Undercover Brother. Yet I'm not 100% intto his regular shtick. I could never quite get into his cable show. So I'll wait for the DVD. In the meantime, I need to get around to this year's Oscar contenders. I've only seen two of them - Munich and Good Night, and Good Luck - and I'd like to see Syriana, too.

Mr. Lutor

Says here that Kevin Spacey is playing Lex Luthor in the upcoming Superman Returns. Well, he definitely has the hair line for it, but phooey. Although he can camp it up, he's probably going to play the role straight. There is only one Lex Lutor (how Ned Beatty's character pronounced Luthor) and that's Gene Hackman. He was a riot. All he wanted was a little beachfront property: Australia.

Beam Me Up Scotty

First chewing gum. Then bone chips. Or first bone chips. Then chewing gum. Among celebrity items that have become collectibles in this mixed up world. You can now add William Shatner's kidney stone to the list. He sold it for a cool 25k to GoldenPalace.com, an online casino that plans to include the stone in a tour of unusual items. Granted it, he sold it for charity, but this piece of drek sold for more than my fiancee's engagement ring was apprised for. What a world. What a world.

Yet Another Reason to Hate the Record Labels

Their insane licensing fees. Because, you know, there's nothing like stifling the desires of consumers to really make them want your product.

More often, though, skyrocketing music-clearance fees are becoming major stumbling blocks for DVD reissues, often delaying or even completely derailing releases. Take "WKRP in Cincinnati," for example: The 1970s sitcom used so much classic rock that it would cost 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment a mint to clear the tracks. Fox has suggested that it still is considering releasing "WKRP," but others are not optimistic that the comedy and similar shows of its kind will ever make it into the market.

The record labels really need to get over themselves. There is no right for them to make outsize profits in perpetuity.

Music for the Masses

There's a transit strike. It's cold(ish) outside. And I'm sitting at my desk at home listening to music. I want to share. So enjoy (please don't stream).

Playground Love by Air.

This will expire.

Idol Thoughts

I frequently have the same conversation with Lesley about American Idol. Of the rock stars of the last fifty years, who would actually have stood a chance in their younger days to win. The show is all about looks, voice, stage presence, and the ability to sing a wide variety of music. There are certain Hall of Fame rockers who never would have gotten past the first round while there are others who probably would have won hands down. Here's my take on who would have gotten the shaft and who would have made it through.

Losers
Bob Dylan - can't sing and ugly
Bruce Springsteen - can't sing
Paul Simon - too short and not good looking enough
Rod Stewart - bad voice and not especially attractive
John Lennon - doesn't have the looks or the voice
Neil Young - no voice, no looks, and the original grunge artist

It goes to show you the fallacy of American Idol. Some of the greatest and most successful artists in rock history, not to mention the most talented (Stewart excluded), couldn't cut it in today's world of teen idols.

Winners
Paul McCartney - looks and voice
Elvis Presley - ditto plus great presence on stage
Cher - voice, looks, and personality
Judy Collins - voice and looks
Michael Jackson - a true pop phenomenon in his younger, saner days
Roger Daltrey - looks, voice, and charisma

On the Cusp
Mick Jagger - ugly as sin but great charisma
Joni Mitchell - beautiful voice but average looks

Anybody I missed?

Waltzing Jon

Cool. Thanks to my Fun Cash dollars from the Columbia House DVD club, I am getting The Last Waltz for shipping charges only. All in all about $4. Perfect.

Friday Random Ten "We Have the Technology" Edition

Finally, I have broadband internet access, telephone service, and cable television in my new apartment!

The Race - Yello
Canon - Pachelbel
Union City Blue - Blondie
I Don't Care - The Ramones
Dead End Street - The Kinks
Why - Bronski Beat
Brand New Low - Treble Charger
Sultans of Swing - Dire Straits
Let Me Sing and I'm Happy - Michael Feinstein
Riders on the Storm - The Doors

Window on the World

Never doubt me about all things John Hiatt. Yesterday, a co-worker was listening to a song - Window on the World - that I immediately recognized as a John Hiatt tune. It wasn't Hiatt singing, but I commented that it was a Hiatt song. My co-worker insisted not. I insisted yes. This morning, I dug up the tune on Hiatt's Beneath This Gruff Exterior cd. Monday I get to say I told you so.

A Real Junkie

It's been ages since I listened to the Cowboy Junkies. I lost sight of them for years, but a co-worker has a best of CD, and it's in the player right now, reminding me again of what I enjoy so much about the group. I really like their mellow, bluesy band of rock and roll - it's a funky sound - and the voice of Margo Timmins. Might wind up listening to it all day.

Miscasting?

Already dubious about seeing Leonardo DiCaprio in the upcoming Martin Scorsese movie The Departed, I have more reason to doubt. DiCaprio stars opposite Matt Damon in the movie, playing an undercover cop who has infilitrated the Boston mob and is beginning to become unglued. Damon, on the other hand, plays a mobster who has infilitrated the police. I really think Scorsese has the roles backwards. I much more see Damon, who is the more accomplished actor, as the cop in too deep and trying to maintain a grip, while DiCaprio, who comes across as a punk, seems better cast in the less demanding role of a hood. Of course, going against the obvious could be a master stroke. It worked wonders in Showtime's drama Street Time, in which Rob Morrow was cast as the hood rather than the cop and Scott Cohen was cast as the conflicted and dark cop rather than the hood. Time will tell.

Quid Pro Quo

I avoid Leonardo DiCaprio movies like the plague, but assuming that my current girlfriend is still in my life next year, which is a safe bet, I will have no choice but to see him in Martin Scorsese's The Departed. Judy wants to see the movie because part of it was shot in the bar owned by the family of a child she teaches. Because the parents live in the same building as the bar, she has been in the bar on numerous ocassions, most recently on Sunday.

There, however, will have to be a quid pro quo. We must see at least one, preferably more, George Clooney movies. Judy doesn't like Clooney because not enough of the money he and other celebrities raised for 9/11 families went to the families. She saw him making excuses why on a talk show and hasn't been a fan since. Well, tough luck, I say. He's a much better actor than DiCaprio and much more likable. He's also cut his teeth directing two movies, including the stellar Good Night, And Good Luck, and owns a piece of Section 8 productions with Steven Soderbergh. Thus, when Syriana opens, we are seeing it, unless it gets putrid reviews.

Friday Random Ten "Budget Season" Edition

Budgets still consume my life.

Super Freak - Rick James
Blue Skies - Betty Hutton
Junco Partner - The Clash
Dear Prudence - Siouxsie and the Banshees
Avalon - Roxy Music
Autumn Shade - The Vines
You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real) - Sylvester
1977 - The Clash
Downtown - Petula Clark
I Am A Man of Constant Sorrow - John Hartford

The Hills Are Alive...

...with the sound of crying.

Yes, Julie Andrews haters, suck it up. The opening to The Sound of Music makes me cry every single time. I see Julie Andrews on the hill top, arms spread wide, twirling around while the music swells, and the waterworks just start. You're all heartless, heartless I say, to hate her and this movie! How did my readership ever attract such a high percentage of Julie Andrews haters anyway?

Another one that gets me is the singing of the Sabbath prayer in Fiddler on the Roof. Also at the end where they're singing about Anatevka. Even thinking about it makes me misty.

In Honor of the Weather

Wow, it's actually not raining today! So in honor of the ray of sunshine (it's not exactly sunny, but still), I bring you:

Go Sailor - Ray of Sunshine

Now Let's Go Electronic

Because you Can't Stop the Rock!

That 70s Post

So Michele has a post up asking for nominations for the most Underappreciated Artist. Not that this has anything to do with the general gist of this post, but I nominated The Stranglers.

Now that that's out of the way, in the comments section, someone nominated ELO. Suddenly I'm flashing back to 70s music. I start out with "Strange Magic" and segue into "Don't Bring Me Down". Next thing I know, the words "I see my Marianne walking away" are running through my head. (Okay, I know that's Boston and not ELO, but my mind is leaping from 70s band to 70s band).

What's the next stop? After Marianne walked away, I had breakfast in America. And now here I go again, I say I want my freedom. Well, who are you to keep me down? In the high school halls. In the shopping malls. Conform or be cast out. Well, I tried to make it Sunday, but I got so damned depressed. That I set my sights on Monday, and I got myself undressed. And can you see, that I don't know if it's you or if it's me? Nothing really matters. Anyone can see. Nothing really matters. Nothing really matters to me.

Anyway the wind blows...

Friday Random Ten "Could We Get Any More Rain" Edition

Yes, iTunes provides me with my random mix of music for this meme.

Tired of Waiting For the Sun You - The Kinks
Pencil Rain - They Might Be Giants (that really is the name of the song)
A Fine Rainstorm Romance - Fred Astaire
Overture to a Rainshower The Nutcracker - Tchaikovsky
I Wanna Live Dry - The Ramones
Masters in this Raincloud Hall - Yuletide Strings
Psycho Therapy is what I'll need if this damn rain doesn't stop - The Ramones
Lorelei - Tom Tom Club (sorry, I didn't know what to do with a one word song)
Rain on Rape Me - Nirvana
Te Deum - Charpentier (didn't know what to do with this one either)

Hey Ho! Let's Go!

Go what? Vote for the Ramones in The ASV Rock and Roll Hall of Fame: Punk-Off Poll!

Because, like I said during the nominations:

I so would have done Joey.*

*Just in case you were wondering what TC's comment on the Motley Crue post meant.

The Definitive Answer to Whether or Not Motley Crue Is a Hair Band

I rest my case.

See comments on this post at Michele's.

And Loving It!

Normally I don't blog celebrity obituaries. But I think this one deserves mention - Don Adams.

Like most people of my generation, Get Smart was a favorite show. It was funny. It was clever. It had the best villains ever. Siegfried. The Craw (not Craw. Craw!). It had the Cone of Silence. The shoe phone. Hymie the Robot. Agent 13. And, for the male readers - Agent 99. Besides, Napoleon Solo or Maxwell Smart? Hands down, Maxwell Smart. [Although I'd take Ilya Kuryakin over either of them.]

It was also the show that spawned a million catch phrases.

Would you believe 100,000 catch phrases?

How about 7 catch phrases?

Missed it by that much.

Sorry about that, Chief.

If only I'd used my knowledge for good, instead of evil.

The old catch phrase trick. That's the second time I've fallen for it this week.

I asked you not to tell me that!

You know. Just thinking about it all still makes me laugh.

Farewell, Agent 86.

Sure, I May Be A Massive Geek, But...

...I am so looking forward to Serenity!

I'm not really sure how I missed the series when it first aired, but suffice it to say that I did. Truth is, I'm not normally up on the latest fall series, so I wind up missing a lot of shows from the beginning, only to catch up on them later in the season after all the buzz. [This, for example, explains how I didn't even hear about Lost until about 6 episodes in.] Obviously, with how short-lived Firefly was, I didn't get that chance. However, with all the talk about the movie, I wound up deciding to watch the series when Sci Fi started airing it again this summer. At first, I liked it, but didn't think it was mega-fantastic. But then, as I kept watching, I was well and truly hooked. So hooked that I wound up putting the episodes I hadn't seen on my Netflix queue so I could watch it that much faster.

Why isn't September 30th here yet? Okay, so I probably won't see it until October 1st. In which case, why isn't October 1st here yet?

Tiny Chicken Classics

Don Ho:

Tiny chickens. On my plate. Make me less hungry. Taste real great.

Peter, Paul, & Mary (or Bob Dylan for you purists):

How many tiny chickens must a woman eat, before you can call her full? The answer, my friend, is in the doggie bag. The answer is in the doggie bag.

Vanilla Ice:

Cooking MCs like a tiny chicken.

Simon and Garfunkel:

Look around. Sauce is brown. And the plate has a tiny chicken dinner.

The Beatles:

Happiness is a tiny chicken. Yum, yum, eat, eat.

The Rolling Stones:

I know it's only tiny chicken, but I like it, like it, yes I do.

Why, yes, I am massively jet-lagged. Why do you ask?

Still a Gigolo

I had finally managed to get Just a Gigolo out of my head. Then someone happens across this post and puts up a comment (blocked b/c the entry is old) with a line from the song. Man, this better not start going through my head again.

Bones

They are making a TV series, Bones, from a book series I don't even like. Should I watch?

Bogie or Archie?

Cary Grant's name came up during the group lunch following softball. I asked the question that I have been puzzling over ever since seeing the results of AFI's 100 Years. . . 100 Stars. Who is the bigger star: Humphrey Bogart or Grant? The AFI gave Bogie the nod. Grant was the unanimous choice at the lunch table, mainly because those voting were women. Looks and panache trump grit. For me, the call is tougher.

Bogart and Grant are both incomparably accomplished actors. Their careers spanned decades, beginning in the 1930s and ending for Bogart in the 1950s while continuing for Grant into the 1960s. They were the most bankable leading men of their day and displayed tremendous range in a wide variety of roles.

Based soley on acting talent alone, my choice would be Bogart. He played a broader range of roles than Grant and was superb no matter the part. His most common type was the heroic but down-and-out rogue, Rick in Casablanca or "Steve" in To Have and To Have Not. He went against type in such stellar movies as The Caine Mutiny, where he played the paranoid and high-handed Philip Queeg, and The Treasure of The Sierra Madre, in which he played a raging lunatic. He was believable and splendid in both roles. Grant, on the other hand, wasn't quite as versatile. To be sure, he could handle drama and comedy equally as well and is the best comedic actor of all time. Ultimately, however, he always played the same role: the smooth-talking and likable charmer. He simply didn't venture as far afield as Bogart.

Adding other factors into the mix tilts the balance back toward Grant. He was more dashing than Bogart and had immense personal appeal. Not that Bogart didn't - he was still likable as a thief in High Sierra - but not quite to the extent that Grant did. Grant was the embodiment of charm. That's where I run into problems, however, because Bogart was as charming, only in a different way. In the end, while Grant is my personal favorite, I have to go with the AFI on Bogart, since he was the better actor. Who's your choice or do you prefer Jimmy Stewart or Marlon Brando, who were third and fourth on the list?

Everybody Live for the Music

As if by magic, another meme comes along to make up for my lack of original thought.

A.) Go to musicoutfitters.com
B.) Enter the year you graduated from high school in the search function and get the list of 100 most popular songs of that year
C.) Bold the songs you like, strike through the ones you hate and underline your favorite. Do nothing to the ones you don't remember (or don't care about).

The year was 1982, and a young Eddie Murphy taught us all to laugh.

1. Physical, Olivia Newton-John
2. Eye Of The Tiger, Survivor
3. I Love Rock N' Roll, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts
4. Ebony And Ivory, Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder
5. Centerfold, J. Geils Band
6. Don't You Want Me, Human League
7. Jack And Diane, John Cougar
8. Hurts So Good, John Cougar
9. Abracadabra, Steve Miller Band
10. Hard To Say I'm Sorry, Chicago
11. Tainted Love, Soft Cell
12. Chariots Of Fire, Vangelis
13. Harden My Heart, Quarterflash
14. Rosanna, Toto
15. I Can't Go For That, Daryl Hall and John Oates
16. 867-5309 (Jenny), Tommy Tutone
17. Key Largo, Bertie Higgins
18. You Should Hear How She Talks About You, Melissa Manchester
19. Waiting For A Girl Like You, Foreigner
20. Don't Talk To Strangers, Rick Springfield
21. The Sweetest Thing, Juice Newton
22. Always On My Mind, Willie Nelson
23. Shake It Up, Cars
24. Let It Whip, Dazz Band
25. We Got The Beat, Go-Go's
26. The Other Woman, Ray Parker Jr.
27. Turn Your Love Around, George Benson
28. Sweet Dreams, Air Supply
29. Only The Lonely, Motels
30. Who Can It Be Now?, Men At Work
31. Hold Me, Fleetwood Mac
32. Eye In The Sky, Alan Parsons Project
33. Let's Groove, Earth, Wind and Fire
34. Open Arms, Journey
35. Leader Of The Band, Dan Fogelberg
36. Leather And Lace, Stevie Nicks and Don Henley
37. Even The Nights Are Better, Air Supply
38. I've Never Been To Me, Charlene
39. '65 Love Affair, Paul Davis
40. Heat Of The Moment, Asia
41. Take It Easy On Me, Little River Band
42. Pac-man Fever, Buckner and Garcia
43. That Girl, Stevie Wonder
44. Private Eyes, Daryl Hall and John Oates
45. Trouble, Lindsey Buckingham
46. Making Love, Roberta Flack
47. Love's Been A Little Bit Hard On Me, Juice Newton
48. Young Turks, Rod Stewart
49. Freeze-frame, J. Geils Band
50. Keep The Fire Burnin', REO Speedwagon
51. Do You Believe In Love, Huey Lewis and The News
52. Cool Night, Paul Davis
53. Caught Up In You, 38 Special
54. Why Do Fools Fall In Love?, Diana Ross
55. Love In The First Degree, Alabama
56. Hooked On Classics, Royal Philharmonic Orchestra
57. Wasted On The Way, Crosby, Stills and Nash
58. Think I'm In Love, Eddie Money
59. Love Is In Control, Donna Summer
60. Personally, Karla Bonoff
61. One Hundred Ways, Quincy Jones
62. Blue Eyes, Elton John
63. Our Lips Are Sealed, Go-Go's
64. You Could Have Been Wih Me, Sheena Easton
65. You Can Do Magic, America
66. Did It In A Minute, Daryl Hall and John Oates
67. I Ran, A Flock Of Seagulls
68. Somebody's Baby, Jackson Browne
69. Oh No, Commodores
70. Take It Away, Paul McCartney
71. It's Gonna Take A Miracle, Deneice Williams
72. Love Will Turn You Around, Kenny Rogers
73. Don't Stop Bellevin', Journey
74. Comin' In And Out Of Your Life, Barbra Streisand
75. Gloria, Laura Branigan
76. Empty Garden, Elton John
77. Yesterday's Songs, Neil Diamond
78. Crimson And Clover, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts
79. Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic, Police
80. Here I Am, Air Supply
81. I Keep Forgettin', Michael Mcdonald
82. Get Down On It, Kool and The Gang
83. Any Day Now, Ronnie Milsap
84. Make A Move On Me, Olivia Newton-John
85. Take My Heart, Kool and The Gang
86. Mirror Mirror, Diana Ross
87. Vacation, Go-Go's
88. (Oh) Pretty Woman, Van Halen
89. Should I Do It, Pointer Sisters
90. Hot In The City, Billy Idol
91. Kids In America, Kim Wilde
92. Man On Your Mind, Little River Band
93. What's Forever For, Michael Murphy
94. Waiting On A Friend, Rolling Stones
95. Do I Do, Stevie Wonder
96. Working For The Weekend, Loverboy
97. Goin' Down, Greg Guidry
98. Arthur's Theme, Christopher Cross
99. Through The Years, Kenny Rogers
100. Edge Of Seventeen, Stevie Nicks

Wow, a lot of poppy crap, but then, what does one expect from Top 40 radio. I remember most of the songs, although I have zero recollection of "The Sweetest Thing" by Juice Newton. Not that this upsets me, because Juice Newton annoys me. And just to make this clear, I loathe Journey and Foreigner. Just.cannot.stand.them. Which did make it difficult to get through high school without ripping my ears off.

But on the up side, Joan Jett! Whooo! Although I do have to list "Kids in America" as my favorite on that list. There's just something infectious about that song. Always makes me want to dance. In that spazzy new wave way, but nonetheless.

It amazes me that the only Billy Idol song that made it to the top 100 in 1982 was "Hot in the City", a song I can take or leave. What about "White Wedding" and "Dancing with Myself", two songs I definitely would have bolded? And seriously, "Everything Little Thing She Does Is Magic" by The Police? I liked it, but there were way better songs on "Ghost in the Machine".

Now, as for the music I really listened to in 1982 (of songs released in 1982):

1. Homosapien - Pete Shelley
2. Love Plus One - Haircut One Hundred (OK, I can't stand the song now, but I was young)
3. More Than This - Roxy Music (Still one of my favorite songs)
4. Never Say Never - Romeo Void
5. Rock the Casbah - The Clash
6. Words - Missing Persons
7. Talk Talk - Talk Talk
8. Shock the Monkey - Peter Gabriel
9. I Love a Man in a Uniform - Gang of Four (I LOVE this song)
10. Should I Stay or Should I Go - The Clash
11. Mexican Radio - Wall of Voodoo (Come on, confess, you loved it too)
12. Radio Clash - The Clash (Gee, have you yet figured out that I love The Clash?)
13. Sex (I'm A) - Berlin
14. Down Under - Men at Work
15. Safety Dance - Men Without Hats (I know. I'm not proud.)
16. Stray Cat Strut - The Stray Cats
17. Back on the Chain Gang - The Pretenders
18. Mesopotamia - B-52s
19. Black Coffee in Bed - Squeeze
20. Girls on Film - Duran Duran (The only Duran Duran song I like)

Via Michele.

Wringing It Out Of My Brain

I am heeding Lesley's advice. I have downloaded David Lee Roth's Just A Gigolo/I Ain't Got Nobody to my PC and am listening to it over and over to get it the frag frack out of my head. Lesley, this better work because the song is giving me a serious headache. Actually, did you know it's really two songs? Learned that last week during the pre-show for March of the Penguins.

Damn to the Nth Degree

I still have that fragging fracking Just a Gigolo song going through my head. May others be cursed with it as well.

But He Wouldn't Cross the Street for Me

Nothing really to say. Just the second line (and last line) of a country song a college friend had written. Inspired by Jon's post below.

The song in toto:

He'd walk a mile for a camel, but he wouldn't cross the street for me.

If anyone wants to take a crack at the rest of the song, feel free. Although, IMO, you'd be hard-pressed to top that opening line.

Damn

The TV spots for the upcoming Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo feature David Lee's Roth song "I'm Just a Gigolo" with "I'm just Deuce Bigalow" substituted for the original words. Now I can't get the damn thing out of my head. Just keeps going round and round.

I'm Cookin' MC's Like A Pound Of Bacon

Just thought you'd all like to know.*

UPDATE: Does the fact that I always think of Queen and David Bowie, not Vanilla Ice, when I hear the hook to "Ice Ice Baby" make me old?

UPDATE II: Not only that, but whenever I hear the hook to MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This", I'm all "I'm Rick James, bitch!"

What Was I Thinking?

Did I really like “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” at one time? Memory seems to say yes. I guess we were all young and stupid once.

War of the Worlds

Bruce and I went to see War of the Worlds yesterday afternoon. It's hard to describe how I felt about this film. I didn't really like it. I wouldn't watch it again. Nonetheless, it was quite unsettling. Which, I suppose, means it was an effective film.

Parts of it were quite frightening, even though it's not a horror film. But they weren't frightening in that cathartic horror film kind of way. More in just a really unsettling kind of way. Parts of it were unnecessarily grotesque, and those parts don't even make sense. If there was a purpose to them, it was never explained. Not unsatisfactorily explained. Just not explained at all. I have to believe they were in there simply for the gross-out factor. Which is fine, but as one who enjoys good horror, I prefer an actual reason for the gross-out. I suppose this is why I don't care for pure hack-and-slash horror.

Continue only if you don't mind spoilers.

The ending was preposterously simplistic. Oh look, the entire family survived! Even after the son was caught on the forefront of a massive alien attack, somehow he managed to not only survive but find his way up to his grandparents' house in Boston. Before his father and sister get there. They never explained how that happened. It just did.

The only good old human ingenuity portrayed in this film was in survival. I guess that's fine, but I would have preferred a little more of "the humans figure out a way to kill aliens" (aside from a couple of grenades up the gullet, which is not a particularly good long-term plan). In the end, the aliens just die. If any character in the movie actually figures out what killed them, we sure don't know about it. The narrator tells the audience that it was the bacteria that done them in, but it all seems quite deus ex machina-like. I understand in the original that it is the bacteria, but the scientists figure that out after it starts occurring and use it to their advantage. Not so here.

However, this movie does go to show something I've always believed. Despite the fact that the aliens attack Tokyo and the Ukraine pretty much simultaneously, they attack New York before Boston. I assume this is the case, because people in Boston have power and seem to have actually survived without having to run. Which, I mean, of course. Even the aliens don't care that much about Boston. ;^)

Although as I write that sentence, one thing occurs to me. This would mean that the Yankees are destroyed, but the Red Sox survive. Oh no! It is a horror film after all!

What's Worse Than A Wanker?

Sir Bob* was all kinds of upset that eBay wasn't preventing the average citizen from auctioning off Live 8 tickets, right? But now it turns out that the performers at the Live 8 show in Philadelphia are receiving gift packages worth $12,000.

Let me get this straight. Millionaire celebs receiving $12,000 in gifts, not upset. Non-millionaire ordinary people auctioning off tickets, upset. Yeah. 'Cause that makes sense.

Via Michele.

*I love calling him Sir Bob, though. It just sounds so amazingly stupid, because somehow, Bob doesn't sound right coming after Sir. Sir Robert, sure. Sir Bob? It's just funny.

My Most Memorable Movie Quotes

I don't think my goal is to be ambitious as Lesley and go for 100. I'll keep going until I get bored.

In no special order:

1. "They call me Mr. Tibbs" from In the Heat of the Night

2. "What we have here is failure to communicate" from Cool Hand Luke

3. "Ah Ah, I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya punk?" from Dirty Harry

4. "No, I am your father" from The Empire Strikes Back

5. "Impressive. Most impressive. Obi-Wan has taught you well. You have controlled your fear" from The Empire Strikes Back

6. "You’re all clear, kid. Now let’s blow this thing and go home" from Star Wars

7. "Never tell me the odds" from The Empire Strikes Back

8. "You know how to whistle, don’t you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow" from To Have and To Have Not

9. "I'm sitting here in pieces, and you're having delusions of grandeur!" from The Empire Strikes Back

10. "Play it once, Sam. For old times' sake." "I don't know what you mean, Miss Elsa." "Play it, Sam. Play 'As Time Goes By'" from Casablanca

11. "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine" from Casablanca

12-14. "I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life."

"But what about us?"

"We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night."

"When I said I would never leave you."

"And you never will. But I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now... Here's looking at you kid."

Casablanca

15. "Round up the usual suspects" from Casablanca

16. "Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship" from Casablanca

17. "Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn" from Gone with the Wind

18. "Do you mind if we dance with your dates?" from Animal House

19. "Did you say 'over'? Nothing is over until we decide it is!" from Animal House

20. "I believe god made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast, and when I run I feel his pleasure" from Chariots of Fire

21. "This is your puny defense? Please! Your puny faith?" "No, my keen fashion sense" from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

22. "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die" from The Princess Bride

23. "Never match wits with a Sicilian when death is on the line" from The Princess Bride

24. "I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it" from On the Waterfront

25. "Yippie-kye-aye, motherfucker!" from Die Hard

26. "I'm too old for this shit" from Lethal Weapon

27. "Is it true how zey say zat you people are... gifted?" [Lights go out, sound of zipper opening] "Oh. It's twue. It's twue. It's twue, it's twue!" Lili von Schtupp to Sheriff Bart in Blazing Saddles

28. "I am your wife! I'm the greatest good you are ever gonna get!" from The Incredibles

29. "The Fuhrer never said 'baby'" from The Producers

30. "I lieb you, baby. I lieb you. Now leave me alone" from The Producers

31. "I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!" from The Godfather: Part II

My Top 100 Movie Quotes

The American Film Institute has released its list of the top 100 movie quotes. I agree with a lot of them, although there are some I would not have listed, like that damn sappy line from "Love Story". All right, it did have a big cultural impact, because people still quote it to this day. But I'm with Ryan O'Neal's character from "What's Up, Doc?". "That's the dumbest thing I ever heard."

Michele is asking people to come up with their list of most memorable movie quotes. Since I'm going to be posting a lot of them, I'm going to do it here. However, if you want to play the game, please go to her comments section and play there. It is her idea, after all. I'm only leaving comments open here so you can mock me for my choices.

In no particular order and to be updated throughout the day.

1. "Yippie-kye-aye, motherfucker!" - Die Hard
   
2. "I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti." - The Silence of the Lambs (I cannot hear the words liver, fava beans, and/or chianti without immediately hearing this line in my head.)
   
3. "Does your dog bite?" "No." ... "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite." "It's not my dog." - The Pink Panther Strikes Again
   
4. "Yes, it's true. This man has no dick." - Ghostbusters
   
5. "Lighten up, Francis." - Stripes
   
6. "Party on, Wayne." - Wayne's World
   
7. "No, I am your father." - The Empire Strikes Back
   
8. "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time." - Monty Python
   
9. "You talkin' to me?" - Taxi Driver
   
10. "That is a tasty burger." - Pulp Fiction
    
11. "Don't be stupid, be a smarty. Come and join the Nazi party." - The Producers
    
12. "Frankenstein. Frankenstein." - Young Frankenstein
    
13. "What we've got here is failure to communicate." - Cool Hand Luke
    
14. "And don't call me Shirley." - Airplane. Okay, I never thought this one would make it on the AFI list, since I figured they would be way too snobby. They weren't. So they got that going for them. Speaking of which...
    
15. "So I've got that going for me." - Caddyshack
    
16. "...remember, no matter where you go, there you are." - Buckaroo Banzai
    
17. "Oh, baby, you're so talented... and they are so dumb." - Blazing Saddles
    
18. "All we are is dust in the wind, dude." - Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
    
19. "That makes me angry, and when Dr. Evil gets angry Mr. bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, people DIE!" - Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery
    
20. "Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living if you don't have a dick?" - Donnie Darko
    
21. "Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes." - The Godfather. Oddly, I personally prefer that quote to "I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse."
    
22. "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum." - They Live. I totally have to figure out how to work that quote into my every day speech.
    
23. "Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?" ... "I lied." - Commando. This may, in fact, be my favorite movie quote ever.
    
24. "Good, bad. I'm the guy with the gun." - Army of Darkness
    
25. "Yeah, two youts." - My Cousin Vinny
    
26. "The world is a big place. Thank goodness my needs are small. As it turns out, I have this affinity for beach front property." "What do you want?" "Australia!" - Superman II
    
27. "You fargin' sneaky bastage." - Johnny Dangerously
    
28. "It's showtime!" - Betelgeuse
    
29. "They are? Well, as of this moment, they're on double secret probation!" - Animal House
    
30. "There is no spoon." - The Matrix
    
31. "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." - The Princess Bride
    
32. "Feed me, Seymour." - Little Shop of Horrors
    
33. "Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?" - 2001: A Space Odyssey. I know this isn't the quote most people would pick from the film, but for some reason, it's the one that always stuck with me. Pretty amazing, considering I was 5 when I saw the film, and I fell asleep for large parts of it. But that one line, I have always remembered.
    
34. "Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga, and McCormick. Dear Sirs, question mark" - Animal Crackers
    
35. "You can only fool a Firefly twice." - Duck Soup
    
36. "Sa da tay" - Pootie Tang
    
37. "'Greater good?' I am your wife! I'm the greatest good you are ever gonna get!" - The Incredibles
    
38. "Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again." - Rebecca. Best opening line of a book ever.
    
39. "You can't fool me. There ain't no Sanity Clause!" - A Night at the Opera
    
40. "When Cameron was in Egypt land ... Let my Cameron go." - Ferris Bueller's Day Off
    
41. "Here's Johnny!" - The Shining
    
42. "Don't go into the light." - Poltergeist
    
43. "The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle. The chalice from the palace has the brew that is true." - The Court Jester
    
44. "You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?" - Dirty Harry
    
45. "It's good to be the king." - History of the World, Part I
    
46. "I was born a poor black child." - The Jerk
    
47. "Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera!" - The King and I
    
48. "We're not worthy. We're not worthy." - Wayne's World
    
49. "Check out the big brains on Brett." - Pulp Fiction
    
50. "We came; we saw; we kicked it's ass." - Ghostbusters
    
51. "...1 million dollars!" - Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery
    
52. "Donny, you're out of your element." - The Big Lebowski
    
53. "But this is the hand I shoot with." - Blazing Saddles
    
54. "Oh, an Oriental." - What's Up Tiger Lily.
    
55. "All right, you primitive screwheads, listen up. This is my boomstick." - Army of Darkness
    
56. "You know, walk the earth. Meet people. Get into adventures. Like Cain in Kung Fu." - Pulp Fiction
    
57. "Milt, we're gonna need to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage B. We have some new people coming in, and we need all the space we can get. So if you could go ahead and pack up your stuff and move it down there, that would be terrific, OK?" - Office Space
    
58. "I know I'm gonna miss her. A tomato ate my sister." - Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. Okay, so it's from the theme song. Still, it counts. Right?
    
59. "Hello, Dr. Banzai. Penny for your thoughts?" - Buckaroo Banzai
    
60. "Where are we going?" "Planet 10!" "When?" "Real soon!" - Buckaroo Banzai
    
61. "The Fuhrer never said 'baby'." - The Producers
    
62. "I lieb you, baby. I lieb you. Now leave me alone." - The Producers
    
63. "I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!" - The Godfather: Part II
    
64. "Just when I thought that I was out, they pull me back in." - The Godfather: Part III. You know, this actually would have been a really good movie, had Sofia Coppola (a fine director, but a bad actress) not been in it.
    
65. "KHAAAAANNNNN!" - Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

Frankly my dear, I do give a damn

Cool. Hat tip to Michele for reminding me that tonight the AFI announces the 100 most memorable movie quotes of all time.

Play along here or over at Michele's for what you think will rank up near the top or at the top.

My Dream Hit Me Baby One More Time Line-up

Cheap Trick. I want you to want me!
Rush. Conform or be cast out.
The B-52s. Rock lobster...
Bay City Rollers. S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!
Brothers Johnson. Strawberry Letter 23.

Hit It!

Damn, Irene Cara looks fantastic!

Book 'Em, Dano!

Memes to the rescue. This one via Michele.

So, what fiction did you read as a teen/young adult that you have re-read as an adult (or would like to)? What pieces of fiction meant something to you? Put up your list, and pass it on to 2-3 people.

Easy! All books I read as a teen/young adult that I have re-read as an adult.

The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L'Engle
The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
The Wizard of Earthsea trilogy by Ursula K. LeGuin (I have read the fourth book, but since it didn't come out when I was a teen, I only first read it as an adult)
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll

Feel free to post our own list.

Wither Winnie Cooper

I am speechless, aghast at what I have discovered. Here I am innocently futzing around on Yahoo when I click the banner ad with Nicole Richie's picture on it. (Ok, so maybe not that innocently.) One of the links I stumble upon is for Stuff magazine. Curious, I click on the link, where it brings me to a spread of Danica McKeller. Remember her? She played sweet Winnie Cooper on that sweet television series The Wonder Years. Sweet, innocent Winnie Cooper, the embodiment of the wholesome girl next door. The object of sweet, innocent Kevin Arnold's boyhood crush. Now splayed on the pages of a magazine like Stuff. Is nothing sacred anymore?

She Came

from Planet Claire.

Why, yes, I am listening to the B-52s. Why do you ask?

That Musical Alphabet Meme

It's always good to find a meme when you can't think of much to say. Today's meme comes to me via Michele.

Put your iTunes library (or other mp3 player) in alphabetical order and list the first song for each letter (removing anything that's not music). Since I got this from Michele, and she also included numbers and symbols, I'll include those as well.

'S Wonderful - Fred Astaire
(Do Not Feed The) Oyster - Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks
1,000,000 - REM
25 or 6 to 4 - Chicago
32 Footsteps - They Might Be Giants
40 (Live 1983) - U2
5'15 - The Who
7 O'Clock News/Silent Night - Simon and Garfunkel
867-5309 Jenny - Tommy Tutone
96 Tears - The Stranglers
A Bushel and a Peck - New Broadway Cast of Guys and Dolls
b) Coffee - Arabian Dance - The Nutcracker
c) Tea - Chinese Dance - The Nutcracker
Dance of the Five Couples - Romeo & Juliet
E-Bow the Letter - REM
Face to Face - Siouxsie and the Banshees
Galapogos - Smashing Pumpkins
Hair - Hair
I Am a Human Head - They Might Be Giants
Ja Funmi - King Sunny Ade and his African Beats
Kaahe Chhed - Kavita Krishnamurthy
L.A. Woman - The Doors
Ma Jaiye Oni - King Sunny Ade and his African Beats
Nature of Love (Cruelty Mix B) - Ministry
O Death - Ralph Stanley
Panic - The Smiths
Queen of Las Vegas - The B-52s
R.A.M.O.N.E.S. - The Ramones
Sabbath Prayer - Broadway Cast Recording of Fiddler on the Roof
T.V. Party - Black Flag
U IS A - Major Matt Mason USA
Vacation - Connie Francis
Wada Na Tod - Lata Mangeshkar
X-Girlfriend - Bush
Ye Rataain - Lata Mangeshkar
Zaar - Peter Gabriel

Well, that was quite a mosh of different musical styles. You've got it all. Indie, punk rock, alternative, Nigerian pop, Bollywood, classical, Broadway, classic rock, oldies, and bluegrass.

So you've now discovered my little secret. I love Bollywood music. In fact, I love Bollywood films.

I also have a fairly extensive library of classical music.

I See Through Border

I see design.

I think these lyrics quizzes originate from record companies to make you want to go out and buy songs.* Immediately after reading this quiz, and being horrified at how many songs I remembered, I cranked up iTunes and played "Saturday Night" by The Bay City Rollers. Tonight, I went into the iTunes Music Store and bought several songs I didn't previously own.

"Bohemian Rhapsody" - Queen
"Stuck in the Middle with You" - Stealer's Wheel
"Turn the Beat Around" - Gloria Estefan (iTunes doesn't have the original)
"Girls Talk" - Dave Edmunds
"City of New Orleans" - Arlo Guthrie
"Bad Case of Loving You (Doctor, Doctor)" - Robert Palmer
"Sister Golden Hair" - America
"Horse with No Name" - America
"American Pie" - Don McLean

*OK, I don't really think that. But it sounds good.

Whither Barnes & Noble?

I took a drive to the large Barnes & Noble in Clifton today, because there were a couple of books I wanted to pick up. I figured the smaller Barnes & Noble in Hoboken wouldn't have them. Much to my surprise, neither did the large one. At least I think they didn't. It was very difficult to find books there. Sure, they were nicely categorized by genre. But by author? Not so much. Things were totally out of place. And not just within a given letter. There were Cs in the Bs. Ws in the Ts. Other than having gotten my car out for a spin, I feel like I wasted a trip.

So I got home, logged onto the PC, and ordered them from Amazon instead.

A Niggling Grievance with Revenge of the Sith

Can we talk about General Grievous' accent? Whose brilliant idea was it to give him that cheesy damn accent? I kept expecting him to say "Kill moose and squirrel." Except for one time, when I swore he was channeling Lord John Whorfin saying "Doomed is your soul and damned is your life."

Don't Panic

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" - Cute. Many changes from the book. Alan Rickman rocked as the voice of Marvin the Paranoid Android.

Why the Internet Rocks (Literally)

Live Kathleen Edwards from a gig she performed at KCRW in Santa Monica this past March. For the uninitiated, which may just be everyone here, she's a Canadian singer-songwriter whose music is a fusion of rock, folk, and country, what the critics term "roots rock."

For a taste of the smoking title cut off her latest CD, click here.

Kung Fu Laughing

See "Kung Fu Hustle." Drop everything else and make your way to the theater now. Failing that, don't hestitate when it comes out on DVD. Borrowing heavily from movies like "Crouching Tiger," the "Kill Bill" series, and even from Looney Toons, it is an absolutely hilarious send-up of today's martial arts movies. I was in stitches and laughed until I cried. The best scene is a chase taken straight from the Road Runner cartoons. I thought I'd have to leave the theater to regain my composure. Hell, I'm still laughing.

Roger Ebert's review here, and for a glimpse of the flick and some of its best moments, click here.

The Bar Is Open

My collection of John Hiatt in the ABTF* era is once again complete. Today I received his 2001 CD "The Tiki Bar Is Open," which marks his return to electric guitar after the acoustic "Crossing Muddy Waters." I am on the first listen, and it rocks.

*Hiatt's career neatly bisects into two periods. Everything he did before he found his creative footing with "Bring the Family" and everything after.

The Essentials

If you could only own five movies, what would they be?

My list:

Star Wars: Episode IV
The Return of the King
North by Northwest
His Girl Friday
Local Hero

We Eat Ham and Jam and Spam a Lot

Spamalot freakin' rocked! David Hyde Pierce was fabulous, as was Hank Azaria. The guy who played Galahad was pretty damn good too. Tim Curry was a bit too camp as King Arthur for my tastes, but still good. Besides, it's Tim Curry. He's always camp.

This Just In

There was a house in New Orleans.

Sean and Chris' Brother

My radio station of the moment, WFUV, introduced me last week to a new artist: Michael Penn, brother of actors Sean and Chris. They played a cut from his concept album to be released in August, Mr. Hollywood Jr. 1947. It's an hommage to a period of Hollywood he's fascinated with. Off the strength of that one song, I decided to pick up a CD on the cheap ($3.50 or thereabouts). So far, I'm impressed. Reminds me a little of Matthew Sweet.

Music for the Masses

The first song I offer for your listening pleasure sounds, at first listen, like it was recorded in the 1960s. But listen to the lyrics. No way this song was recorded in the 1960s. It's still a great song.

Chick Habit - April March

The second song is for my brother, who thinks he has never heard Fred and Ginger's rendition of Let's Call The Whole Thing Off. You get to hear the rollerskating. But Jon, you really have to see the film. Just to see Fred and Ginger dance on rollerskates, if for no other reason. It's magnificent.

Let's Call The Whole Thing Off - Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers

Please, download, don't stream.

Coffee Talk

In honor of National Poetry Month and all the talk about coffee going on here recently, I give you... Poetry about coffee!

Okay, it's really not about coffee. It's about malaise. But it has the word "coffee" in it. My favorite verse from my favorite poem, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.

For I have known them all already, known them all:
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?

Wow

Listening to the selection of songs on iTunes Essentials 80's One Hit Wonders reminded of something.

There was a lot of crap music from the 80s. Did I actually used to like that stuff?

But I Don't Drink Coffee

Whenever public radio stations make pledge drives, they invariably exhort you to contribute by noting it's cheaper than that daily cup of coffee you treat yourself to. Sure, especially if you buy the Triple Mocha Latte or whatever the latest rage is at Starbucks, but what if you don't drink coffee, then what? I, for one, don't. Does that absolve me from contributing? Or does that mean I have to start drinking coffee so I can stop drinking and pocket the money to pay for the pledge? Decisions. Decisions.

Say It Ain't So

Dilbert is no longer available on My Yahoo!. Oh where, oh where will I get my daily fix? Making matters worse, Yahoo has pulled the plug on Peanuts and Rose Is Rose. Yeah, life is so tough, isn't it?

Bruce v. Bob

During its membership drive next week, WFUV radio is hosting a special musical event. A showdown between two titans of the industry: Bruce Springsteen and Bob Dylan. All week, the station will be playing songs by both and asking listeners to rate them. But not to rate them based on whom you think is the best artist. Instead to rate them on which artist personally resonates more for you. Interesting question. I think I know, but I will give a listen before weighing in. In the meantime, if you already have an opinion, share with your reasons why.

Death Be Proud

I gather today, from my reading, that since I support the rights of people to refuse life-saving medical care, including feeding tubes, that makes me, in the eyes of some, "in love with the culture of death." So I guess it's true confessions time.

You know that guy who played Death in Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey? Yeah, I love that guy.*

*Although, in fairness, I'm not in love with him.

Bad Actress

I've never really liked Kirstie Alley. Her character on "Cheers" annoyed me. We won't even discuss the "Look Who's Talking..." movies. But after watching her new show, "Fat Actress", it's possible that I like her even less. Could there be more offensive stereotypes? Let's see. Overweight people? Check. Black people? Check. Gays? Check. For that kind of humor to work, the stereotypes have to be done with affection, which I'm just not seeing at all.

Friday Random 10

Crank up your mp3 player, put it on random, and list the first 10 songs.

1. Oh, Boy - The Crickets
   
2. Come On - Technotronic
   
3. Fall On Me - R.E.M.
   
4. The Hives Declare Guerre Nucleaire - The Hives
   
5. Quiet Life - Japan
   
6. Romeo with Friar Laurence - Prokofiev
   
7. Who Are You - The Who
   
8. The Land of Make Believe - Bucks Fizz
   
9. Umi Says - Mos Def
   
10. Union City Blue - Blondie

Perfectly Good Guitar

Discovering a new musical artist that you really enjoy can be like catching lightening in a bottle. A sometimes serendipitous occurrence that brings something magical into your life. I stumbled upon the wonderful Patty Griffin, a contemporary folk singer, while channel surfing one night and stopping on Sessions at West 54th, a now defunct live musical series on PBS. That week, I bought her first CD, Living with Ghosts, and have been hooked since. Other discoveries have come from listening to the radio at just the right time.

The one artist I will be forever grateful for having found is John Hiatt. Anything but a household name, Hiatt is one of the most respected musicians in the industry. His songs have been covered by artists ranging from Bob Dylan to Iggy Pop to Bonnie Raitt. When Raitt made her comeback in 1990, she did it on the strength of a Hiatt song: "Thing Called Love," which first appeared on his album, Bring the Family.

My first experience with John Hiatt came at a Robert Cray concert at Manhattan's Pier 84 in the late 1980s. Hiatt was the opening act for the then-popular blues guiatarist. While most opening acts fade from memory almost immediately, Hiatt made such an impression that almost twenty years later, I still listen to him, but don't even own a Robert Cray CD.

Hiatt's strength lies in his ability to craft a good story. Make no mistake, he is a talented musician whose sound has matured over time to encompass a range of different genres. From the straight-ahead rock of Stolen Moments and Perfectly Good Guitar to the blues-tinged Crossing Muddy Waters to the roosty, bluegrass sound of Beneath this Gruff Exterior, he has succeeded with evolving styles while always managing to sound like himself.

More than his music, it his stories that have attracted other artists to his songs and kept me as a fan all these years. He has a terrific sense of humor and irony that shines in songs like "Your Dad Did," an irreverant look at how sons take after their fathers. You can't help but smile at lines such as:

As the two year old says grace/She says help the starving children to get well/But let my brother's hamster burn in hell/You love your wife and kids/Just like your dad did

In other songs, he is brutally honest and introspective. Unafraid to tell the stories of his own life as a struggling artist who finally made it and found love after his first wife tragically killed herself.

On Stolen Moments, he tells the story of "Rock Back Billy," a musician who endured years of bad gigs and a battle with drugs and alcohol to rise from the ashes with a "red hot sound/They could not defeat." The song seems an echo of Hiatt's life. It took him thirteen years before he finally scored with 1987's Bring the Family, a time in which he struggled with alocholism, depression, and being dropped by one record label after another.

Bring the Family is full of songs that seem dedicated to the memory of his first wife - on "Tip of My Tounge," he writes, "I broke your heart/With the back of my mind/From the tip of my tounge/To the end of the line" - and written for his second wife, whom he married shortly before the album came out. The songs "Thank You Girl" ("You stood by me baby/When I didn't think we'd ever see the daylight") and "Learning How to Love You" ('Cause I only got to where I am right now/Learning how to love you") sound like unmistakable expressions of gratitude to her for helping him out of the abyss.

Here is one person who thanks John Hiatt for the beauty in such songs, for all the wonderful music over the years. The stories and sounds that are as fresh, fun, and touching today as they were the first time around.

Talented?

A co-worker and I were debating the relative merits of Madonna as an artist yesterday. His take: she has no talent and produces nothing but pop drival. My take: sure, most of her stuff is drival, but she has a talent for marketing herself and for producing music the public eats up. Besdies, she has done three songs that are examples of good, fun pop: Holiday, Borderline, and Get Into the Groove. She may not be on the level of The Beatles, but then again, who is?

Where Are All the Male Mystery Novelists?

You know, it occurred to me today that I could name a lot of female mystery novelists off the top of my head, but very few men. No, really. This is true.

Female mystery novelists

1. Agatha Christie
   
2. Ngaio Marsh
   
3. Patricia Wentworth
   
4. Josephine Tey
   
5. P.D. James
   
6. Sue Grafton
   
7. Patricia Cornwell
   
8. Martha Grimes
   
9. Anne Perry
   
10. Elizabeth Peters
    
11. Faye Kellerman
    
12. Elizabeth George
    
13. Lilian Jackson Braun
    
14. Gillian Roberts
    
15. Sara Paretsky
    
16. Janet Evanovich
    
17. Ruth Rendell
    
18. Margaret Truman

Male mystery novelists

1. Tony Hillerman
   
2. That guy who wrote the Spenser books
   
3. That guy who wrote the Fletch books
   
4. That guy who wrote those books about that NYPD precinct

And I only know the Spenser and Fletch books because they made a TV series and a movie about them, respectively.

The more I thought about this, the odder it seemed. Why can I name so many more female mystery novelists than male? I finally realized there are two likely explanations for this:

1. Men just aren't interested in things like intellectual puzzles, preferring, instead, to write about sports and crap like that.
   
2. Men just don't write mystery novels that interest me.

Because it couldn't be that I have a bias towards female mystery novelists or anything like that.

My Real Most Memorable Movie Quote

Tonight at dinner, I realized what my top most memorable movie quote is. It's not the one that first comes to mind when I think about memorable movie quotes, but it unfailingly comes to mind under certain circumstances. I was eating dinner at an Egyptian restaurant, and we ordered some fuul.

Fuul is made of fava beans.

No, we didn't have a nice chianti.

Musings on How Songs Affect Behavior

I've listened to Blue Oyster Cult's "Godzilla" many times and never felt any desire to attack Tokyo.

Memorable Movie Quotes

In its latest entry in the 100 Years Series, the American Film Institute is ranking the 100 most memorable movie quotes of all time. The evaluation is based on the degree to which a line has endured over the years and become a part of the popular lexicon. "Show me the money" is one of the nominees not because it is a brilliant line but because of the way it permeated throughout our culture, becoming the cool way to say, "I want what's mine" or "put your money where your mouth is."

Some of the nominees surprised me. They don't seem to be especially resonant or worthwhile. Reading others made me smile, as I enjoyed hearing them in my head and felt the same emotion as when I first heard them. It is, after all, the way the lines are delivered as much as the words themselves that make them endure "as time goes by." Sidney Poitier's conviction in saying, "They call me Mr. Tibbs" that lends the line its aura of authority, gives its staying power some thirty years after the movie opened.

For me, the most memorable line is "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," since it immediately came to mind. Second is "What we have here is failure to communicate," the signature line from Cool Hand Luke.

Results will be broadcast on CBS in June. In the meantime, play along if you like, noting your most memorable line.

Mangled Movie Plot: RIP

Ok, the Mangled Movie Plot concept is officially a bust. Can't seem to drum up any interest in it.

The answers to Mangled Movie Plots 3 & 4, which will be the last ones.

#3: Two Academy Award nominees, including the winner, from 2004. Million Dollar Baby and Finding Neverland.

#4: Two classic Cary Grant comedies. The top ranked Grant comedy according to the American Film Insitute, Bringing Up Baby, and my favorite, His Girl Friday. Dap to Mom for her excellent clue and knowing both flicks.

Cary's Grants Best Roles - The Tally

It's hardly a scientific sample, as it's based on only four responses, but the votes are in for Cary Grant's best comedic, romantic, and thriller role.

Our panel of experts was split on comedy, with Bringing Up Baby, The Philadelphia Story, and Arsenic & Old Lace each getting a vote. (The fourth voter, John, didn't weigh in.)

All excellent choices, and as far as the role alone, I agree with Dad on Arsenic & Old Lace. Grant is at his slapstick best in ths movie. His facial expressions when he's tied up by half-brother Jonathan (no relation to me) are pure brilliance, again showing the tricks he picked up while working as a mime in the circus. I can think of few actors who can crack people up more with facial expressions alone than Grant. In terms of movie, my choice is His Girl Friday, which gets my vote for best comedy of all time. In the words of the New York Times, it is "fast, fast, fast" with a brilliant performance
by Rosalind Russell as Grant's ex-wife. Along with Katherine Hepburn in Bringing Up Baby, Russell is the only female lead ever to keep pace with Grant, and in my book, she actually outshines him.

Two voters, Lesley and Mom, punted on the question of best romantic part, while Dad voted for An Affair to Remember and John (via Unspecified Chatter) gave his nod to Charade. The problem with this category is that An Affair to Remember is the only true romance that Grant ever filmed. All his other romantic leads came in dramas or comedies. For this reason, I give the nod to An Affair to Remember, but Mom might be right when she says all his movies.

North by Northwest is the unanimous choice as best thriller. No argument here. The American Film Insitute agrees, ranking NxNW as the fourth best thiller of all time. It is higher than any other Grant thriller.

In the end, no matter what you choose, you simply cannot go wrong with a Cary Grant movie. There is a reason why he is the number two actor on AFI's top actors, second only to Bogie himself.

Bring Back Wonderfalls

One of the most delightful TV shows to come on in years, Wonderfalls tells the story of disaffected 20-something Jaye Taylor. A modern-day Joan of Arc, she hears the voice of what we presume is God through animal knick-knacks as they guide her into doing good deeds. In one episode, a penguin admonishes Jaye to "bring her back to him." We find out what this truly means at the end of the episode in a beautifully touching moment.

Unfortunately, the show lasted only four episodes before Fox cancelled it. Yet, now out on DVD, it seems to have picked up a new audience and is surpising everyone with robust sales. Also with a website dedicated to saving the show, it seems to have earned cult status. All of which tells me it's time to give the show another chance - the creators had a story arc covering the first three seasons - whether it's on Fox, basic cable, or a premium channel such as Showtime, which airs the equally delightful and quirky Dead Like Me, the brainchild of one of Wonderfalls' co-creators and also about a disaffected young woman guided into doing the right thing.

Cary Grant's Best Roles

In his latest Name That, Rick offers us "An Affair to Remember", noting that of Cary Grant's roles, "it would be hard to pick [one] more definitive of his status as a romantic leading man." Not having seen "An Affair to Remember", Just John points to "Charade" instead. I will differ with Just John and go with Rick since I wouldn't classify "Charade" as a romance, even though Grant did play a romantic part, as he did in most of his movies.

It got me to thinking about all the different role types that Grant played and how well he played each one. He was a brilliant comedic actor, owing to his days as a mime in the circus, arguably the top romantic actor of all time, and equally as strong in serious and suspense roles.

Taking the question further, I am curious to hear other people's opinion on Grant's best romantic part, his best comedy, and his best thriller. You know my opinion on romantic, but I will stay mum on comedy and thriller (of which I have clear favorites) for the time being.

Mangled Movie Plot 3 & 4

Ok, I'll try this one last time before scrapping the venture. I've taken the lack of responses for a lack of interest, but maybe it's that my plots are too esoteric.

I offer up two plots this time. One that should be a give me for anyone with good short-term memory. The other tests your knowledge of movies past with the leading man from Rick's latest Name That. Your mission is to identify the two movies referenced in each plot, but remember, don't blurt, leave a subtle clue. And if you want dap for knowing them, don't tell me over the phone. Leave a comment.

#3: A washed-up playwright’s chance meeting with an aspiring boxer gives him one last shot at glory as he trains her for the role of a lifetime in his play about the child within all of us.

#4: A scheming newspaper editor, upon learning that his ex-wife is about to remarry, sends her to scoop all other newspapers by getting an exclusive interview with an escaped leopard about the dinosaur bone it has buried.

Mangled Movie Plot 2: The Answer

Alas, no one is playing along, so the answer to the second installment of Mangled Movie Plot: the original "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" and the remake coming out later this month, "Guess Who", in which the roles are reversed. An African-American woman brings home her white boyfriend to meet her parents. With Bernie Mac in the Spencer Tracy role and Ashton Kutcher in the Sidney Poitier role. Yes, it seems that movie remakes have slid to all time lows.

Mangled Movie Plot 2

In the second installment of Mangled Movie Plot, I offer a mix-up of a classic 1960s movie and a movie that is coming to theaters later this month and is now being advertised on TV. This one should be easier than the last.

The plot: an African-American couple are aghast when their white daughter brings home her African-American fiancé, a stockbroker aspiring to be a medical researcher for the United Nations, to dinner for their approval of the marriage. The father, a liberal banker from California, is the hardest to persuade, while the mother, played by Judith Hepburn, is open to the idea after having a moment to think about it.

Mangled Movie Plot 1: The Answer

I think the puzzle presented in the first installment was more difficult than I thought it was. Lesley didn't know any of the movies, while others had difficulties as well. The movies are also of ancient vintage, which might have thrown people more than current releases would have.

Without further preamble, the movies are "The Wrong Man", "The Man Who Knew Too Much", and "North by Northwest". Kudos to reader Rick, who picked out two of the movies – he didn’t get “North by Northwest” – but not to reader Hitch, who left great hints, but should have since Hitch was me in an effort to plant some subtle clues. (Update: kudos also to Mom & Dad, who got two of the three, though in the future, if you want dap for knowing it, then play along and post a comment.)

Although “The Wrong Man” is not the typical Hitchcock thriller, it does have the familiar Hitchcock theme of the ordinary man placed in extraordinary circumstances. Starring Henry Fonda, it tells the true story of a New York musician wrongfully accused of holding up an insurance company. Jimmy Stewart and Doris Day head “The Man Who Knew Too Much”, playing parents trying to save their son from spies. “North by Northwest” is arguably Hitchcock’s most breathless and stylish thriller, starring Cary Grant as an advertising executive forced halfway across the country in an effort to save himself both from a notorious spy (James Mason) and the law.

Easily my favorite Hitchcock movie, “Northwest” substantially inspired my own movie script, “Endgame”. I patterned my villain after the suave Mason, while in the showdown between my protagonist and the villain, I crafted the dialogue based on the brilliant interplay between Grant and Mason. Lastly, in my climactic scene, I sought to devise something that would rank with some of Hitchcock’s greatest stunts, such as the crop duster scene in “Northwest”. Hubris maybe, but all movies are derivative of each other, and if you’re going to copy someone, it might as well be the master.

Mangled Movie Plot Update

Rick notes that it was Dietz who developed the idea of "Name That. . ." along with the admonition not to blurt the answer but to leave a subtle clue. My apologies to Dietz for this oversight.

As for the current puzzle, I will leave it stand the rest of the day before answering it tonight. A few clues to see if I can't nudge people along.

All three movies are Alfred Hitchcock movies. One of them is based on the true story of a New York musician and family man who was mistaken for a hold-up man. The advertising executive was mistaken for a U.S. government agent and spent the rest of the movie trying to bail himself, then his love interest out. One of the stars of the third was a famed singer, noted for her "pillow talk".

Mangled Movie Plot

Inspired by Rick, I'm trying something new here. A mangled movie plot.

In the first installment, three movies are rolled into one.

Mistaken for a hold-up man, an advertising executive on holiday with his family soon finds his son has been kidnapped by spies. Forced to prove his innocence and save his son, his adventures bring him around the world, from the Stork Club in New York to London to a corn field in Indiana, with the bad guys always one step ahead and one step behind.

Can you untangle the threads and name each movie? But remember, in the paraphrased (or possibly exact) words of Rick, "Don't blurt it out, be subtle, leave a clue."

Every Day's a Holiday, Every Meal's a Feast

So enjoy this banquet of new music. Okay, two songs, but one of them is called "Banquet".

What I'm Watching

When I don’t workout regularly on my rowing machine, my DVDs from Netflix tend to languish. When I do workout regularly, I go through DVDs like water. After all, I need something to distract myself from the monotony. In the last few weeks, I have watched a bunch of DVDs, four in the last week alone

For the curious, here are these four in order, with a brief synopsis and critique:

The Triplets of Belleville: 2004 Academy Award nominee for Best Animated Feature, it tells the story of how a grandmother, with assistance from the famous singing trio The Triplets of Bellville, tracks down her grandson after the mob kidnaps him during the Tour De France. A strange, strange movie. Definitely innovative, but a weird plot and told with almost no dialogue.

The Hebrew Hammer: in this send-up of Shaft, Adam Goldberg plays a stud Hebrew detective who saves Chanukah from the nefarious doings of Damien, the evil son of Santa. Cute with some funny moments and hilarious character names. The Hammer's love interest is Esther Bloomenbergansteinthal, and he teams up with Mohammed Ali Paula Abdul Rahiem, the head of the Kwanzaa Liberation Front. Best line of the movie is in the theme song, which is a take-off of the theme from Shaft: "No one understands him like his mother."

25th Hour: a Spike Lee joint starring Ed Norton as a drug middleman spending his last day of freedom before going to prison for seven years. This may be the first movie with Ed Norton I've seen, and he is every bit as good an actor as I've heard. As for the movie, it is the right mix of bitter and sweet, with beautiful imagery, and is full of compelling dialogue and scenes. The most indelible moment comes when Norton's best friend, at his behest, beats him up to make him look ugly when he arrives at prison. The aftermath is especially powerful, when all sound except for birds chirping fades out, and we see everyone coming to grips with what just passed.

THX 1138: George Lucas' first movie about a futuristic society in which all emotion is outlawed and people are required to take drugs to keep themselves constantly sedated. An interesting and dark, though not original, look at the future. (Ray Bradbury did it first with Fahrenheit 451.) Raw, it shows the muscles that Lucas would later flex with his Star Wars and Indiana Jones' franchises.

Beer, Get Your Beer Here

Not having the slightest clue what Justin means by this comment - "Duff Beer, not Duff Beer Man, Duff Beer" - I went a hunting on the internet to see whether it's linked to a specific Simpsons episode. Well, fancy my surprise when my search yielded a hit for actual Duff Beer. That's right, an Australian company brewed the stuff until a lawsuit put an end to it.

Duff Beer has now become a collector's item that's sold on eBay. Buyer beware if you're planning on placing a bid on any Duff Beer. Not only is it of ancient vintage for beer, but a woman in Australia was nabbed on fraud charges for "selling" cans of Duff Beer she never owned.

WFUV to the Rescue

Many moons ago, I used to listen to Fordham University's public radio station, WFUV, on a regular basis. It's hard to recall how I got out of the habit of listening to it. Yesterday, I was talking about radio stations with a co-worker, and he mentioned this blast from the past. I queued it up this morning and once again am blown away by the quality and range of music they play.

If you had to boil down the style they play to just one, it would be folk, but that's unfairly narrow. In the last couple of hours, they've played music ranging from Joe Jackson to John Hiatt to Luna to XTC. On Sunday morning, they'll be playing Smokey Robinson, and they also have a homegrown program of Celtic folk music on Saturdays.

In a city with a weak slate of commercial radio stations, WFUV is one of the many fine public radio stations that save the day. Another is Newark's flagship jazz station, WBGO. You can stream both if you want to take a listen to some truly unique and outstanding radio.

Release the Hounds!

Who is the better Simpsons' secondary character Mr. Burns or Groundskeeper Willie? I think you can figure out my pick from a picture taped to my door at work.

If you can't read the text on the top, it says, "It's budget season again. Smithers, release the hounds."

I Figured It Out

I ask you, is it possible to have been in your 20s in the 1970s, lived in this country, and never have heard any of the following songs until yesterday? Not just like not having heard one of them. All five of them. Not just not knowing their names but listening to them and going "Oh yeah, I remember that song. Never having heard them at all.

1. Ironman - Black Sabbath
   
2. Paranoid - Black Sabbath
   
3. Don't Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult
   
4. Burnin' for You - Blue Oyster Cult
   
5. Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meatloaf

I think not. And yet this is what my friend Bruce expects me to believe. Well, I've seen his driver's license, so I know he was in his 20s in the 1970s. I've seen his music collection, so I know he listens to rock. Therefore, I am forced to doubt he was actually in this country in the 1970s. I figured it out. See, he was in the military and had some extra-special top-secret clearance. So, he was really a spy and was in deep cover in some other country. Maybe the Soviet Union. Whatever. But no way he was in this country throughout the 1970s.

Embarrass Yourself

At work, my team and I have been discussing embarrassing entertainment. Actually, it started out as songs people have on their iPods that they don't want anyone else to know about. There were a few ground rules:

1. It had to be a well-known song, one that most people would recognize.
   
2. You had to have specifically bought that song; you didn't get it as part of a compilation CD you bought for other songs.
   
3. It couldn't be from an artist that most people will say they dislike, but secretly like (e.g., Neil Diamond).

Well, I listed those I considered to be embarrassing, but the rest of my team felt that maybe one of the songs I listed qualified. Here are the songs:

1. The Christmas Song - Alvin & The Chipmunks (this is the one that qualified)
   
2. What is Love - Haddaway
   
3. Where Do You Go - No Mercy

They felt the last two didn't qualify because not enough people knew what they were, although I still maintain any song that appeared in A Night at the Roxbury qualifies on principle.

I wasn't terribly surprised, though, that they had a lot more embarrassing songs than I did. I have pretty eclectic tastes in music. I've never liked anything by Air Supply or REO Speedwagon, for example. But given my absolute dearth of embarrassing songs, they thought I was just faking it or in denial, even though I offered to give them my iPod so they could scan for themselves.

I was able to redeem myself, though, when it came to DVDs. Yes, the minute I confessed to owning such DVDs as Bring It On and Jawbreaker, I was deemed not in denial.

So what embarrassing songs and/or movies do you own?

Dear iTunes

What barren musical world do you inhabit that the only Black Sabbath you have is post-Ozzy?

UPDATE: Okay, I spoke too soon. iTunes does have the Reunion album. Whew.

Sweeet!

Michele is having a fun contest about Chain Reaction Movies.

Basically you take two or movie titles and string them together in a chain. Example: Peggy Sue Got Married to the Mob or Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures in Babysitting. It's more fun when you come up with an actual plot for the movie, but it's Monday and I'm not expecting anyone to think that hard. Unless you really want to. Otherwise, just aim for long titles. The person who can string the most movie titles together wins....my undying admiration. Which goes for about a buck fifty these days.

So I submitted my entry, complete with plot line (which really just wrote itself from the title):

"Everybody's All-American Psycho Beach Party Girl with Green Eyes of Laura Mars Attacks"

Clearly this is a sci-fi flick with a girl whose eyes mutate into killer destructo-beams , causing her to go psycho and attack her friends and family.

To which Michele replied:

I am going to write that screenplay.

Right on!

Now go submit your own.

Good Remakes, Bad Remakes

The good: War of the Worlds, brought to you by Steven Spielberg and Tom Cruise, off their success in Minority Report. Screenplay by David Koepp, whose credits include Jurassic Park, Panic Room, and Spider-Man. Generally, I wonder what's the point when the original is a classic, but with this team, the movie has great promise.

The bad: The Longest Yard. "What's the point?" is the apt question here. With Adam Sandler in the Burt Reynolds role, it's hard to envision the update having the same edge as the original.

Time will tell if I am being too hasty in my judgement of both.

Traffic Circle

After being disappointed by "sex, lies and videotape" and "Out of Sight", I avoided Steven Soderbergh movies like the plague. Which means I missed "Traffic" when it was in the theaters. Turns out that was a good thing because thanks to the magic of Netflix I learned that the movie was based on the 1989 BBC mini-series "Traffik".

I thus set myself the task of watching not only the BBC mini-series and the Soderbergh update, but also the USA mini-series inspired by its predecessors. Having completed the circle, I am now ready to weigh in on all three. Be forewarned that there are spoilers below in case you're itching to but haven't seen all of the incarnations.

Surprisingly, because I didn’t expect much of the USA version, they are all worthwhile. The BBC version is, not surprisingly, the best. It has a graininess and dark edge that the more stylized Soderbergh and USA editions lack. Possibly because of the production values at the time, but also because British shows and movies tend to be less pretty than their American counterparts.

While the look and feel of Soderbergh’s film, which netted an Academy Award for film editing, are intoxicating, his “Traffic” doesn’t feel as vital as “Traffik”. Largely because it had more time to delve into the stories of the characters, the latter has more emotional resonance. The characters’ suffering, their every thought and nuance, are much more palpable and uncomfortable to watch, making for a more satisfying experience. At least if you like that level of realism and angst in television and cinema.

Most critically, the story of the drug dealer’s wife is much more believable in “Traffik”. When the wife turns to trafficking herself and hires a hit on the man who implicated her husband, it’s more of a natural progression in the mini-series than in the movie. She was no innocent before her husband was arrested. Catherine Zeta-Jones’ character, however, was an innocent, and again because of the time factor, we don’t watch her slowly tread the slippery slope. One day she’s good, the next day she’s not.

The third-world story arc is also condensed in “Traffic”, again robbing the viewer of the emotional substance. It is heart rending to watch the plight of the peasant whose zealousness to make a comfortable life for his family leads to tragic consequences. This angle is boiled down to a good cop vs. bad cop tale in the movie.

The USA version is based on its predecessors almost in name only. It does keep the third-world angle, does tell the story of a foreign immigrant struggling to make a life for his family in the U.S., and does maintain the young girl struggles with drugs angle. However, it tells these stories in completely different ways, and it is updated to reflect the terrorist cloud we liver under today.

Still, it is compelling to watch, led by better-than-expected acting from some known and unknown faces. The best aspect of the story was the immigrant coming to terms with the death of his wife and daughter when they were trying to enter Seattle illegally via ship. Towards the end, it did fall apart, when it became a standard defuse-the-terrorist-threat yarn, but overall, it is solid.

If you have a spare several hours over a few weeks and haven’t seen any or all versions, it’s worthwhile investing the time. Start as I did with the BBC version to give yourself a full flavor (or is that flavour?) of the story.

And Now For Something Completely Musical

Let me lighten things up a bit. A Musical Meme from Andy at The World Wide Rant.

Random 10 Albums Semi-Sorta Randomly pulled from my collection:

Actually, these are randomly pulled. I went to iTunes Party Shuffle and jotted down the first 10 albums represented.

1. Tom Lehrer - Songs & More Songs by Tom Lehrer
   
2. Siouxsie & the Banshees - Twice Upon A Time: The Singles
   
3. Various - Soundtrack from Aa Ab Laut Chalen
   
4. The Cars - Anthology
   
5. The Ramones - Hey Ho! Let's Go: The Anthology
   
6. Arlo Guthrie - Alice's Restaurant
   
7. Various - Soundtrack from O Brother, Where Art Thou
   
8. Major Matt Mason USA - Me, Me, Me
   
9. The Vines - Highly Evolved
   
10. R.E.M. - Fables of the Reconstruction

What is the total amount of music files on your computer?

10.9 GB

The last CD you bought is:

Major Matt Mason USA - Honey, are you ready for the ballet.

What is the song you last listened to before this message?

Metric - Combat Baby.

Five songs that you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.

1. Guided by Voices - Everywhere With Helicopter
   
2. Jon Sebastian - You're Fired
   
3. Metric - Combat Baby
   
4. Erasure - Who Needs Love Like That
   
5. Tears for Fears - Mad World

Who are you gonna pass this stick to? (5 persons and why)

I'm echoing Andy on this one: "Anyone who wants it. Run with it, kids."

Pardon Me?

Calling all readers of this Blog who are fans of TV's most exciting hour, "24". Tony made a dramatic and welcome return this week, yet the question still lingers. Even though he did commit treason last season (by letting the bad guy go in order to protect his wife), why didn't President Palmer pardon him? He deserved it after all the good he did. I suppose the answer is dramatic tension. Have him on the run this season and let the current President pardon him after the crisis is averted.

Also interesting about Tony is that he was neither likeable nor sympathetic early on, but developed into a popular character. I suspect the same is true of Chloe, whom you loved to hate last year, but probably liked this year. At least I did. I suspect it's a mixture of realizing that for all their flaws they generally did the right thing and that they stepped outside the rule book and became rogue characters like Jack. There's something more likeable about essentially good yet gray characters than all good, self-righteous characters.

Indiependence Day

In a bit of a blogging rut. Don't really feel like blogging the amusing, but all over the blogosphere story about the terrorists kidnapping GI Joe. Although I don't think anyone picked GI Joe in The Dead Pool, so if he gets offed, no one gets any points.

In the mean time, I'll leave you with a little indie music for your listening pleasure.

Indiependence Day

That Book Meme

1. Grab the nearest book.
   
2. Open the book to page 123.
   
3. Find the fifth sentence.
   
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
   
5. Don't search around and look for the "coolest" book you can find. Do what's actually next to you.

"Should I take the chance of destroying her equilibrium forever?"

Via Dustbury

The sentence is from "The Dead Zone" by Stephen King. I haven't actually finished the book yet, but I feel fairly sure I can inform you that whoever "she" is, her equilibrium was destroyed forever. If "she" even survived. It is a Stephen King novel, after all.

Sports Obsessed

Surely, this will come as a shock to all who read this Blog, but I am huge into sports. As further proof, they have a sudden death question on Family Fued - whoever names the top answer first wins the game - and it's, "Name a famous Boone." Naturally, the top answer is Daniel. The first thought to come to my mind? Bret, as in the major league second baseman. Well, at least that's better than the first team that buzzed in with the response, "James".

New BSG or Classic BSG?

It may be the equivalent of New Coke vs. Classic Coke, except in this case, the new is probably far better than the classic and should have staying power. I speak of the new Battlestar Galactica on the SciFi Channel.

Telling the same story as its predecessor – manmade machines rise to wipe out almost all of the human population – it has a dark tone that seems rooted in the terrorist cloud hanging over us today. Compelling plots and writing, top notch acting led by Edward James Olmos, and mind-blowing special effects and battle scenes make for an exceptionally well done show.

Never having watched the original on a regular basis, I can’t say for sure whether the update is better, though I would hazard a guess that it is. The current BSG has an edge that the first one, made in the hey day of ham and cheesy TV dramas, likely lacked.

Eine Kleine Neu Musik

For your listening pleasure, some indie rock I've recently discovered.

Eine Kleine Neu Musik

The first song is Combat Baby by Metric.

The second is You're Fired by Jon Sebastian.

Undercover Brother, There Is No Other

I think it's time to buy the soundtrack for Undercover Brother. The movie has absolutely great songs, and I've now seen the flick itself so many times that whenever I hear a song from the movie, I flash back to the movie - to the scene where the song was used. What can I say, the movie is a funky blast.

Everybody Wang Chung Tonight

On second thought, don't.

Say What?

Song lyrics that have always puzzled me:

"Twenty-five or six to four."

"Jeremiah was a bullfrog. He was a good friend of mine. I never understood a single word he said, but I helped him drink his wine."

Help. What do these mean?

Where's Ken Ober When You Need Him?

In this week's sign of the apocalypse, a regular viewer of NBC's disgust-fest "Fear Factor" is suing the show for trauma he claims to have suffered while watching the show. Austin Aitken claims he was so repulsed by one of the dares on the show that he lost his bearings and walked into a doorway, incurring "injury and great pain".

It's hard to tell how serious the lawsuit is, given that Aitken says of his $2.5 million claim, "I just put any figure. You really think I expect to get $2.5 million?" Nonetheless, of the many frivolous lawsuits I've read about, his may top the cake, suggesting that his time might have been better spent watching that classic MTV game show "Remote Control".

No Radio, Podcasts!

Let’s get one thing straight, folks. I listen to radio to hear music and not some vaudeville routine.

I used to listen to the radio to hear music. Only years ago, I determined that radio sucks because:

1. Too many annoyingly talky deejays
   
2. Too many annoying commercials
   
3. Too many repetitions of the same bad songs over and over and over and...

So with the advent of digital music, I stopped listening to the radio. Listening to my music on an mp3 player seemed ideal. No deejays, no commercials, and only music I liked!

Unfortunately, this did have a downside too. I never got exposed to new music. However, it was a small price to pay to rid myself of the evils of radio.

But now I can have my iPod* and eat it too! [I wonder if it's low calorie.] I have discovered podcasts. Podcasts are like radio broadcasts for the iPod. You subscribe to the RSS feeds of the podcasts you choose. Your aggregator (such as iPodder) refreshes them when a new feed is published and loads it to your mp3 player.

What's so great about podcasts? Well, there is some talking, but if the podcaster annoys you, it's on your mp3 player. You can fast forward through the annoying bits. There are no commercials. And, depending on the podcasts you subscribe to, you can hear new music! I am particularly fond of Tracks Up The Tree, which has introduced me to a lot of new music that I like. Funtime Ben has excellent taste. And he and his buddies aren't annoying at all when they talk.

Get all Nancy Reagan on radio. Switch to podcasts!

*For those of you who don't own an iPod or other portable mp3 player, fear not! You can listen to podcasts on your computer through any of the free mp3 software available, like iTunes, WinAmp, MusicMatch, or even Brain's Bill Gates' attempt to take over all aspects of your computing life, Windows Media Player.

Music, Just Play Music

Mickey Dolenz of the Monkees is now the AM morning deejay for WCBS FM in New York. I can only hope that hiring someone with an oversized personality like his is not a sign that the morning show will become more about shtick than music. But right now, there's a lot of other stuff going on, including taking phone calls from listeners. Let's get one thing straight, folks. I listen to radio to hear music and not some vaudeville routine. And naturally what I want is the most important thing.

Just In Case You Happen To Have $5 Grand Hanging Around

But seriously, if you do, maybe you want to consider Oxfam's Asian Earthquake Fund instead.

Love/Hate

What I love about the holiday season - the food. Lots of cookies, chocolate, popcorn, cakes. Yummy.

What I hate about the holiday season - the food. It is so much easier not to gain weight in the first place than to lose it in the second. Yet it's hard to resist all the food when it's constantly around you. I don't keep cookies and cakes at home, because if it's here, I'll eat it. But among my holiday gifts, I received four tins of gourmet hot chocolate and a bag of chocolates. I preferred the Amazon.com and iTunes gift certificates.

Speaking of which, I now have a lot of books stacked up to read. Maybe I should be reading instead of blogging.

Awesome!

Happy Chanukah to me. My Chanukah gift from Lesley arrived today: "The Lord of the Rings: The Motion Picture Trilogy - Special Extended DVD Edition". Now, in no way was this a surprise, since we'd planned it several months ago when the release date was announced. I'd buy one for her, and she'd buy one for me. Still, having it in my little hands is just awesome. I can't wait to set aside a day and watch all three movies back to back. A long day, sure, but who cares? These movies rock!

And, of course, thanks to Lesley for her generosity.

Saracen Pig!

Spartan dog!

Roman cow!

Yes, my favorite Woody Allen movie (and the only one I will now watch), What's Up Tiger Lily, is available on DVD. This is the Japanese spy film he took, ripped the soundtrack out of, and dubbed in his own. Possibly the best spy film ever made.

It also benefits from not having to actually watch Woody Allen on screen (except for a couple of minutes when they break in to do an interview with the director). Yes, he does voice the main character - Phil Moscowitz, lovable rogue - but that doesn't bother me like actually having to watch him does.

Let the search for the world's best egg salad recipe begin!

Making a Splash

When I heard that Kevin Spacey was doing all the singing in his biopic of Bobby Darin, my reaction was that it could be a colossal mistake. Not because of doubts about Spacey’s ability to sing, but because of questions whether he could sound close enough to the incomparable Darin to be believable. That’s a tough task for anyone, especially someone who’s not a singer by trade.

I stand corrected and amazed. Through moviefone.com, you can listen to the entire movie soundtrack. I’m playing it now, and while Spacey is not a 100% dead ringer, he is incredibly close. He falls short on one song - Splish Splash, where he sounds like Kevin Spacey trying to imitate Darin - but otherwise he perfectly captures the full range of Darin’s singing styles. Heck, if I hadn’t known it was Spacey going in, I would have thought I was listening to Darin on Beyond the Sea. There’s just no difference - at least not to my ear.

Any doubts I had about seeing the movie have been erased. I’ll be there the first weekend if my schedule allows.

What?

In what strange world does Celine Dion top the iTunes Music Store artist downloads for the song "Feliz Navidad" and Jose Feliciano not even appear in the top 5?

Me think me in Bizarro World.

BTW, I did buy the Jose Feliciano version. I do love Christmas music, although I could do without it nonstop from Thanksgiving to Christmas. Right now, I'm listening to a nice version of "I Saw Three Ships".

Cover Me, Baby

Sure, Michele may be a week behind the times on the Daily Telegraph's list of the 50 best cover songs, but I'm a week and A Small Victory behind the times. I would never have even known about this otherwise.

I'm not going to weigh in on the list, per se. But it did start me thinking about certain covers that I like better than the original versions. Most of the time, I prefer the original, even when I really like the cover. There are those rare occasions, though, when the cover is even better. In no particular order:

1. Flying Lizards - "Money (That's What I Want)". To be honest, I don't know who first recorded this song. I do know that the Beatles version of it is a cover. However, of all the versions of this song I've heard, hands down the Flying Lizards is the best. You hear the rest of the lead singers intoning how all they really want is money, and you think "Yeah, yeah, sure." You hear the lead singer from the Flying Lizards, and you believe her. Man, she sounds like one cold-hearted bitch. The fact that they recorded it in a bathroom to get that cool echo sound only adds to that feeling.

2. The Communards - "Don't Leave Me This Way" (Donna Summer). No one sings Donna Summer like Jimmy Somerville. He's a better Donna Summer than Donna Summer. Even when he was lead singer for Bronski Beat, he did a great cover of "I Feel Love".

3. Camper Van Beethoven - "Pictures of Matchstick Men" (Status Quo). The original is all right in that 60s kind of psychedelic way. Camper Van B, however, adds a more staccato beat to it that makes the song.

4. Aztec Camera - "Jump" (Van Halen). Okay, I know this will be anathema to many, but I just don't like Van Halen. There's no explaining it. I just don't. Therefore, any cover version of one of their songs that I like I will automatically like more than the original.

5. They Might Be Giants - "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)" (Who even knows who originally recorded this). Awesome version of what is otherwise just a comic little song.

Rock Around the Clock

Come to think of it, why isn't "Rock Around the Clock" in the top 20 oldies of all time? After all, with its use in "Blackboard Jungle" isn't it the song that launched the rock and roll era? Aside from the fact that the song is a total blast, it deserves to be all the way at the top for the influence it had.

Top 20 Oldies

Listeners of WCBS FM in NYC have spoken and chosen their top 500 oldies of all time. As always, there's a ton of Beatles, Simon & Garfunkel, and Diana Ross on the list. I must have missed the Elvis because I haven't heard anything from him yet.

What's debatable is the top 20. I just don't know how many of these I would put among the best oldies of all time or what order I would put them in. But I can certainly say that Boogie Oogie Oogie is not the fourth best of all time, that My Girl is not even the best Temptations song ever, and where oh where is Aretha? My girlfriend Marian is aghast at the selction of Hey Jude as the overall number one and would rank American Pie higher.

For your consideration and input, I present the top 20 in reverse order.

20 Set Me Free
19 For What It's Worth
18 Yesterday
17 Dancing in the Streets
16 Runaround Sue
15 In the Still of the Night
14 Nights in White Satin
13 Let It Be
12 Can't Get Enough of Your Love
11 Grease
10 Heard It Through the Grapevine
9 American Pie
8 Ain't No Mountain High Enough
7 Bridge Over Troubled Water
6 Stand by Me
5 Unchained Melody
4 Boogie Oogie Oogie
3 Mack the Knife
2 My Girl
1 Hey Jude

Yet More Guilty Pleasures

Just one guilty admission this time. "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor is one of the best songs of the disco era. It rocks. Or should that be, it discos?

Yawn. Yay.

Soon available on DVD:

1. The Ultimate Matrix Collection. Ho hum. I'll stick with the first movie, thank you.

2. The Lord of the Rings extended version trilogy. Right on! That my friends is an ultimate DVD collection. The ultimate DVD collection.

More Miscasting

A while back I mused about George Lucas’ casting errors in the current “Star Wars” episodes. Oliver Stone’s “Alexander” seems to suffer from even more fatal casting errors.

Where to start in playing casting critic for “Alexander?” Let’s see, there’s Angelina Jolie cast as Alexander’s mother. That would be okay if, say, Haley Joel Osmont were cast as Alexander the teen tyrant, but in the lead is Colin Farrell. He’s 28, she’s 29. Add Val Kilmer, who’s not much older, and we have casting that stretches the bounds of believability. Plus does anyone really buy Farrell as a blond bisexual pretty boy, which is what Alexander apparently was?

Let’s start from scratch here. Into the role of Alexander we’ll plug Jude Law or Guy Pearce, still the right age, closer to the look, and more capable of capturing the nuances between being straight and gay. As the mom, Susan Sarandon is exactly the right age (58), and in my book, she is still as awesome as Jolie. (Visions of her in “Rocky Horror.”) Michelle Pfeiffer, at 46, is a little on the young side, but not as much so as Jolie, is also smoking hot and is an excellent actress. Either would be top choices. For papa Alexander, how about Brian Cox? Like Sarandon, he’s in his mid 50’s, and he’s a much better actor than Kilmer could be in his best dreams. Finally, we'll slide Jolie into the role of Alexander's wife and Farrell into the role of his lover to keep them in the flick. Recasting in this vein might not save the apparently putrid film but it’s a start.

Movie Reviewing 101: Don't Summarize The Plot

As a once-upon-a-time journalist, I've written all types of stories: straight news, features, sports, and even movie reviews. Aside from the inverted pyramid style, one of the main things I was taught is not to summarize plots when reviewing movies. Yet movie reviewers today apparently have forgotten or never learned this lesson. They spend more time summarizing the plot than critiquing the movie. Even that bastion of journalism, The New York Times, is guilty.

In his review of "Christmas with the Kranks," all Stephen Holden does is plot summary (registration required). There is no review at all. No way to sense what he thought of the movie, making it a worthless review. Help me out here, Stephen, and tell me whether it's a good movie or a bad movie and why. Knowing only the what does me no good in helping me decide whether to attend a movie.

Book to Movie

You know how most of the time when a book is made into a movie, the book far surpasses the movie? I was just watching the movie version of Mansfield Park when it hit me that, in a reversal of the usual, I actually prefer the movie to the book. Jane Austen's "Mansfield Park" is, indeed, an excellent book, full of the characterizations and social satire for which she is best known. Yet its heroine, Fanny Price, is, unlike other Austen heroines, thorougly insipid. She annoys me.

In the movie, the screenwriters have conflated the character of Fanny with that of Jane Austen herself. Fanny becomes a writer and, when quoting from letters she has written, the screenwriters quote letters written by Jane Austen. This amalgamation of the two women, fictional and real, gives Fanny the spunk and spark she is sorely missing in the book. The character of Edmund comes off as much less priggish in the movie as well.

If you're a Jane Austen fan and haven't seen this movie, I highly recommend it.

My Real Guilty Pleasures

As my brother really knows, this post was not about my guilty pleasures. I don't consider brie, latte, pate, cheeseburgers, etc. to be guilty pleasures. The post was me making fun of people who make derisive comments about "brie-eating, latte-swilling New Yorkers" and "NASCAR dads". Okay, I'm not a NASCAR dad, but the point still stands. Expressing feelings of superiority over others due to their food preferences and entertainment choices is rather silly.

I do, however, have some actual guilty pleasures:

1. Degrassi: The Next Generation. Yes, I'm 40. Still, I enjoy watching a program about high school students. I used to watch Degrassi Junior High, which then morphed into Degrassi High, and now I'm watching Degrassi: The Next Generation.

2. Contrary to my brother's belief, I actually do like a Madonna song. Just the one, but still. It's "Get Into the Groove" from Desperately Seeking Susan.

3. I totally love the "The Chipmunk Song". You know, the "Christmas, Christmas time is near. Time for toys, and time for cheer." song. Be quiet.

4. One movie I will generally watch when it comes around on cable is Jawbreaker. This isn't one of your really good high school culture dark satire films like Heathers. This is a rather cheesy little satire on the popularity culture of high school.

5. Stephen King novels. He's not a great writer, admittedly, but he is a great storyteller. In fact, I just finished "The Dark Tower". Long, but ultimately enjoyable.

6. Julie Andrews! Sure, I wouldn't normally consider this a guilty pleasure, but there are those who regularly mock Julie Andrews movies. Yes, dammit, I love The Sound of Music, Mary Poppins, Victor/Victoria, The Princess Diaries, etc.! So there!

Beyond the Sea

With a Bobby Darin movie opening this week, "Beyond the Sea" starring Kevin Spacey, once again I'm reminded of all the music I love but still don't own. Darin is high on the list along with another incomparable star who had a bio-pic open this fall. I speak, of course, of Ray Charles.

Who else? Frankie Vallie and the Four Seasons, Abba, and Tommy James come to mind straight off.

Hmm, I was thinking of the new Phil Simms book as a potential Chanukah gift from Mom & Dad. Might need to change to that one of the above. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. Say no more, say no more.

More TV Trivia

Yesterday's bit of trivia was that James Arness is actually James Aurness and is Peter Graves' brother. For today, three more facts about Gunsmoke and two about The Rockford Files.

Gunsmoke remains the longest running drama in television history. It was on the air for twenty years, yes twenty!. It premiered in 1955 and didn’t end its run until 1975. Imagine if they put it on DVD. That would easily set you back a grand or more.

Gunsmoke was briefly cancelled in 1967, but was saved by the president of CBS, who was a fan. Ending the longest three-hour tour in maritime history, he pulled the anchor on Gilligan’s Island to make a place for Gunsmoke on Monday nights. Aside from nudging Gilligan’s Island off the schedule, Gunsmoke helped to launch the career of Burt Reynolds, who played the role of Quint Asper from 1962 to 1965.

Two other well-known leading men can thank The Rockford Files for helping launch them to prominence. In back-to-back weeks in October 1978, Tom Selleck and Ed Harris had guest roles on the show. Harris’ role was smaller – not to mention his hair line, which was already receding at the tender age of 28 – as he played a murderous cop who had maybe 10 minutes of air time. If that. Selleck, on the other hand, starred as Lance White, Rockford’s sort-of PI buddy, in two of the show’s most enduring episodes. Selleck’s portrayal of White, who is a cross between James Bond and an overgrown boy scout, landed him the role of Magnum PI. In an interesting twist, both Harris and Selleck had minor roles in Coma the same year.

Enough trivia for today. However, there will be a quiz tomorrow. So study up!

The Aurness Brothers

Here's something I didn't know. James Arness is really James Aurness, and he's also Peter Graves' brother. Just learned this now as I was trolling the internet for information on Gunsmoke, which I've taken to watching from time to time on The Western Channel.

Scroll all the way to the end of this photo gallery to see them together with their father.

V. Cute

Saw "Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason" today. Enjoyed self v. much. Bruce also enjoyed it, despite status as chick flick. Highly recommend.

Now On A DVD Near Me

The Rockford Files! But just on a DVD near me, not you. Sorry. A few weeks ago I purchased a DVD recorder, mainly to get the Rockford Files on DVD. I started seriously recording last week and now have my first full DVD. Seven episodes and counting. Take that Universal!

Finally!

A reason to see Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith other than a sick need to complete seeing the series. James Earl Jones will be doing the voice of Darth Vader! I was sure that was his voice I heard during the preview I saw today. Yes!

One of The Important Issues of the Day

Does the new U2 song "Vertigo" rock or what?

Monster Chiller Theatre Name That Tune - Answers

Either only Dietz actually knew the answers or no one else cared. I'm going with both.

Song #1 is "Everyday is Halloween" by Ministry. It is quite fitting for the holiday. It also reminds me of my punk rock days, when I sported a flat top and yellow hair. Despite what my mother says, those were fun days.

Song #2 is "Bela Lugosi's Dead" by Bauhaus. Awesome song.

Scary Movies

My list of scary movies.

1. The Exorcist. Hands down, scariest movie I've ever seen.
   
2. Halloween. Few things are scarier than a serial killer wearing a mask of William Shatner's face.
   
3. Evil Dead II. Trust me. It's scary.
   
4. The Haunting. That is one creepy movie.
   
5. Ringu. When Sadako comes out of the television set, I'm freaked.
   
6. Poltergeist. They're here, and I'm scared.
   
7. Psycho. Hmm, do I still want to take a shower tomorrow?
   
8. The Birds. To this day, I'm afraid of birds as a result of this movie.
   
9. Willard. All those rats...
   
10. The Others. I was surprised at how creepy this ghost story was.

Halloween Scream Fest

The offering of scary flicks leading up to Halloween has left me cold this year. Today, for example, I find nothing much of interest on.

I decided to put my programming hat on and come up with my own customized 24-hour marathon of scream flicks. I get the ball rolling with the classic Psycho and bookend it with, what else, Halloween. In between, it's a mix of occult and slasher freak outs.

Midnight: Psycho
2:15 am: Night of the Living Dead
4:15 am: Dawn of the Dead
6:45 am: Friday the 13th
8:30 am: The Exorcist
11 am: Rosemary’s Baby
1:45 pm: The Omen
4 pm: Ringu
6 pm: Nightmare on Elm Street
8:15 pm: Scream
10:30: Halloween

Recasting Stars Wars Episodes 1-3

I just finished watching the "first" three Stars Wars movies - Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi. Not all in one shot, mind you, but over the course of a couple of weeks.

Got me to thinking again how badly George Lucas has so far mangled the "second" three Stars Wars movies. You could really see the trend begin in Return of the Jedi, where he got away from the human drama in favor of technology and aliens. The last half or so of Return of the Jedi is great, especially the showdown between Luke and Darth Vader, but the rest falls flat.

One of the flaws is in the pitiful casting choices Lucas has made for the young Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker. Nothing against Ewan McGregor - he's a fine actor - but he's a poor choice for the serene but strong Obi-Wan. Alec Guinness could pull off the subtle nuances, not McGregor. Hayden Christensen as Anakin? Forget it. He definitely cannot pull off the subtlety of being essentially a good person corrupted by his dark side.

Now, if I were casting these flicks, whom would I choose? Glad you asked, even though you didn't. My top choice for Obi-Wan is Sean Bean. He's an outstanding Shakespearian actor and was excellent in Lord of the Rings as the swashbuckling but troubled Boromir. I can see him growing into the older Obi-Wan. Actually, if he were younger, he would be the ideal choice for Anakin. Aside from Bean, I would choose Kenneth Branagh.

Matt Damon would be perfect as Anakin. Sure, he's a bit old, but you never knew just how old Anakin was in the middle episodes, and Damon has shown consistently that he can pull off grey characters. Think The Talented Mr. Ripley and Jason Bourne. If you want to go a bit younger or from the British Isles, which Lucas seems to like, there's Jude Law, Christian Bale, Colin Farrell, or even McGregor. Farrell is the closest to Christensen in age, but all have the ability to capture the nuances of the character. However you slice it, any of them would have been better choices.

Oh well, it's too late now, and I'm not especially looking forward to the next installment. Might not even bother to see it in the theater. That's how much of a let down the first two were.

A Real Pistol

Rebecca Gayheart’s character Betty was on Dead Like Me for only the first five episodes. Her replacement Daisy, played by Laura Harris, has been on the show longer, yet to this day, I miss the irrepressible Betty and wish she were still on the show. I just finished watching “Reaping Havoc,” Betty’s last episode, on DVD and felt that same sense of melancholy I did the first time.

This exchange between George, the show’s heroine, and Rube, the father figure, nicely says why Betty was such an appealing character:

Rube: “Betty told me Millie had an older brother.” (Millie is George’s alter ego.)

George: “No. She had an older sister. And she was fearless.”

Rube (smiling): “Yeah, she was a real pistol.”

Yes, she was. Funny how we grow attached to fictional characters, isn’t it?

The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch

Please join me today in a prayer from the Book of Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one:

“And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu. . .”

Let us skip ahead a bit:

“And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'”

Let us all say, "Amen."

(Courtesy of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.)

Off the Street

When there was no word on a third season of Street Time, I decided to hunt around the internet for the status of the show. Unfortunately, the show has been cancelled, as I feared.

Too bad. In my opinion, it was the best drama on television. A gritty and realistic drama that centered on an ex-con played by Rob Morrow, who was on probation and finishing his time on the street, and his parole agent played by Scott Cohen. That casting is what made the show as compelling as it was. The safe route would have been to cast Cohen, who is darker than Morrow, as the ex-con and Morrow, whom we associate with the good guy, as the parole agent. Since they were both grey characters – Morrow’s essentially a good person and Cohen’s having a dark side – reversing types played off brilliantly. It added an element of complexity and depth to the roles that might have been missing had the producers cast with type instead of against it. Kudos to a show that was brave in all respects and that will be missed.

Plenty of Respect

Rest in peace Rodney Dangerfield.

The Stages of a Relationship

Once again, I am listening to WCBS FM, and this time they're playing Lady Willpower by Gary Puckett. Which as always brings to my mind the stages of a relationship you can create from his songs:

"Young Girl get out of my mind, my love for you is way out of line." But hold it, she's all grown up and is now "Lady Willpower, it's now or never for you to give your love to me." Sadly, things have hit a rough patch, and "Woman Woman have you got cheating on your mind?" I think the answer is yes because now it's the worst news for Gary, as the relationship ends and he just can't get Over You. Better luck next time, Gary.

Madlibbing The Classics

Time to have fun with a classic moment from one of the best films of all time. Borrowing from Mad Magazine's "Mad Libs", provide the wackiest answers for the different parts of speech below. When you're done, click on the "Please, sir, may I have some more link", fill in the blanks and see just how badly you've twisted this cinematic moment. If you're really brave, show your results in the comments.

Noun #1, action verb #1, noun #2, verb #1, verb #2, adjective #1, name #1, noun #3, noun #4, noun #5, noun #6.

Just case in my instructions really suck, let's say it were Bogie's "of all the gin joints in the all towns in all the world, she walks into mine" speech and gin was replaced with adjective #1, joints with noun #2, and walks with verb #3, you'd replace gin with your adjective of choice, joints with your noun of choice, etc.

Got it? Good, then get going, and NO PEEKING!

It's the "I could've been a contender speech" from "On the Waterfront"! So how badly have you mangled it? (For the real thing, click here and search for "contender".)

Terry: It was you, Charley. You was my (noun #1). You should of (action verb #1) for me. Instead of making me take them (noun #2) for the short-end money.

Charley: I always had a bet down for you. You saw some money.

Terry: (verb #1)! You don't (verb #2)!

Charley: I tried to keep you in (adjective #1) with (name #1).

Terry: You don't (verb #2)! I could've been a (noun #3). I could've had (noun #4) and been [a/an] (noun #5). Real (noun #4). Instead of a (noun #6), let's face it, which is what I am. It was you, Charley.

Supercalifragi- listicexpialidocious

Here's something that's not atrocious: Mary Poppins has come to the stage. It's too bad (for those of us on this side of the Pond) that it's limited to London. Hopefully it'll be a smash and cross over.

Mark This Day In Your Calendars

It's finally happened.

A momentous occasion.

There were people who said I was not a real American for never having done this.

That's right. I finally watched The Godfather.

Yes, it was excellent.

Is everybody happy?

Separated At Birth?

Okay, yet another person told me tonight that I resemble Sigourney Weaver. So you, my faithful readers (all 10 of you), can help me decide if this is true. Do I remind you of Sigourney Weaver?

Honey, While You're At The Market Could You Pick Up Some Napkins And A Few Caskets?

Finally! It's about time someone started serving this market. At last, you can stock up on caskets while you're buying your bulk paper goods and bottles of soda.

White Stuff On My Nose...

I was reminiscing about songs I listened to in high school earlier today and remembered this fabby song by Blotto - "I Wanna Be A Lifeguard". I loved that song. It was so kitschy that it was great. You can even download a free mp3 of it at Blotto's website. Click below to see the lyrics.

Selling shoes
Another loser working in a shopping mall
9 to 5
A slave driver telling me "Get on the ball!"
A crowded store
I kneel before them
Misery beyond compare
Sweaty socks
A lady boxer
What's she got against fresh air?
I want an ocean and some sunscreen lotion
Take me to the beach with a thousand pretty girls in reach
I, I, I wanna be a lifeguard (help,help,help,help)
I, I, I wanna guard your life
I, I, I wanna be a lifeguard (lifeguard, lifeguard)
Hardly any clothes (lifeguard)
Sand between my toes (lifeguard)
White stuff on my nose
Selling shoes
Another loser working in a shopping mall
I'm getting fat
What does it matter?
Nobody cares at all
But next July, I'll say goodbye to every out-of-it, dull-witted fool
Convert their feet into meters, marking distance at the swimming pool
Summer blondes revealing tanlines
I'll make more moves than Allied Van Lines
I, I, I wanna be a lifeguard (be a big man, now...get a great tan, now)
I, I, I wanna guard your life
I, I, I wanna be a lifeguard (lifeguard, lifeguard)
Sitting on my chair (lifeguard)
In the salty air (lifeguard)
White stuff on my nose
I, I, I wanna be a lifeguard (help,help,help,help)
I, I, I wanna guard your life
I, I, I wanna be a lifeguard (lifeguard, lifeguard)
Lounging on the deck (lifeguard)
Whistle 'round my neck (lifeguard)
White stuff in my nose
I, I, I wanna be a lifeguard (lifeguard, lifeguard)

Schizo Screen Slamdowns

First there was Freddy vs. Jason. Now we have Alien vs. Predator. What's next in the merging of movie franchises? Why not, I'm thinking, use the wonderful world of technology and pit separate characters played by the same actor against each other. Rocky vs. Rambo. Conan vs. The Terminator. You get the picture (pun possibly intended).

So vote now. What "Schizo Screen Slamdown" would you most like to see? (And yes, I know, schizophrenia is different from dissociative identity disorder, but I liked the alliteration. Hassle me not.)

Double Dose of Carole King

I'm listening to WCBS FM (golden oldies station in NYC) this morning. In the last hour, they've played two songs by Carole King. One that I'm sure you'd recognize as hers – “So Far Away” - and one that you might not know is hers – “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman”.

Of all the Woodstock-era female singers - Joan Baez, Judy Collins, Joni Mitchell, and Carole King (apologies if I've left anyone out) - Carole King might be my favorite. What I find most intriguing and appealing about her music is that she wrote some of the most popular music of the late 1950s and early 1960s before taking a turn behind the mike herself. “One Fine Day”, “A Natural Woman”, “Will You Love Me Tomorrow”, “Up On The Roof”, and “Pleasant Valley Sunday” are but a handful of the many songs she wrote with partner and then-husband Gerry Goffin. Then in 1968, she released her first album, aptly titled “Now That Everything’s Been Said”.

Taking nothing away from Baez, Collins, and Mitchell, who are incomparably talented, it takes extraordinary talent to succeed writing one type of music and then to enjoy equal success singing entirely different music. “Tapestry”, rich with songs like “So Far Away”, “I Feel the Earth Move”, “It's Too Late”, and "You've Got a Friend", is one of the best folk rock albums of all time. Time to amend the one glaring hole in my CD collection and buy some Carole King.

He'd Walk a Mile for a Camel

But He Wouldn't Cross the Street for Me.

A should-be name of a country song, courtesy of Lesley, who I believe got it from an old friend.

Compared to these actual titles of country songs:

"I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling"
"I've Been Flushed from the Bathroom of Your Heart"
"If My Nose Were Full of Nickels I'd Blow It All on You"
"You Were Only a Splinter As I Slid Down the Banister of Life"

No comparison really.

I Am a Genius

After reading Lesley’s post about it, I decided to watch Equilibrium. So there I am watching the movie and looking at the protagonist. I say to myself, the actor looks Christian Bale. Well, there’s an excellent reason why the actor looks Christian Bale. I will say no more and let you fill in the blank.

Gonna Crawl Now

When last we saw Rocky Balboa, he was a washed-up fighter reduced to taking on his adversary in the streets. If the rumors are true, when next we see Rocky, he'll be - now let me phrase this delicately - a washed-up fighter attempting a comeback against Vin Diesel. Hey Lesley, I think there's a new candidate for your top 10 worst movies of all time. In the meantime, I'd like to offer up George Foreman, who at 55 is actually younger than Sylvester Stallone, as a more fitting ring partner.

Ben and Matt

I was having a conversation this evening about actors and actresses who don't extend themselves. That brought to mind the example I always like to use: the difference between Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Friends and partners in various projects, they are two of the most talented actors of this generation. (Lesley disagrees with me about Affleck.)

However, I've always found Affleck's choice of roles disappointing. He rarely seems to take on challenging roles, instead settling for the sure blockbuster (and usually bad) parts. Damon, on the other hand, manages to walk the fine line between the blockbuster roles and more challenging roles (The Talented Mr. Ripley, for example). When Affleck makes the right choice, I enjoy watching him, where I almost invariably enjoy Damon no matter what the role (except for the forgettable Stuck on You, which I avoided).

The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged)

One word: Brilliant!

Viewed

To view or not to view. That was the question about The Manchurian Candidate. The answer? Viewed. This afternoon. I actually made it a double feature and started the day with Tom Cruise’s Collateral. It was a spur of the moment decision to take the day off after seeing the strong reviews accorded Collateral.

Although I enjoyed The Manchurian Candidate, it is not as strong as the original movie. If anything Collateral is more on par with the first Manchurian Candidate, in its effectiveness as a thriller, than the remake. Before proceeding to read why, be warned that there are spoilers for all three movies below.

All three movies are thrillers, but what separates the best thrillers from the more routine thrillers is the way they interject a moment of calm, like an eye in the storm, into tense situations. They lull the audience into a sense of comfort before pulling out the rug.

There are many such moments in the original Manchurian Candidate, and an outstanding scene in Collateral that starts out innocuously and is truly a nice moment before it switches gears. As effective as the current Manchurian Candidate is, it doesn’t have any of these moments. It rockets ahead from the opening scene, without pausing for breath, and doesn’t toy with your hopes the same way that the original or Collateral does.

The first Manchurian Candidate is a dark and cynical psychological thriller, where the current is strictly a political thriller that keeps the audience on the edge of its seat but doesn’t get into its mind.

The mother’s motivation is more complex and sinister in the first Manchurian Candidate. In the remake, she’s driven purely by political ambition, which we think is her motivation in the original. The most stunning revelation in the original is when the audience learns that her McCarthyism is all a ploy to maneuver her communist husband into the White House.

Like a Shakespearean or Greek tragedy, the original gives you reason to believe that everything will work out for Raymond Shaw right before everything unravels for him in the climactic moments. There is never that hope for the current Raymond Shaw, and for that reason, there is less of an emotional stake in his character. The resolution is different, too, with Bennett Marco unable to save the original Shaw but in a way able to save the current Shaw.

In the end, the original Manchurian Candidate is a deeply unsettling movie that leaves an indelible mark. The current version is simply a nice diversion for two hours. My fear in seeing this incarnation was that it would erode the strong memory of the first movie. Instead, it has thrown the original into even sharper relief and made me appreciate it more. That alone is worth the price of admission.

He Is Voldemort

Cool news on the Harry Potter front. Ralph Fiennes has signed on to play Lord Voldemort in the film version of The Goblet of Fire. Other than Jeremy Irons and Alan Rickman, who's already wonderfully cast as Professor Snape, I can think of no better choice to play Voldemort. Rickman and Irons were perfect as the villains in the first and third Die Hard movies. They were unrepentantly evil, as Voldemort is, but brought a deft touch to the roles. They played the parts with charm and a twinkle in their eye. Fiennes has the exact same skill. Instead of playing Voldemort strictly as the heavy, I see him bringing panache and fun to the role.

In other casting news, the excellent Brendan Gleeson and Miranda Richardson have also signed on for key roles in the movie. Now if we just didn't have to wait until November 2005 for it to come out.

Theatre, Anyone?

I have just booked tickets for the Saturday evening show of "The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged)" performed by The Reduced Shakespeare Company. It was actually a show I had wanted to see when it was playing in New York City, but I'm even more excited to be seeing it in London. This is for three major reasons:

1. Well, England was the birthplace of Shakespeare, after all, so it seems quite fitting.
   
2. Even with the weak dollar, it's still less money than seeing a Broadway show in the States.
   
3. Sitting in the Stalls sounds so much more intriguing than sitting in the Orchestra section.

Expect a review soonest.

Wired

Excellent news for fans of The Wire. Season 3 is premiering Sunday, September 19, and HBO will be releasing Season 1 on DVD in October.

For those of you who’ve recently heard the term limited series instead of mini series, I’d wager that The Wire is largely responsible. As originally conceived, it was to be a one season show, lasting 13 episodes, that traced the development of a case by the Baltimore PD against a drug lord. The show was so successful that it’s now been renewed twice, continuing to use the similar concept of following only one case over 12 or so episodes. It allows us into the world of both the cops and the bad guys. To see the story unfold from both points of view.

From the creators of Homicide, including author David Simon, whose book Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets was the basis for the one of the best shows in TV history. No exaggeration.

Uh, Never Mind

What I said about Walmart over Netflix? Pretend I never said it. Walmart is supposed to ship out new DVDs once the Post Office scans them. Ain't happened with the two DVDs I sent back on Saturday. Walmart is still showing them as out and not on the way back. Bye Netflix? Nope. Hello Netflix.

'Splain to Me

Gilligan's Island is available on DVD. The Rockford Files isn't. The Greatest American hero will be. The Rockford Files isn't. The Lost World is. The Rockford Files isn't. Magnum PI is, which actually is ok, but did I mention The Rockford Files isn't? Frankly, I don't get it.

I See Dead People

In a happy coincidence - though something tells me it was actually quite deliberate - Showtime's Dead Like Me has landed on Sunday nights immediately after HBO's Six Feet Under. The pairing makes for a two-hour block of shows that are thematic twins. On the most superficial level, they’re about death, but deeper down, they’re really about life. How we struggle to cope with the day-to-day vagaries of living and try to find meaning in it all.

I’m sure most of you are familiar with Six Feet Under, now in its fourth season and one of the most acclaimed shows on television. You’re probably less familiar with Dead Like Me.

In its second season, Dead Like Me is earning nothing but raves. The concept is undeniably macabre. Georgia Lass, a disaffected college drop-out, dies suddenly when a falling piece of space-station debris lands on her. Much to her chagrin, she isn’t ushered off to the after-life, but instead becomes a grim reaper – taking the souls of people who are about to suffer ignominious ends like her. But the way the show pulls it off, it’s anything but morbid.

It’s actually quite charming, funny, and sweet. We get to watch George, as she’s called, interact hilariously with her fellow grim reapers – led by the caustic but eminently likeable Rube (Mandy Patinkin) - and grow into a disarming adult. (Actually, she was disarming even when she was a sulking brat.) A life-affirming show that’s definitely worth the watch. It’s just too bad that Wonderfalls, the other show from Dead Like Me's creator, flamed out on Fox.

Notflix

Don't get me wrong. Netflix is a great idea, but it's gotten a little expensive for my taste. Started at $19.95 and is now close to $24. Into the fray steps Walmart. A brand name and cheaper. Bye Netflix.

Vote - Cult Comics Turned Movie

The other day I watched Men in Black again. It got me to thinking about the various cult comics that have been successfully turned into movies in recent years. My personal favorite is Ghost World, and Undcover Brother is a riot. What's your take? Vote below. (If I missed your favorite, just add a comment to the entry.)

Here and Now

A few minutes ago I stepped outside to place a couple of DVDs from Netlix into the mail box. It's early on a Sunday morning, and as I'm walking the few yards to the corner, the lyrics for "Here and Now" by Letters to Cleo start running through my head: "Just living on a Sunday morning. Got my toast and tea, and I'm warming." In reality, I have my cereal bar and a glass of water as I get ready to go running, but this song, used on Melrose Place going back about 10 years ago, introduced me to this excellent band from Boston. They've since disbanded, with lead singer Kay Hanley striking out on her own, but I've always enjoyed their sharp, ironic lyrics and crisp, straight-ahead rhythms.

To View or Not to View

I am debating whether to see the remake of the Manchurian Candidate. It's gotten excellent reviews, but the original is a true classic, and as good as the current version may be, I'm not sure I want to change the image of the movie in my head. I probably will relent. I'm a sucker for a good thriller.

It's A Small World

I was watching the 2002 sci-fi flick Equilibrium this afternoon. At the end, I noted the following in the credits: Written and Directed by Kurt Wimmer. "Kurt Wimmer?" I think to myself, "I went to college with a guy named Kurt Wimmer. It's not the world's most common name. Could it be the same guy?" So I do a little Internet research and, lo and behold, it is the same guy. According to this biography, Kurt Wimmer graduated from University of South Florida in fall of 1987. Well, technically I believe he graduated from USF's New College division, although it's possible he transferred up to the main college after I left New College in January 1985. But there could not have been two Kurt Wimmers at USF during that time period. Besides, aside from the longer hair, the picture of Kurt Wimmer looks a lot like the guy I went to college with. What a small damn world.

Five Movies

Michele is listing five movies she not only owns, but watches regularly, which she shouldn't admit to, but she's braver than us so she will. Whew. Anyway, rather than clog up her comments (now at 83 and counting) with my list of five, I'll clog up my blog with it.

1. Bring It On. I know, it's a cheesy cheerleader film, but it's cute, dammit!
   
2. Stargate. James Spader. And, as if that's not enough, the guy who plays Ra is really hot!
   
3. Bubba Ho-tep. Elvis and a black guy who thinks he's JFK fight a mummy in southeast Texas.
   
4. The Rocky Horror Picture Show. No one looks hotter in fishnets and a teddy than Tim Curry. At least not from my perspective.
   
5. The Sound of Music. Yeah, well, I wouldn't have considered this a guilty pleasure, but with all the goings on about Mary Poppins fighting the Nazis and mentions of the "Julie Andrews treatment" over at The Rant, I guess I have to.

Hot or Not?

I must disagree with Xeles, who posts a webpage of pictures of the character Paul from Kingdom Hospital. Maybe I'm just showing my age, but Kett Turton (the actor, a mere 22 years of age, who played Paul), while cute, just doesn't do a lot for me. Especially not when stacked up to Andrew McCarthy.

Judge for yourselves.

Andrew McCarthy as Dr. Hook

Kett Turton as Paul.

Dr. Doogie Howser

He's a teen physician Broadway star.

Just got back from seeing "Assassins", the Stephen Sondheim musical that will be closing its latest Broadway run next week. It was quite enjoyable, and who knew that Neil Patrick Harris (aka Doogie Howser) could sing? And sing well.

Speaking of which, I feel the teensiest bit guilty about the fact that Neil Patrick Harris will always be known as Doogie Howser to me. He's actually talented, can act theatre as well as film and television, and can sing! I never feel bad about Mark Wahlberg remaining Marky Mark to me for time immemorial, because, well, he's annoying. But alas, poor Doogie. Nice. Talented. Typecast.

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man

I've now seen Spider-Man 2 and, in a phrase, it rocks. I loved the first movie, but I would go so far as to say that this one is even better. Roger Ebert has called it the best superhero movie ever made. It is an assessment I agree with, but I believe it transcends being classified as just a "superhero movie." It is a very human movie, most of its focus being on the humanity of its characters, not their superhuman aspects. Before I proceed, I warn you, here thar be spoilers.

I found the theme of this movie to be the struggle to find, accept, and embrace your better self. This comes through most clearly in the character of Peter Parker, but it is also echoed in the villain, Doctor Octopus aka Doc Ock. Even the character of Peter's best friend, Harry Osborn, goes through a similar struggle, although seemingly to a different end.

As we recall from the first film, or even just remembering how things went down in the comic book or cartoon show, the guilt of not stopping the thief who eventually caused his Uncle Ben's death drives Peter Parker to become the reluctant superhero, Spider-Man. But am I the only one who always felt that was a very quick transition from man to "superman"? There wasn't a lot of thought or soul-searching behind it. In a comic book or cartoon show, you don't expect a lot of that. The chosen medium doesn't lend itself towards it. In a movie, you do expect more character development.

Spider-Man 2 pays off on that expectation in a big way. Yes it does so at the expense of the wise-cracking Spidey we all love, but it's a sacrifice I can live with for its ends. As the film opens, Peter Parker's life is suffering from being Spider-Man. He gets fired from his part-time job, leading him to be unable to pay his rent. He's missing classes at Columbia and not handing in his homework on time, with a net result of slipping grades. He ruins his friendship with the secret love of his life, Mary Jane "MJ" Watson, by disappointing her one times too many by not making it in time to see her play. His best friend, Harry, is angry at him for continuing to take pictures of Spider-Man, the man who killed Harry's father. We all know that Spidey killed Norman Osborn aka the Green Goblin in self-defense, but Harry does not know of his father's evil alter ego. Even Peter's beloved Aunt May thinks Peter shouldn't be spending time with Spider-Man. Not to mention the continuing negative publicity The Daily Bugle heaps on Spidey.

Eventually this would take its toll on even an emotionally tough person, and, lest we forget, Peter Parker is only 20-years-old and something of a sensitive plant. The symptoms first manifest physically. Peter starts to lose his spider-enhanced abilities. His web-slinging becomes erratic. He starts slipping down the sides of walls. Even his eyesight begins to revert back to its pre-spider bite nearsightedness. A doctor, unable to find anything wrong with Peter physically, tells him his symptoms are probably psychomatic. After Peter confides in the doctor what's been happening, in the guise of presenting it as a dream, the doctor interprets his dream to mean that maybe Peter isn't meant perceive himself in the role of superhero. Peter has a choice.

So Peter chooses not to be Spider-Man any longer. Instead he will pursue his human desires. He gives up Spider-Man for school and for MJ. The "Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head" montage after he makes this decision is sheer movie brilliance. However, as Peter is forced to let more and more people come to harm by not being Spider-Man, he begins to realize he cannot accept that, even if it means giving up the thing he thinks he wants most - a relationship with MJ. Ultimately it is the threat of Doc Ock harming MJ that brings him back to his better self, causing him to regain his superpowers.

Doc Ock echoes this struggle, in a shallower way. Dr. Otto Octavius is a kind, gentle scientist who believes that intelligence must be used for the good of humanity. He plans to use his by harnessing the power of fusion to create cheap, renewable electricity. To work within the fusion reaction, he creates a set of four mechanical arms that are resistant to heat and magnetism. He controls them through the use of nano-wires which connect the arms, through his spine, into his brain. Unfortunately, the fusion reaction goes out of control and the inhibitor chip he developed to protect his higher brain function is destroyed. The advanced artificial intelligence of the arms begins to control him instead, turning him into the villainous Doc Ock. At the very end, Dr. Octavius is able to re-exert mental control over the arms, thus saving New York City from destruction.

Harry Osborn is not so fortunate. His bitterness and anger against Spider-Man drive him, poisoning his friendships and life. He tells Doc Ock to bring Spider-Man to him, planning to kill his arch-enemy. Once Spider-Man is laying on the very chaise longue that Harry discovered his dead father on, Harry unmasks Spidey only to discover his best friend. Peter convinces Harry to let him go so he can save MJ from Doc Ock. Unable to reconcile the emotional turmoil caused by his best friend being the man he hates most, Harry suffers a psychotic break. He starts to hear voices. A vision of his father appears to him, telling Harry to avenge his death. Harry refuses, breaking the mirror in which he sees his father's image. Behind the broken mirror, though, Harry discovers his father's evil secret. He finds the Green Goblin mask, the glider, and the explosive balls used as weapons. Although it does not occur at the end of this movie, we know that Harry will don the Green Goblin costume and go after Spider-Man. The only thing we do not know is if he has truly become a split personality, with Harry Osborn ostensibly forgiving his best friend, while his second personality carries out Harry's deepest, suppressed revenge fantasies, fantasies that will only be fueled when he learns that MJ, the woman both Peter and Harry love, has decided to face the risk and be with Peter.

All in all, Spider-Man 2 is chock full of emotional tension peppered liberally with humor. Tobey Maguire plays the conflicted Peter Parker eminently believably, tugging at your heartstrings. Alfred Molina hits all the right notes, both as the kind Dr. Octavius and the evil Doc Ock. James Franco is a bit one-note as the bitter and obsessed Harry Osborn, but his performance upon discovering that Spidey is his best friend in disguise makes up for a lot. Ultimately, all I can say is go see Spider-Man 2.

Song of Susannah

I finished Stephen King's 6th Dark Tower novel, "Song of Susannah", a couple of weeks ago. I enjoyed it, but...

Stephen King needs an editor.

Every time I read his more recent works, I get this feeling that now that he's the world's best-selling novelist, publishing companies are afraid to really edit his works. [I get the same feeling about J.K. Rowling too.] King is a great storyteller, but his stories could do with tightening up.

Having said that, I'm enjoying the theme that King is working right now. I'll say no more in the main entry. Read the extended entry if you don't mind spoilers.

King seems to be obsessed with writing. I believe he writes not just because he wants to, but because he has to. "The Dark Half" dealt with how an author's alter ego can come to life, with Thad Beaumont's alter ego, George Stark, literally coming to life. However, this is metaphorical for something I believe King really felt about his own alter ego, Richard Bachman. Richard Bachman had a life of his own within King's head.

In "Song of Susannah", King plays with the idea that writers create worlds through their works of authorship. Once the world has been created, it takes on a life of its own. This echoes something King himself has said about his characters - he means for them to do one thing, but they keep wanting to do something else. In his foreword to "'Salem's Lot", King writes about how he had initially intended to write a different kind of vampire novel - one where the vampires win. But by the end of it, he found that his human characters wanted to be heroic, so be heroic he let them. Heroic in a Stephen King sense, that is. Nobody lives happily ever after in a Stephen King novel. Evil may be thwarted, at least for the time being (and in some cases it is not thwarted at all), but those who helped defeat it then suffer as a result of the experience. That, if nothing else about his novels, is true to life. People do not emerge emotionally unscathed from harrowing experiences.

So King himself becomes a character in his own novel. His "creations" come visit him in Maine, telling him he must finish the story. He must once more pick up the tale of the Dark Tower, left unfinished in some boxes, and complete it. A metaphor, I think, for how his characters haunt him in his mind, clamoring to have their stories told. Roland and his ka-tet seem to haunt King more than any of his other characters. The Dark Tower mythos seeps its way into other of his works, affecting nearly everything he writes.

And so in writing a novel about the Dark Tower, King also manages to write a novel about the writer's creative process. Told, like any other Stephen King story, through allegory.

Fun, Fun, Fun in the Sun, Sun, Sun

As I can think of nothing I wish to blog about at the moment (tomorrow, perhaps, I shall blog about "Harry Potter" and "Song of Susannah"), I shall leave you all with the lyrics to the "Red Dwarf" theme song:

It's cold outside, there's no kind of atmosphere.
I'm all alone, more or less.
Let me fly, far away from here.
Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun.

I want to lie shipwrecked and comatose,
Drinking fresh mango juice,
Goldfish shoals nibbling at my toes.
Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun
Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun.

From Film to Show to Film Again

A further conversation with my brother on the subject of The Producers brought to mind another film that was later made into a show that was later made into a film: The Little Shop of Horrors.

The original film was directed by none other than the king of the B-movie horror classics, Roger Corman, so already there is a reason to watch it. It is a rather darkly humorous tale about a lonely young clerk in a flower store, Seymour Krelboin, who develops a talking, blood-craving plant ("Feed me, Seymour!"). But the movie is worth watching just for the one scene in which a very young Jack Nicholson makes a cameo appearance as a masochistic dental patient who loves getting his teeth pulled without any novocaine.

Some years later, someone, I have no idea who, decided to turn this cult classic film into an off-Broadway musical. The teenage girls who acted as a sort of Greek chorus in the original film then added acting like a regular chorus to their repertoire as well. I had the pleasure of seeing it off-Broadway in the early 1980s and thoroughly enjoyed it. The stage version of it managed to maintain the dark humor of the original film while adding more energy. It was a fantastic combination.

So fantastic that Frank Oz (yes, of Muppet fame) decided to turn the musical version into a film. I don't know. I know a lot of people love this film, but I don't. It has a great cast - Rick Moranis as the hapless Seymour Krelboin, Steve Martin as the sadistic dentist, Bill Murray as his masochistic patient, and Ellen Greene, who made the part famous off-Broadway, as Audrey. But it lost a lot of the phenomenal energy it had on stage in the translation to the screen. Maybe if I hadn't seen it on stage, I would appreciate it more. Maybe if I hadn't seen Jack Nicholson as the masochistic patient, I would like Bill Murray's portrayal. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But I did see it on stage. I did see Jack Nicholson's performance. But don't just take my word for it. A lot of people really do like the film, so if you haven't seen it, judge for yourself.

Even better, Little Shop of Horrors is now back on Broadway (well, really for the first time, because it was technically off-Broadway originally). If you don't choke at spending the money and are anywhere near New York City, get tickets. I will be.

Sounds Like The Plot of a Mel Brooks Movie

A movie: The Producers, starring Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick

Based on a Broadway show: The Producers, originally starring Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick

Based on a movie: The Producers, starring Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder

Based on an idea for a Broadway show: Mel Brooks originally wrote the script for Broadway, but a producer told him it was too long for Broadway; it should be a movie.

Mel Brooks' 1968 movie about a Broadway producer who wants to produce a sure-fire flop, so he goes out in search of the worst script ever written, has gone beyond cult status over the years. So much beyond it, that it became a Broadway musical. And now the Broadway musical is set to become a film.

There are differences between the original movie and the Broadway version of it. For starters, the original movie isn't a musical. It has a couple of songs in it when they're performing the musical "Springtime for Hitler", but it mostly isn't a musical.

The original movie also has a different take on how the part of Hitler gets cast, featuring a hilarious performance by Dick Shawn. Worth renting the movie just to see Lorenzo St. DuBois ("But my friends all call me LSD") do his hippie Hitler. My favorite scene in the entire movie is after the big opening number when LSD is on stage as Hitler and the woman playing Eva Braun is playing the old "You love me. You love me not." game with a daisy. You must hear her German being spoken in an egregious New York accent.

Eva (with the daisy): Du liebst mir. Du liebst mir nicht. Du liebst mir. Du liebst mir nicht.

Eva (accusingly at Hitler): Du liebst mir nicht!

Hitler: I lieb you, baby, I lieb you. Now leave me alone.

However the Broadway musical version has its charms as well. Nathan Lane was hysterical in the role made famous by Zero Mostel. He brings a sense of camp to it beyond that of Mostel, which really works for the role. His throwaway line (written, I am sure, just for him) -- "When I was young and gay. But straight!" -- steals the opening number. And although nothing can top Dick Shawn's performance as a hippie Hitler, the tale of how flamboyantly gay director Roger De Bris has to take over the role at the last minute is also quite funny.

How will the movie based on the Broadway musical be? They have much of the same cast - Lane and Broderick, as well as the actors who originated the Broadway roles of Roger De Bris and his "assistant" Carmen Ghia. I am sure Nicole Kidman will do well as Ulla. My only reservation is Will Ferrell as the former Nazi guard and writer of the script, Frank Liebkind. Kenneth Mars was just so brilliant in the original movie, and Will Ferrell has always struck me as rather more dopey than truly funny.

I will definitely be seeing this movie once it opens, and I have little doubt that a DVD of it will have a proud place in my collection right next to my DVD of the original.

Hat tip to my brother, Jon.

Theme Song

A friend who runs a politics forum posed an interesting question to the members a couple of weeks back - If you had to choose one song that would play over the closing credits of a movie made about your life, what would that song be? I couldn't think of one for the longest time, but today it just came to me.

Kiss Off by the Violent Femmes

Kiss off? What could be better for a native New Yorker? But I really chose this song solely for the line that goes "I hope you know that this will go down on your permanent record. Oh yeah? Well, don't get so distressed. Did I happen to mention that I'm impressed?" I love that!

The Day After the Day After the Day After Tomorrow

The Day After Tomorrow put me in mind of the Irwin Allen disaster spectaculars of the 1970s. Except, unlike those movies of the 1970s, this one had a heavy political message.

Shrek 2, much like Shrek, has a message also. But Shrek 2 manages to deliver its message in a very entertaining, light-hearted, non-serious way. (Yes, I thought it rocked.)

It isn't that I object to serious heavy movies. I just prefer they be done well. Disaster movies, which are, after all, primarily about the special effects, are not fodder for heavy messages. If you want to deliver a serious message, then make the movie about the characters. This movie was not about the characters. The characters were too stupid and one-note, with the exception of the character played by Ian Holm. Ian Holm is such a good actor he can make even a one-note character seem multi-dimensional. Dennis Quaid is not.

Here thar be spoilers. Enter at your own risk.

I mean, really. The supposedly very smart girl who paid enough attention in health class to learn that you can die if your blood rushes back to your heart too quickly didn't pay enough attention to learn that an untreated gash on your leg can get infected and turn septic? I never paid that much attention in health class, and I knew that. I'd be willing to bet good money that the main building of the New York Public Library has got at least a first aid kit.

Then there's the big freaking ship parked right outside the library, but not one person thinks - Hey, we can go over there and get food from the galley! No, that only occurs to someone once they're practically starving and only went to the ship to get medicine for the girl with the septic cut. Speaking of which I'm fascinated how a huge ship like that one could have made it up Fifth Avenue all the way to 40th Street. There wasn't enough water to make that journey feasible. And if there were, then the Public Library would have been many, many, many feet under water. So they'd have all drowned. But this is one of the annoying things about being very familiar with the primary locale of a movie - you know these things.

If you can ignore the heavy political message and annoying lack of character development in light of that message, you might enjoy the film. It's got great special effects. And if you're going to see it, you should see it on a big screen. If you think you can't ignore that stuff, go see Shrek 2 instead.

The Day After Tomorrow

I'm off to do something I really thought I'd never do - see The Day After Tomorrow. In a theatre for $10.25 and everything. It looks rather silly. It's not like I haven't seen footage of downtown Manhattan being flooded by a tidal wave in other movies (can you say Deep Impact). So why am I doing this insane and reckless thing? Because a friend of mine wants to see it, we've already seen Troy, and I already have plans to see Shrek 2. I cannot wait for some of the other summer movies to open.

The Boy From Oz

Went to see The Boy From Oz tonight. It was fantastic. Isabel Keating was amazing as Judy Garland. She had the mannerisms and inflections down pat. Not to mention a fabulous voice.

Stephanie Block was good as Liza Minnelli. Sometimes she had the vocal inflections down, sometimes not as much, but overall good.

But the absolute star of the show was Hugh Jackman as Peter Allen. He was charismatic, funny, charming, energetic, and, well, he's Hugh Jackman. He hasn't got the best voice in the world, but he can carry a tune and project, and he does just fine. And who knew he could high kick? I guess the long legs help. You don't realize just how long his legs are until you see him on stage. Okay, not Tommy Tune long, but Tommy Tune is 6'5". Jackman's a couple of inches shorter.

I highly recommend seeing this. While Jackman's still in it.

Next on my Broadway agenda is Wicked. Loved the book. Maybe to be followed by Little Shop of Horrors. Saw that Off-Broadway in the 80s and loved it. Forget the movie (not the original Roger Corman, but the musical version). Much better on stage.

Troy and the Big Fish

Today was entertainment day for me. First I went to see "Troy". Putting aside my annoyance at how they changed the story, I basically thought it was a good action film. Brad Pitt was woefully miscast, as I feared he'd be. Sure, Achilles was a rather moody dumb guy, but Pitt was also flat. Eric Bana was very good as Hector, and Sean Bean was wonderful as Odysseus. Since they were changing the story anyway, I think they should have changed it to give Odysseus even more to do. Maybe they'll decide to do an adaptation of "The Odyssey" next. Plenty of Sean Bean for that! And could Orlando Bloom have been more perfectly cast as the beautiful Paris? I think not.

Then I watched the DVD of "Big Fish". I was somewhat apprehensive about watching it, as I'd heard rather mixed reviews. Overall, I enjoyed it. A rather charming tall tale with a very good cast.

Van Helsing

...kicked ass. It was everything "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" should have been, but wasn't. There were a couple of fight scenes that were too long, but other than that, I really liked it. I know it got bad reviews, but what can I say?

King of the Bizarre

I know I said here that Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital is macabrely humorous. And it is. But I had the opportunity to watch the second Lars Von Trier Danish miniseries upon which it was based - Riget II (apparently kingdom translates into riget in Danish). You want macabrely humorous? You want bizarre? Stephen King ain't got nothing on Von Trier, so see if you can find the Von Trier miniseries to watch. I only wish I could see the first miniseries, Riget, too.

King For a Day

Okay, I'm updating.

So I was thinking yesterday how true it is that Stephen King's horror novels simply do not adapt well to movies and/or television. I thought that Kubrick's version of "The Shining" didn't shine at all. There were a few scary scenes, but by and large, it just was funny, thanks to Nicholson's over-the-top performance. I know that King himself didn't love it either.

Yesterday the Sci Fi channel was having an all-day Stephen King marathon (in which "all-day" is defined as from 9 am to 11 pm, but whatever). As part of that, they played the Stephen King-blessed miniseries version of "The Shining" which came out a couple of years ago. How, you ask, did I enjoy it? Well, maybe you didn't ask, but I"m going to tell you anyway. It was okay.

Yes, just okay. It was certainly much more true to the novel than the movie version, in which Kubrick took gross liberties with the material. But for all that, it wasn't really scary or creepy. King is very good at creating a mood with his words. When you read about the topiary monsters creeping up on Jack or Danny, it's scary. Goosebumps on your neck scary. When it gets translated to the screen? Kind of goofy. Ooh look, there are these animals made of hedges moving in what is supposed to be a menacing way. But they don't look menacing at all. It just looks like somebody moved the topiary from here to there. Where's the sense of Jack or Danny's fear? In the novel written as their thoughts, that's where. The same thing holds for the scenes with Grady, Derwent, and the partygoers. The Room 217 scene was slightly scary, but not as scary as the book.

The funny thing about this is that when King writes specifically for the screen, he can evoke the scary mood. "Rose Red" was one scary miniseries. But it was never a book first. King was forced to scare you with visual effects and dialogue, not exposition. "Kingdom Hospital" isn't exactly scary, but it is macabrely humorous. Yet again, the mood is evoked through visuals and dialogue, not through exposition. But as a novelist he relies heavily on exposition to create the creep, and it doesn't translate well at all. I suppose it's no coincidence that it's his non-horror novels that adapt well for the screen. It's a lot easier to take regular exposition to the screen. But horror exposition? Not so much.

iPods Don't Kill People

People kill people.

I'm thinking of starting the National iPod Association, to lobby against the inevitable iPod control legislation that will pass. Okay, I suppose we could live with background checks at iPod shows, but only if they are completed quickly. No waiting periods.

Maybe we could get Marky Mark* to be president of the NIA. You know. Charlton "NRA" Heston was in Planet of the Apes. Marky Mark was in the remake of Planet of the Apes. Marky Mark isn't 107. I think it could work.

Who wants to join?

*He will always be Marky Mark to me, no matter how many movies he makes.

Rock You Like a Cop

You're Frylock! The brains of the operation, you like to use your smarts for fighting crime and solving problems. Often, you wonder why people are such idiots.


Aqua Teen Hunger Force - which character are you?
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Hamantaschen!

About a week or so ago, Just John suggested I post my favorite Purim recipes. Well, Purim ended at sundown today, so I thought I'd more or less oblige. I say more or less, because I don't actually have Purim recipes. I have Purim recipe - namely hamantaschen. I just finished baking a batch to bring into work tomorrow. However, my colleagues at work, most of them non-Jewish, don't refer to them as hamantaschen, a name they seem singularly incapable of either remembering or pronouncing. Instead they call them little hats. This is because hamantaschen are tri-cornered cookies, and the tri-corner shape is to represent the hat worn by the villain of the Purim story - Haman. Since "little hats" is a name they can both recall and pronounce, for some time we have been celebrating Little Hat Day at my office.

For those of you who would like to celebrate Little Hat Day yourselves, following is my Little Hats recipe:

4 cups flour
4 eggs
3/4 cup sugar
1 cup margarine, softened
1 tbsp. orange juice
2 tsps. baking powder
1 tsp. vanilla extract
Pinch of salt
1 tsp. orange rind

Fillings
Traditional fillings are apricot preserves, lekvar (prune butter), and mohn (poppyseed filling). However, as I, personally, do not like hamantaschen filled with lekvar or mohn, I make other fillings instead. Every year I make apricot and raspberry, and then I alternate the others. This year I'm doing blueberry and cherry. In past years, I've successfully tried strawberry and plum as well. Try whatever flavors you like. My only warning is that orange marmalade makes particularly poor hamantaschen. The sweet orange marmalade has a taste that is so delicate it is overcome by the taste of the cookie dough. I never tried the bitter kind, but I wouldn't want a cookie filled with bitter orange marmalade anyway.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Grease cookie sheets.

Place all ingredients in a large mixer bowl and beat together. If needed, add a drop more juice or flour, depending on the consistency of the dough. Roll dough into a ball. Divide into four parts.

On a floured board, roll out each portion to about 1/8 inch thick. Using a round biscuit or cookie cutter, cut 3 inch circles. Place 1/2 teaspoon of filling in the middle of each circle. To make the triangle shape, lift up the right and left sides, leaving the bottom down, and bring both sides to meet at the center above the filling. Bring top flap down to the center to meet the two sides. Pinch edges together. Place on greased cookie sheets 1 inch apart (I actually put the filling in and do the pinching on the cookie sheet) and bake in a 350 degree preheated oven for 20 minutes.

Let cool, and you've got yourself some Little Hats.

Enjoy!

Kingdom Hospital

I watched the two-hour premiere of Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital. I did like it and plan on watching future episodes. However, some thoughts sparked by the premiere:

1. I really need to find a copy of the Danish series it was based upon, Lars von Trier's The Kingdom.

2. What's up with the psychic anteater? Why an anteater?

3. I'd rather see Andrew McCarthy than fellow former Brat-Packer Rob Lowe any day.

4. Great music.

5. I wonder if the thoughts that Peter Rickman was having after getting hit by the van were similar to the ones Stephen King had when he was hit by the van.

6. Nozz-a-la Cola. Excellent nod to King freaks aficionados like myself.

Which Silver Screen Siren Am I?

Which Silver Screen Siren are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I am very pleased with the result.

Life Imitates Todd Rundgren Song

Bang The Drum All Day

I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day
I don't want to play
I just want to bang on the drum all day

Listen to this
Every day when I get home from work
I feel so frustrated
The boss is a jerk
And I get my sticks and go out to the shed
And I pound on that drum like it was the boss's head
Because

I can bang that drum
Hey, you wanna take a bang at it?
I can do this all day

Via hnumpah at 3DHS

99 Cent Store

iTunes Music Store and Pepsi are killing me. I drink Diet Pepsi, and I've won a few free songs. Now, Apple's not stupid. They know that when you go download a free song, you're going to probably wind up buying more than one afterwards. And so I have. In fact, I've been buying some of the music of my adolescence. Cheap Trick. Yes, I bought three songs by Cheap Trick. And Nick Lowe.

And bubble gum music. I've been buying bubble gum music. I bought "Sugar, Sugar" by the Archies. I bought two songs by Herman's Hermits.

That's the seductive thing about the iTunes Music Store. I don't like Cheap Trick enough to go out and actually buy a CD for $12. But $2.97 for 3 songs? Sure, what the hell.

Please, just stop me before I buy "My Sharona".

80s Quiz

Michele posts this very long and difficult 80s quiz:

UPDATE: If you want to see the quiz in its original, pristine, unanswered form, click on the link to Michele's blog. Below thar be some answers.

1) Who were Turbo and Ozone?
2) What bar did the gang from Three's Company always go to? - The Regal Beagle
3) What was the last name of the man who adopted Webster?
4) Where were Willis and Arnold in Different Strokes from originally? - Harlem
5) Name the two players chosen in the NBA draft before Michael Jordan.
6) Who were Ricky's three best friends in Silver Spoons?
7) What was Punky Brewster's dog's name?
8) Who did President Reagan beat when re-elected in 1984? - Walter "Fritz" Mondale
9) Who headed the PMRC and had many legal battles with Dee Snider of Twisted Sister? - Tipper Gore
10) Who sang "Too Shy"? - Kajagoogoo
11) What was the largest selling album of the 80s?
12) Name three Weird Al Yankovic songs. - "Another One Rides the Bus", "Like a Sturgeon", "I Lost on Jeopardy".
13) What year did Poison release their first album?
14) Whos legs did the ball go through on the Red Sox in game 6 of the 1986 World series? - Bill Buckner!!!!!
15) What were the names of the 4 Ghostbusters (character names). - Peter Venkman, Ray Stentz, Igon Spengler, and the guy played by Ernie Hudson
16) Name 3 members of the Kobra Kai.
17) School aged girls wore hundreds of these on their arms.
18) What happened to the "Ark" at the end of Indiana Jones?
19) Who was Ubu? - Pere Ubu, the band?
20) Nigel Tufnel and David St Hubbins were in this group. - Spinal Tap
21) The Pop group "Wham" consisted of George Michael and... - I don't know. I hate Wham!
22) What was the original title of Return of the Jedi?
23) Who was Latka's other personality in the show "TAXI?" - Vic Ferrari
24) Name all 5 members of the New Kids on the Block.
25) In the 80s, Steven Spielberg produced this Scifi/Action/Adventure/Mystery sitcom
26) Who played "The Incredible Hulk?" - Lou Ferrigno played the Hulk. Bill Bixby played Bruce David Banner.
27) What was the bears name in Grizzly Adams?
28) Who were the Duke Boys' Cousins? - Daisy
29) Name the Concert in which music artists raised millions of dollars for famine relief in Ethiopia.
30) According to Prince, what was the name of "that shrink in Beverly Hills?"
31) What was the name of the burnout in Fast Times at Ridgemont High? - Jeff Spiccoli, dude!
32) Who did Woody replace on Cheers? - Coach
33) Who played "The Greatest American Hero?" - William Katt
34) What was the name of the McDonalds sandwich that kept "the hot hot and the cold cold?"
35) What was the first video ever aired on MTV and who sang it? - "Video Killed the Radio Star", the Buggles
36) Who sang the song "I know what boys like?" - The Waitresses
37) How many times did the Celtics face the Lakers in the NBA finals? Who won?
38) The "Brat Pack" consisted of: - Judd Nelson, Andrew McCarthy, Anthony Michael Hall, Emilio Estevez, Molly Ringwald, Ally Sheedy.
39) Name 3 "Brat Pack" movies. - "The Breakfast Club", "St. Elmo's Fire", "Pretty in Pink".
40) What was the name of the computer in the movie "War Games?" What game did it want to play?
41) What was the plumbers name in the show "One Day at a Time?" - Schneider
42) Who was Khan? - Ricardo Montalban.
43) How many sequels were there to "Jaws?" - 3?
44) Who was the leader of the Thundercats?
45) What cartoon did Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids watch all the time?
46) What was Balkie's catch phrase from the show "Perfect Strangers?" - "Don't be reediculous!"
47) Who were the two detectives that helped Axel Foley in Beverly Hills Cop?
48) These sneakers had little "pouches" on the side.
49) What was the toy "for a girl or a boy?" - Slinky
50) These dolls were the most popular toy of the 80s. People
fought over them in stores and they had a signature on their butts. - Cabbage Patch Kids
51) AIDS was originally called.
52) Who teamed up with Hulk Hogan to fight Rowdy Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff in Wrestlemania?
53) What kind of car fell into the water in Risky Business and what color was it? - Porsche, red(?)
54) What did the old woman in the Wendys commercial say throughout the 80s? - "Where's the beef?"
55) Sing the chorus to the theme song of Growing Pains.
56) Name the family members from Family Ties. - Alex, Jennifer, Mallory, Elise, and Steven. Oh yeah, later that little kid was born. Andrew?
57) What was Scooby Doo's favorite food? - Scooby snacks.
58) What kind of pants were good for Break-dancing.
59) What were the rules for keeping a Gremlin? - Don't get it wet, don't expose it to light, and don't feed it after midnight.
60) What show featured "Rerun" and "Roger?" - Hey, hey, hey! "What's Happenin'"!
61) What food was "Crispy Chewy?"
62) What year did David Lee Roth get booted from Van Halen?
63) What was V66?
64) In the show "He-man", what was the name of Skeletors castle? - Snake Mountain
65) Name one song by Samantha Fox.
66) What replaced the shoelace for a while in the 80s?
67) Who won more regular season MVP awards: Larry Bird or Magic Johnson? Who won more titles?
68) What was ET's favorite candy? - Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
69) Did Richie Cunningham have a brother? - Yes, Chuck, but he disappeared after season one or two.
70) Eddie Murphy had two comedy specials. Name them.
71) If Richard Prior spent 30 million dollars in a month with nothing to show for it, how much would he receive and in what movie was this? - "Brewster's Millions"
72) What song did Tom Hanks play on the Foot Piano in the movie "Big?"
73) Who was the bounty hunter that brought Han Solo to Jabba the Hutt? - Boba Fett
74) What was Pepsi with no caffeine called?
75) Name the 4 ghosts in Pac-Man.
76) Name all the sweathogs. - Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington, Vinnie Barbarino, Juan Epstein, and Arnold Horshack.
77) What are three rumours you have heard about Ozzy Osbourne. - He bit the head off a bat, but that's the only one I can think of.
78) What was the character name of the little boy in Mr. Belvedere? - Wesley
79) What happened when you reached 1,000,000 points in Asteroids?
80) What was the last name of the family in National Lampoon's Vacation?
81) Name both of Jack Tripper's landlords and his best friend from downstairs? - Mr. Roper, Mr. Furley, and Larry.
82) What is the name of the drummer for Bon Jovi?
83) What was Bill Cosby's name on the Cosby Show? - Cliff Huxtable
84) Who was the unknown stuntman that made Eastwood such a star?
85) Who sang the song "Toy Soldiers?"
86) What Television station did Rosie O'donnell work for?
87) Finish the following line: "Well the world don't move to the beat of just one drum"
88) What was the last name of the villians in the movie "The Goonies?"
89) Name 2 of the members from Boston that played on Third Stage.
90) Name three people from the Legion of Doom aside from Lex Luthor.
91) Which band never opened for Van Halen: A) Journey B) Dokken C) Ozzy Osbourne
92) What was the only year in the 1980s that the New England Patriots played in the Superbowl?
93) What was the name of Men At Work's first album?
94) What was the name of the son on Sanford and Son? - Lamont
95) What year did Kiss take off their make up?
96) What was the name of the guardian on "The Facts of Life?" - Mrs. Garrett.
97) Who took Pee Wee Herman's bike? - Francis!
98) Name both wrestlers of the tag team "The Killer Bees."
99) What movie was both Mr T and Hulk Hogan in and what were their character names?
100) What line did Cyndi Lauper sing in We Are the World?
101) What planet was Alf from? - Melmac
102) What was Jim McMahon's line from the Superbowl Shuffle?
103) Name five Smurfs. - Brainy, Smurfette, Papa, ... Umm, umm, okay, I can't remember any others, but they have no dicks.
104) What criminal lost the election for Michael Dukakis? - Willie Horton
105) Who produced a stainless-steel sports car? - Delorean
106) What snack was always on Reagan's desk? - Jellybeans

H-E-N-R-Y

I'm Enery the Eighth, I am
Enery the Eighth, I am, I am
I got married to the widow next door
She's been married seven times before
And every one was an Enery
She wouldn't have a Willie or a Sam
I'm her eighth old man, I'm Enery
Enery the Eighth, I am

Randomize It

Ricky points me to this meme where you turn on your mp3 player, set it to random, and list the first 20 songs that play, regardless of how embarrassing. So, without further adieu:

1. California Uber Alles - Dead Kennedys
   
2. Down On the Corner - Creedence Clearwater Revival
   
3. St. Stephen - The Grateful Dead
   
4. Aquarius - The Cast of Hair
   
5. Harke All You Ladies - Hogman/Lindberg
   
6. Dancing With Tears In My Eyes - Ultravox
   
7. Call Me - Blondie
   
8. Imagine - Joan Baez
   
9. Lie Still, Little Bottle - They Might Be Giants
   
10. Popsicle - Talking Heads
    
11. Red Rain - Peter Gabriel
    
12. I'm Not Down - The Clash
    
13. A Zemer - Theodore Bikel
    
14. Swamp - Talking Heads
    
15. Mercury the Winged Messenger - composed by Gustav Holst, performed by the Toronto Symphony
    
16. Pinball Wizard - The Who
    
17. Waldstein Piano Sonata - Introduzione - Adagio Molto - composed by Beethoven, performed by Vladimir Horowitz
    
18. Tara - Roxy Music
    
19. Come As You Are - Nirvana
    
20. Chilling Of the Evening - Arlo Guthrie

There was nothing hideously embarrassing there. Harke All You Ladies, for those who don't know, which should be pretty much everybody, is a folk song from Elizabethan England.

Uru

Sadly Uru Live didn't get enough subscribers to make it work, so it went offline last Monday. Unfortunately I had not finished the game in the Prime (single player) version, only in Live, so when Live went offline, so did my game progress. I just finished the game again in Prime. Ubisoft is now promising expansion packs to the game, which will continue the story along the lines Live would have, just in single player mode. This is why I went to the trouble of finishing the game again. This time through I took a few more screenshots of the stunning graphics.

The Age of Kadish Tolesa:

D'ni Riltagamin at end game:

Passion Play

Ricky expressed interest, in the comments to the Mad Mel post, in my take on Mel Gibson's upcoming film, "The Passion". Never let it be said that I won't expand on my opinions when asked.

My take on the film is that it's exactly that - a film. Are there still idiots today who believe that every last Jew - past, present, and future - is responsible for the death of Jesus? Yes. However, they already believe that, and they're going to teach their children to believe that regardless. I don't think the film will convince anyone that every last one of us is responsible for the death of Jesus, any more than I believe a different film would persuade anyone that every last Jew wasn't responsible. I have no intention of seeing the film, and I probably wouldn't like it if I did, but it's his movie to make as he sees fit. Without seeing the film, I won't go any farther in terms of whether I think it will further justify, in their minds, the beliefs of the antisemites referenced above. I just have no basis on which to make such an assessment. I simply don't believe it will do any more (or less) damage than already has been done.

Having said that, I also have no problem with the press surrounding it. I might not agree with their take on it, but there's lots of stuff publicized with which I don't agree. I don't think they're being so unreasonable as to warrant condemnation. Much like it is Mel Gibson's right to make whatever film he chooses, it is also the right of anyone to criticize it in whatever manner he/she chooses. Criticizing it, expressing discomfort, and asking him to change it in no way curtail his rights. He has never given up the right to refuse. He has never been forced to comply or suffer legal consequences. Might he suffer social consequences? Sure, but there's no protection against that. Look, if I started going around my office publicizing a negative belief about a group of people, I'd be first warned to stop and, if I didn't, fired. If I were famous enough for anyone to pay attention to me, I'd be lambasted by certain members of the media. We all make choices. Those choices have social consequences. We all pay them, and we all subject others to them.

It is also the right of a movie studio to refuse to fund it, and the right of a movie chain to refuse to distribute it. Gibson's rights extend to his ability to film the movie and display it in public venues (with the proper permits, which he should not be refused) or consenting private ones, all without fear of government reprisal. He does not have the right to a distribution channel owned by someone else. Even if he is a big movie star. Being a big movie star does get you certain privileges in society that the rest of us don't get. But they are privileges, not rights. I feel no degree of sympathy over certain of his privileges being negatively impacted. He has received them to a degree not warranted, IMO, by his contribution to society. He's only an actor and a very good-looking man. He's not Mother Theresa.

As such, I believe that any of the whinging I've read about Gibson's freedom of expression being curtailed amounts to nothing but whinging. To be clear, I haven't read any whinging about it by Ricky. He just expressed interest in my overall opinions on the subject. However, I have read that kind of whinging elsewhere, and I'm taking this opportunity to express my opinions on that side of the issue as well.

Mad Mel

Mel Gibson is starting to sound like his father. At least when it comes to the Holocaust. Both Tbogg and Atrios are absolutely right when they say Gibson has some explaining to do. And Jay is flat-out wrong. Let's look at the question Peggy Noonan asked Mel Gibson, and then his answer.

'You're going to have to go on record. The Holocaust happened, right?" Peggy Noonan asks of Mel Gibson in the Reader's Digest for March.

Gibson: "I have friends and parents of friends who have numbers on their arms. The guy who taught me Spanish was a Holocaust survivor. He worked in a concentration camp in France. Yes, of course. Atrocities happened. War is horrible. The Second World War killed tens of millions of people. Some of them were Jews in concentration camps. Many people lost their lives. In the Ukraine, several million starved to death between 1932 and 1933. During the last century, 20 million people died in the Soviet Union."

First note that Gibson never actually answered the question Noonan posed. Let's compare Gibson's answers to the stock answers of Holocaust deniers.

1. There were concentration camps, but they were work camps, not death camps. Gibson talks about how there are camp survivors and how his Spanish teacher worked in a concentration camp in France. Any camp in France was, in fact, a work camp. The death camps were primarily in Poland.

2. Some Jews were killed, but not 6 million (or even 4 or 5 million), and not as part of a systematic plan to eliminate all Jews. Gibson talks about how tens of millions of people were killed in World War II, some of whom were Jews. Most of the tens of millions people who were killed during World War II did not die in concentration camps and were not singled out for extermination as part of a Final Solution. Even most of the non-Jews (not all) who were killed in concentration camps died as a result of poor conditions, not from being executed. So when referencing tens of millions killed in World War II, he sure as hell isn't talking about death camps, and he even includes the Jews who were systematically executed as part of the overall casualties, as if there were no real difference between war casualties and people being systematically executed as a Final Solution to rid the world of them. Which kind of makes you wonder if he even believes they were systematically executed. Also that word "some" is very vague, and reads a lot like an attempt to downplay the reality.

Gibson didn't ever come out and answer the question that Noonan asked. I think it was perfectly clear that she was asking if there were death camps in which Jews were executed as part of the Final Solution. He dances his way around the question, offering an answer that sounds good on the surface, but doesn't have any substance to it.

Mel Gibson has, sadly, now joined the very short list of celebrities whose works I will not watch. He makes number three (the other two being Woody Allen and Arnold Schwarzenegger). And he'll stay on that list unless he very explicitly clarifies that he does, in fact, believe there was a Holocaust and comes up with a reasonable number to replace that very vague word "some". It's a shame. I've always enjoyed his work (well, mostly; I thought "Signs" was pretty bad). But there are just some things I cannot overlook while watching a film, to the point that they ruin my ability to enjoy the film.

This Poll's in Jeopardy

Continuing with the musical theme of three days ago, today brings us another poll. This one about which song you like better - the original or the Weird Al parody. I don' t know about you, but there are definitely some Weird Al parodies that I like a lot better than the original song.

Today's original is Greg Kihn's "Our Love's in Jeopardy". So, which do you like better? Greg Kihn's "Our Love's in Jeopardy" or the Weird Al parody "I Lost on Jeopardy"?

I've Got a Crush

Michele posted an entry about Scott Baio, and how she had a crush on him as a teenager. While I never saw the big deal about Scott Baio (I neither loved Chachi nor wanted Charles in charge of anything), reading it made me think about my own teenage crushes.

Starting with the one that embarrasses me most to this day - Leif Garrett. Leif was all over the teen magazines when I was reading them (Tiger Beat anyone?). So the only thing that makes me feel better about that whole Leif Garrett thing was that I was not alone in it.

There was also the Shaun Cassidy phase, but as I got older I began to realize that his Hardy Boys costar, Parker Stevenson, was actually the cuter of the two. I'm not really bothered by the Shaun Cassidy crush, although considering I never understood all the screaming fans of his half-brother David, I wonder why I ever thought to swoon over Shaun.

Then I grew older, and stopped fawning over pop stars. That's right, I moved on to rock stars. I loved Joey Ramone. And Geddy Lee, Mick Jagger, and David Bowie. Look, I know that they weren't traditonally attractive (except for Bowie who was and is absolutely gorgeous), but I didn't care. They were sexy.

In my 20s and early 30s, I went through a comedians' phase. Harry Anderson. Colin Quinn (I used to watch MTV's Remote Control religiously). Richard Belzer. Ryan Stiles. They were tall, thin, and made me laugh (well, Colin only made me laugh).

Nowadays, I don't really have celebrity crushes. There are celebrities I find attractive, like David Selby, but gone are the swooning and fawning feelings of the crush. Still, I look back with fondness at crushes of days gone by. Except for Leif Garrett. I just look back at that with a "What the hell was I thinking?".

Hostile Work Environments

I wonder if you could get in trouble with HR for listening to Tom Lehrer songs at work?

I Wanna Go Back to Dixie
The Vatican Rag
National Brotherhood Week

Derek or Eric?

One of the things about me is that I tend to be rather off-beat in my entertainment tastes. Well, okay, I tend to be rather off-beat in general. But it occurs to me that I am something of a contrarian when it comes to generally accepted taste. Like that whole "Fun Boy Three vs. the Go-Gos" thing. But as I'm sitting here listening to Eric Clapton's Unplugged version of "Layla", I began to wonder. Which do people prefer? The original, faster Derek and the Dominoes version or the mellower, acoustic Clapton-by-himself Unplugged version? I vastly prefer the second. Contrarian or not?

TNT, I'm Dynamite

AC/DC, baby. I still love them. I cannot hear the opening riffs of one of their songs without starting to smile, and I simply cannot hear the lyrics without actually laughing. It's just funny stuff.

I actually once went to a Halloween party as AC/DC guitarist Angus Young. I had long hair and a perm at the time, so the long frizzy hair part was down. I wore black velvet Bermuda shorts, a t-shirt, a black blazer, and sneakers to complete the Angus look.

I can just picture myself at 80, cranking "Dirty Deeds" on the whatever the hell kind of music player we'll have then and rocking out. At least I hope I'll still do that.

Our Lips Aren't Sealed

Jim and I decided to hold an "Our Lips Are Sealed" bakeoff in which you would help decide, in some small microcosm of the world, which group did the better version of the song - the Go-Gos or Fun Boy Three. Jim will be taking the Go-Gos side, and I will be standing valiantly for Fun Boy Three.

Jim on why the Go-Gos' version is better: When I first heard a new all girl band--they were a novelty then--doing Our Lips Are Sealed on the radio, I knew a new era in pop was being heralded. With their first big single the GoGo’s gave us a timeless little gem by blending a perfect mixture of wave-like quick tempo and popular melody that would be cloned later by others. By comparison the Fun Boy Three version is uninspired and soporific.

Me on why the Fun Boy Three version is better: The annoyingly upbeat Go-Gos song is the cheerleaders who would have been "talking about us." The moody Fun Boy Three song is the weird high school students being talked about and pretending it doesn't matter. It's just so fitting.

Now click below to extend the entry and vote for the candidate of your choice, but vote! UPDATE: Duh! I just added links so you could actually hear the songs before voting.

Unseal their lips and listen to the music

Get Up Offa That Thing!

For Chanukah, my staff all chipped in and got me a $50 gift certificate to the iTunes music store. I was very happy with this gift. Today I finally used the remainder of it. Sometimes I find it hard to remember what songs I really want, so I saved it until I could figure that out. But today it came to me. Well, I couldn't actually find two of the songs I wanted - Lola (they have other songs by the Kinks, but not that one) and Secret Agent Man. However, I was able to buy James Brown's 20 Greatest Hits album (for $9.99) and the 20th Century Masters collection of Connie Francis (also just $9.99). I also bought two Dusty Springfield songs and "Sincerely" by the McGuire Sisters. Despite my punk rock tendencies, I must confess that I love James Brown and Connie Francis. And "Sincerely" has been one of my favorite songs since I saw the film Come Back to the Five & Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean. Incidentally, if you've never seen that film, I highly recommend it.

I also love ABBA. Be quiet. They're either a love 'em or hate 'em kind of band, and I love 'em. I have yet to meet a person who is indifferent to ABBA. Surely they must exist, but I haven't ever come in contact with one.

UPDATE: My mind goes strange places sometimes, and thinking of songs I love got me thinking how much better the Fun Boy Three version of Our Lips Are Sealed is than the Go-Gos' version. For those who don't know, the song was co-written by Jane Wiedlin of the Go-Gos and Terry Hall of Fun Boy Three. As part of the deal, both bands got to record versions. The Go-Gos was the popular one in this country, but IMO the Fun Boy Three (which did very well in the U.K.) is the superior one. It's a much more moody song, which I think fits it more than the annoyingly cheerful upbeat Go-Gos song.

Scraping the Bottom

Oh what the hell. Now for IMDB's bottom 100 movies.

1 'Manos' the Hands of Fate
2 From Justin to Kelly (2003)
3 Future War (1997)
4 Space Mutiny (1988)
5 Troll 2 (1990)
6 Eegah (1962)
7 Hobgoblins (1987)
8 Backyard Dogs (2000)
9 Gigli (2003)
10 Santa with Muscles (1996)
11 Going Overboard
12 Werewolf (1996)
13 Giant Spider Invasion, The
14 Glitter (2001)
15 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997)
16 Police Academy: Mission to Moscow
17 Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
18 Kazaam (1996)
19 Leonard Part 6 (1987)
20 Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (2000)
21 Hercules in New York (1970)
22 Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996)
23 It's Pat (1994)
24 Baby Geniuses (1999)
25 2001: A Space Travesty (2000)
26 Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
27 Cool as Ice (1991)
28 Bolero (1984)
29 Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The (I don't know. I thought Matthew McConaughey, Renee Zellwegger, could it be all that bad? It was. And worse.)
30 Mitchell (1975)
31 Smokey and the Bandit III (1983)
32 Teen Wolf Too (1987)
33 Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989)
34 House of the Dead (2003)
35 Vercingétorix (2001)
36 Captain America (1991)
37 Steel (1997)
38 Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach
39 Cat in the Hat, The (2003)
40 Mannequin: On the Move (1991)
41 Rollerball (2002) (I refuse categorically to ever watch this movie. The fact it was made is an offense against G_d and man. The original was really good.)
42 Tarzan, the Ape Man (1981)
43 Ringmaster (1998)
44 Master of Disguise, The (2002)
45 Problem Child 2 (1991)
46 Spice World (1997)
47 Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie
48 Cop & 1/2 (1993)
49 Mr. Nanny (1993)
50 Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
51 Street Fighter (1994)
52 Jaws 3-D (1983)
53 Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992) (I plead temporary insanity)
54 Double Dragon (1994)
55 Crossroads (2002)
56 Barb Wire (1996) (This movie was so bad it made my teeth itch)
57 Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn, An
58 Bats (1999/I)
59 FeardotCom (2002) (I discussed how horrid this was elsewhere. Don't.Ever.See.It.)
60 Universal Soldier: The Return (1999)
61 Mangler, The (1995)
62 RoboCop 3 (1993)
63 Superman IV: The Quest for Peace
64 Best Defense (1984)
65 Mac and Me (1988)
66 Iron Eagle II (1988)
67 Mr. Magoo (1997)
68 Grease 2 (1982)
69 Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997) (Why does Jason Patric have a career?)
70 Ticker (2001)
71 Glen or Glenda (1953)
72 Mr. Wrong (1996)
73 Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)
74 Highlander II: The Quickening (1991) (Even Sean Connery couldn't make this film good.)
75 Pokémon the First Movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back (1999)
76 Avengers, The (1998) (I just realized this is yet another film that even Sean Connery couldn't make good. I like Ralph Fiennes, but he's no John Steed. And Uma Thurman is absolutely not Mrs. Peel.)
77 Jury Duty (1995)
78 Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)
79 Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959) (I'm sorry, but this does not belong on the bottom 100. This film was so bad that it was good.)
80 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd
81 Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)
82 Derailed (2002)
83 Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
84 Caddyshack II (1988)
85 Weekend at Bernie's II (1993) (Sigh. What was I thinking?)
86 Omega Code, The (1999)
87 Super Mario Bros. (1993) (Yes, I did see this too. It had Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo.)
88 Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002) (I actually didn't hate this all that much.)
89 Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978) (Ahh! I'm having scary Peter Frampton flashbacks! Make them go away!)
90 Endless Love (1981)
91 Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
92 Nothing But Trouble (1991)
93 McHale's Navy (1997)
94 On Deadly Ground (1994)
95 Kangaroo Jack (2003)
96 Batman & Robin (1997) (Well, at least George Clooney wasn't as annoying as Val Kilmer, and he looks a lot better.)
97 Stupids, The (1996)
98 Pet Sematary II (1992)
99 Leprechaun (1993)
100 Bio-Dome (1996) (Wow. Yeah, this was a really dumb movie. At least Son-In-Law had something redeeming. A small something, but something.)

I haven't actually seen every Pauly Shore movie. Only three (Bio-Dome, Son-In-Law, and Encino Man, which I prefer to think of as a Brendan Fraser movie). I did laugh at the first two Police Academy movies. Not at the third, and I stopped there.

100 Movies

I managed to survive the week with most of my sanity intact. Well, whatever sanity I had to begin with is mostly intact. But I'm way too tired to think of anything original. So instead I'll play along with the cool kids and list those of the IMDB Top 100 Movies I've seen (bold) and/or own (underlined).

1. Godfather, The (1972) (Shut up. I was too young to see it in the theatre when it was first released, and haven't ever gotten around to seeing it.)
2. Shawshank Redemption, The (1994)
3. Godfather: Part II, The (1974) (See above comment to The Godfather)
4. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The (2003)
5. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002)
6. Casablanca (1942)
7. Schindler's List (1993)
8. Shichinin no samurai (1954) [Seven Samurai]
9. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The (2001)
10. Citizen Kane (1941)
11. Star Wars (1977)
12. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
13. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
14. Rear Window (1954)
15. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
16. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
17. Memento (2000)
18. Usual Suspects, The (1995)
19. Pulp Fiction (1994)
20. North by Northwest (1959)
21. Fabuleux destin d'Amelie Poulain, Le (2001) [Amelie]
22. Psycho (1960)
23. 12 Angry Men (1957)
24. Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
25. Silence of the Lambs, The (1991)
26. Buono, il brutto, il cattivo, Il (1966) [The Good, the Bad and the Ugly]
27. It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
28. Goodfellas (1990)
29. American Beauty (1999)
30. Vertigo (1958)
31. Sunset Blvd. (1950)
32. Pianist, The (2002)
33. Matrix, The (1999)
34. Apocalypse Now (1979)
35. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
36. Some Like It Hot (1959)
37. Taxi Driver (1976)
38. Paths of Glory (1957)
39. Third Man, The (1949)
40. C'era una volta il West (1968)[Once Upon a Time in the West]
41. Fight Club (1999)
42. Boot, Das (1981)
43. Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi (2001) (Spirited Away)
44. Double Indemnity (1944)
45. L.A. Confidential (1997)
46. Chinatown (1974)
47. Singin' in the Rain (1952)
48. Requiem for a Dream (2000)
49. Maltese Falcon, The (1941)
50. M (1931)
51. All About Eve (1950)
52. Bridge on the River Kwai, The (1957)
53. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
54. Se7en (1995)
55. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
56. Cidade de Deus (2002) [City of God]
57. Raging Bull (1980)
58. Wizard of Oz, The (1939)
59. Rashomon (1950)
60. Sting, The (1973)
61. American History X (1998)
62. Alien (1979)
63. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
64. Leon (The Professional) (1994)
65. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
66. Vita bella, La (1997) (Life Is Beautiful)
67. Touch of Evil (1958)
68. Manchurian Candidate, The (1962) (I know, I know, I keep meaning to watch it)
69. Wo hu cang long (2000) (Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon)
70. Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The (1948)
71. Great Escape, The (1963)
72. Clockwork Orange, A (1971)
73. Reservoir Dogs (1992)
74. Annie Hall (1977)
75. Amadeus (1984)
76. Jaws (1975)
77. Ran (1985)
78. On the Waterfront (1954)
79. Modern Times (1936)
80. High Noon (1952)
81. Braveheart (1995) (I know, Mel Gibson in a skirt, and I still haven't seen it. Go figure.)
82. Apartment, The (1960)
83. Sixth Sense, The (1999)
84. Fargo (1996)
85. Aliens (1986)
86. Shining, The (1980)
87. Blade Runner (1982)
88. Strangers on a Train (1951)
89. Duck Soup (1933)
90. Metropolis (1927)
91. Finding Nemo (2003)
92. Donnie Darko (2001)
93. Toy Story 2 (1999)
94. Princess Bride, The (1987)
95. General, The (1927)
96. City Lights (1931)
97. Lola rennt (1998) (Run Lola Run)
98. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
99. Notorious (1946)
100. Sjunde inseglet, Det (1957) [The Seventh Seal]

The Chosen Beers

This is truly excellent - it's He'Brew, The Chosen Beer. From Schmaltz Brewing Company. It comes in two flavors: Genesis Ale and Messiah Bold. If only I liked beer.

Hat tip to reader Jim V.

Dude, You're Getting a Life

I just saw what had to be about the stupidest advertisement for software ever. It was for McAfee's Spam Killer product. It was a picture of a guy with changing text underneath. The text started out saying "The time I used to spend deleting spam..." Okay, so far so good. We all hate having to delete spam. But then it ruins it by saying "...Is the time I now spend doing last-minute holiday shopping. McAfee Spam Killer" Okay, chiefs, anyone who spends time they should be using for doing holiday shopping for family and friends on deleting spam instead has whacked priorities. Let the spam pile up. Do your holiday shopping. Your advertisement, instead of making me want to run right out and buy your software, makes me want to run right out and buy this guy a life for Christmas.

What's Your Elvish Name?

Mine's Nienna Ancalimë. As beautiful as all Elven words.

Find yours at Elvish Name Generator.

You have a Hobbit name too. Mine's Dimple Knotwise of Michel Delving. Hobbit Name Generator.

Short Movie Review

Return of the King: Wow.

Best Guitarist

Now and again, I'll read someone asking the question "Who is the best rock guitarist?" And among the names listed, I'll see the usual suspects: Yngwie Malmsteen, Eddie Van Halen (WTF?), Stevie Ray Vaughn, Jimi Hendrix, Steve Vai, and Jimmy Page. I almost never, however, see the man I would vote for - Carlos Santana. He has a very different style from the others mentioned, but nonetheless, he is an amazing guitarist.

Hey Look!

NBC is premiering The Short-Fingered Vulgarian Hour*. Guess the real estate business must be kind of slow for the Donald, if he's branching out into reality TV. It can't be that he simply craves the limelight, because he is, essentially, a modest man*. No, really. He once said so.

*Spy Magazine always used to refer to Trump as the short-fingered vulgarian, and I thought it a highly descriptive phrase. Some day I'll see if I can find the piece I wrote when Trump referred to himself as "essentially a modest man".

Musical Menu: Indian

I've decided to start a little feature showcasing music from around the world, as I suspect most Americans are only familiar with primarily American and British music. There's a whole lot of other music out there, and I thought it would be neat to feature some. In order not to break any copyrights, I am only going to be posting clips from songs, not entire songs.

Tonight's music selection, a tasty morsel named "Sona Sona Roop Hai", comes from India. Enjoy.

Sona Sona Roop Hai

My One Boy Cuddly Toy?

This is truly excellent. Brandon Cruz, who played Eddie in "The Courtship of Eddie's Father" is now a punk singer currently performing as the lead vocalist for The Dead Kennedys. He also released a solo album called "Eddie Is a Punk" with four different versions of the show's theme song.

In other news, it appears that a new version of the TV series was being made, and he appeared as a character in it. Apparently, though, the WB didn't pick it up for their fall schedule.

I'm Back

My friend is out of the hospital and recuperating as well as can be expected. I'm back home now, after having spent the entire weekend in NYC, which Ihave grown to dread. I left all the traffic behind, or so I thought.

Now for my 10-second review of Matrix Revolutions - It sucked.

Hmm, I guess that wasn't even 10 seconds. Okay, let me be a little bit more elaborate. Here thar be spoilers, so enter at your own risk.

Neo has got to be the stupidest man in the world. Bane is calling him "Mr. Anderson" in that monotone for like 10 minutes before he finally figures out that Bane's been possessed by Agent Smith. Well, actually, that isn't even what got him to figure it out. No, Neo had to "see" Agent Smith, unlike the entire audience, who copped to it really early on from all the mega-obvious clues.

Trinity's death scene - I was screaming in my mind "Would you just die already!"

The kid at the end running around telling everyone that the war was over - Could he have been more like Tiny Tim from "A Christmas Carol"? Only had he gone around saying in that preternaturally cheerful voice "God bless us all, everyone." I kept waiting for him to utter those very words.

The Wachowski brothers seem to have mistaken a quantity of Agent Smith for quality. Sure, there were tons of Agents Smith running around, but they weren't saying nearly enough. When you have a great villain like that, use him!

The same goes for the Merovingian, but they could have improved what little he did say too. For example, was it necessary to have him hit us over the head with the "not coincidence, but consequence" schtick? I think not.

A better explanation for why the Oracle looked different in this film would have been "I was bored with my old outfit, so I bought a new one." Short, simple, not vague.

Well, that's about it. To quote the Oracle "Everything that has a beginning, has an end", which was the best thing you could say about this film.

Show Me the Horror

I finally screwed up the nerve to watch "The Omen". I went into it figuring I'd be scared out of my wits and jumping at shadows afterwards. As I was watching it, I kept waiting for it to start to be scary. Yeah, the nanny hung herself. The priest was impaled with a spike. The photographer was decapitated by a pane of glass. All gruesome. None scary.

The music was good. It kept me figuring eventually something truly horrifying would happen. But it never did. Someone's going to have to tell me just what was so scary about "The Omen", because I can't figure it out. I spent most of the movie thinking about how absurd it would be if the father succeeded in killing Damien (which I knew he wouldn't, as there were two sequels) and had to explain it in a court of law. "Well, Your Honor, the child wasn't human. No, really, he was the Antichrist. He had this birthmark on his scalp. A 666. And he was born on June 6th at 6 am. Look, his mother was a jackal. Oh yeah, and there's this poem."

All About the 80s

Today's Moment of Duh

The first sentence of a caption from a slide show about the New York Cat Show (emphasis mine).

The Norwegian Forest Cat originated in Norway. It is a hardy, cat with a thick coat, well-equipped to survive the Scandanavian winters. These cats have almond-shaped eyes and are found in most colors and patterns.

Tomorrow we'll probably learn that the Siamese originated in Thailand (f/k/a Siam).

10 Worst Movies I've Ever Seen

I watched a movie yesterday that got me thinking about the worst movies I've ever seen. This movie was so bad that, in fact, I believe it is the worst movie I've ever seen, so it gets the dubious honor of topping the list. The rest are in no particular order.

1. Feardotcom. The plot is disjointed. The acting is terrible. Even the usually fantastic Stephen Rea is bad in this clunker. A website that kills you 48 hours after you visit it. Do yourself a favor. If the description intrigues you, rent The Ring instead. Even better, rent the original Japanese version, Ringu. Ringu is scary. Feardotcom is just grotesque.

2. The Smokers. The premise of this movie, three private school girls sick of being treated badly by men decide to turn the tables, could have worked. It could have worked if it had been a satire. As a drama, it was just stupid. You couldn't relate to the protagonists. In a satire, you would know you were supposed to be detached from them. In a drama, you have to be involved in their story to care. All I kept thinking was these girls seriously needed therapy.

3. Spawn. John Leguizamo playing a foul-mouthed clown from hell who resembles a beach ball. "Nuff said.

4. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. The animation was great. The plot wasn't. Could they have hit you over the head more with the socially conscious themes? I think not. It's not good when an animated feature takes itself too seriously.

5. American Psycho 2. The first thing that should have given it away was the words "straight to video". Sadly it was on cable, so I didn't know. American Psycho was a gory movie, but it was a fantastically dark satire about the greed and commercialism of the 80s. The scene with the business cards was perfect. The sequel was not fantastic, dark, or a satire. It was just bad. The main character wasn't interesting. William Shatner was not at all believable as a brilliant FBI profiler. The only thing that made the movie even slightly bearable was Geraint Wyn Davies.

6. Dungeons and Dragons. Jeremy Irons, whom I normally love, was awful as the evil wizard Profion. And he was the best actor in the movie. The plot was completely unbelievable. Why did the Council believe that Savina was unfit to rule? Flimsy at best. Make it go away.

7. The Wedding Planner. J. Lo and Matthew McConaughey. She was annoying. He was a jerk. Who cared about them falling in love?

8. Corpse Grinders. Soylent green cat food turns kitty into a flesh-craving monster. Sure, it could have been a great satire on corporate culture, but it was just dumb. And not at all scary.

9. Flash Gordon. Not even a cool soundtrack by Queen, Max von Sydow, Brian Blessed, and Timothy Dalton could save this from the overwhelmingly horrible performances of Sam Jones and Melody Anderson. It's a bad sign when you're rooting for Ming the Merciless to kill Flash.

10. Masters of the Universe. Speaking of rooting for villains to kill heroes, I was hoping Skeletor would kill He-Man just to put us out of his misery. Where did anyone get the idea that Dolph Lundgren could act? Even worse was having the action take place both in Eternia and Earth. It might have been bearable if Dolph Lundgren had only to interact with other cartoonish characters in Eternia, but to have him interact with kids on Earth just pointed up how cartoonish he really was.

iTunes Rocks

I stand by what I said here regarding Apple's poor marketing ability. Nonetheless, their technology is great. Although I already had MusicMatch, given that I also have an iPod and had seen how seamlessly iTunes integrates with the iPod from a friend who had both, I decided to give iTunes a whirl. First, the software was free, so there wasn't a lot of risk. Second, I wanted to try the much vaunted iTunes Music Store, where I could download items a la carte for 99 cents each.

I was able to find most of the stuff I was looking for tonight. I downloaded Black Uhuru's "Black Uhuru Anthem", Harry Belafonte's "Man Smart (Woman Smarter)", Ella Fitzgerald's version of "Blue Skies", Judy Collins singing "Marieke", an entire folk album by John Renbourn, and Monty Python's "Live at City Center". Pretty decent variety. Oddly, though, they have virtually no Beatles songs. Plenty of Rolling Stones and David Bowie, but no Beatles. I hope they plan on rectifying that within short order.

The interface is better than MusicMatch too. Everything is available from the main screen if you so choose. You can show just the library, but if you also elect to show the browser, you can access any genre, any artist, or any album without having to switch views. All your playlists are on the left menu for easy switching. It shows you what songs you've recently played and the top 25 songs you've played most often. It also allows you to rate songs, look at your top-rated songs, and create playlists on the basis of your ratings.

The integration with the iPod is better than the MusicMatch integration. Rather than having to open a separate window and wait forever before it recognizes the iPod, iTunes allows you to navigate within the same interface and recognizes the iPod immediately. Of course this means nothing to you if you don't own an iPod. Although if you don't, why the hell not? Unless you're not a music fan. If you are and want your music portable, the iPod is fabby. And I'm working with one of the old, thicker models. I hear the new ones are even better.

Aside from the little weirdness regarding Beatles songs, all in all iTunes is great, and iTunes with iPod is truly fantastic. Give it a shot. What have you got to lose?

King of the Road

Yesterday night I finally finished my quest to read all the Stephen King novels peripherally related to the Dark Tower Series. Those books would be:

• The Stand


• The Talisman (written with Peter Straub)


• Black House (written with Peter Straub)


• Salem's Lot


• Insomnia


• The Eyes of the Dragon


• Two short stories from Everything's Eventual: "The Little Sisters of Eluria" and "Everything's Eventual"


• One short story from Hearts In Atlantis: "Low Men in Yellow Coats"

This sets me up for the fifth Dark Tower book, Wolves of the Calla, slated to be published November 4th. I really enjoyed Salems Lot, which surprised me. For some reason I didn't expect a Stephen King book about vampires to be all that good, given that I am a huge fan of Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles. Nevertheless, although the book was completely different, I still enjoyed it a lot. If anyone is planning on reading the last three Dark Tower novels, I recommend going ahead and reading all the peripheral books you haven't yet read. It's fun, and you'll see the Crimson King and Randall Flagg show up a few times, as well as some tantalizing mentions of Roland and his trio of gunslingers.

But while waiting for Wolves of the Calla to be published, I have broken down and bought Brian Herbert and Kevin Anderson's fourth Dune book, The Butlerian Jihad, curse them both. I love the Dune Series. Okay, specifically I love the books Frank Herbert wrote in the Dune Series. I could tell that he was building up to some great reveal at the end of the sixth Dune book, Chapterhouse Dune, but sadly he died prior to completing the seventh.

When I read that his son had found extensive notes regarding Herbert's plans for the seventh book and was planning on collaborating with Kevin Anderson to write it, I was ecstatic. Finally all the pieces would be brought together, although, the two had decided to go back and do a little pre-history first, and so were writing three books that took place shortly before Dune. I dutifully read those three novels, expecting the last novel to be shortly forthcoming.

Alas, no. They decided to go even further back in history to the time of the Butlerian jihad discussed in the Dune series and write three novels about that. At first I was boycotting, but running out of books to read, I relented. I started The Butlerian Jihad last night, and so far am finding it a relatively decent read (more than I can say for the last two books they wrote). I suppose now I'll have to read the next two (but I'm waiting for paperback). After that they better write that final novel, though, or I'll be way pissed off.

Paperback Writer

Apparently, the book industry had expected e-books to take off. They have now faced the fact that was apparent to most readers - e-books are not going to replace paper books anytime soon. My take on the reasons why.

• Books don't have batteries that run out in the middle of a really engrossing chapter.


• It's easier to read the type in a paper book than the type on a small LCD screen.


• You can curl up with a book, but not your computer monitor or laptop.


• Standards, standards, standards. Be they hardcover or paperback, books don't require you to have different types of technology to read different books. You only require your eyes and hands. e-Books came in competing formats, so you weren't guaranteed that you could read a given book on the format you owned.


• There's just something about the smell of a new book.

For the foreseeable future, books are here to stay.

From Book to Film

When you think of novels frequently adapted to film, you probably think of "A Christmas Carol" (17 times, excluding TV adaptations), "Frankenstein" (16 times, excluding TV), "Dracula" (14 times, excluding TV), and "Little Women" (7 times, excluding TV). You probably do not think of Choderlos de Laclos's 1789 classic "Les Liaisons Dangereuses". Yet excluding TV productions, this novel has been adapted to film 5 times (one Japanese).

You probably all remember the 1988 version starring John Malkovich as the Victome de Valmont, Glenn Close as the Marquise de Merteuil, and Michelle Pfeiffer as Madame de Tourvel. Some may recall the 1989 version, "Valmont" starring Colin Firth as Valmont, Annette Bening as Merteuil, and Meg Tilly as Tourvel. Those really in the know may realize that 1999's "Cruel Intentions", starring Ryan Phillippe as Sebastian Valmont, Sarah Michelle Gellar as Kathryn Merteuil, and Reese Witherspoon in the Tourvel-like role, was based on the novel. But how many of you knew that in 1959, Roger Vadim used the novel as the basis for an updated tale of sexual cruelty and intrigue entitled, aptly, "Les Liaisons Dangereuses"? His version starred Gérard Philipe as Valmont, Jeanne Moreau as Merteuil, and Annette Vadim as Tourvel.

Having now seen 4 of the 5 (the Japanese one lacks great interest to me at the moment), I will say that without having yet read the novel, "Dangerous Liaisons" is my favorite. Between the two period adaptations, Malkovich stands out as Valmont. Firth played a more sympathetic version, but there was something about Malkovich's stunningly cold portrayal of the jaded man who warms up too late when he suddenly falls in love. Michelle Pfeiffer's more serious portrayal of the virtuous Madame de Tourvel is also far and away better than Meg Tilly's rather silly one. Although Bening's performance as Merteuil stands out in my mind as better than Close's (Bening brought a sexiness to the role that Close lacked), it was not enough to make up for Tilly's fatuousness and Firth's not-quite-as-good Valmont. I will confess that almost anyone would have been better as Chevalier Danceny than Keanu Reeves in "Dangerous Liaisons", but fortunately his role wasn't big enough to detract too much from the entire film.

Of the two updated versions, I even prefer "Cruel Intentions". By having Valmont and Merteuil married, Vadim took something away from the story. Jeanne Moreau was quite good as the seemingly pure but truthfully scheming Merteuil, but Gérard Philipe didn't quite have what it takes to make Valmont as calculating as I felt he should be. Very charming, but lacking in that true cruelty that Malkovich so convincingly played. Ryan Phillippe actually had that part down better than the man who so nearly shared his last name. Annette Vadim was rather boring as Madame de Tourvel.

Little known trivia about the film adaptations. Swoosie Kurtz appeared in two of them. She played Madame de Volanges in "Dangerous Liaisons" and had a cameo at the beginning of "Cruel Intentions" as Sebastian's psychologist. Catherine Deneuve, another of Roger Vadim's lovers, is appearing as Merteuil in an upcoming miniseries version along with her son with Vadim, Christian, as Monsieur Tourvel. This version will star Rupert Everett as Valmont (I do like Everett, but I don't see him excelling in this role), and Nastassja Kinski as Tourvel (I shudder).

Separated at Birth

I was watching a great movie this evening, Bollywood/Hollywood. During one scene, a guest appears at the Sangeet (pre-wedding celebration) for the sister (Twinky) of the main character (Rahul), a star from Bollywood named Akshaye Khanna. As I'm watching him, I can't help think two things (1) he really reminds me of someone, and (2) damn, he's hot! Finally I remembered who he reminds me of - Bruce Campbell.

Bruce Campbell

Akshaye Khanna

BTW, cute line from Bollywood/Hollywood. When the Rahul's mother thanks Akshaye for flying in to attend Twinky's Sangeet, he says "Of course. Rahul is like a brother to me." Rahul was played by Akshaye's brother, Rahul Khanna.

Today's Blog Brought to You by the Number 9

Despite a loss, the Yankees magic number is now 9.

9 Democratic Presidential candidates.

U.S. wrestlers have won 9 straight matches in the third session of the World Freestyle Championships.

Eartha Kitt will be replacing Chita Rivera in the cast of the Broadway Show "Nine".

Tommy Chong was sentenced to 9 months in prison for distributing bongs and marijuana pipes online.

Hideki Matsui has been stuck at 99 RBIs since last Wednesday.

Thunderbirds Are GO!

Remember the British TV series "Thunderbirds"? Remember how much fun it was to watch those marionettes performing all the action and "stunts"? Wasn't that pretty much what made the series what it was? Without the marionettes, it would have just been another spy show. That's why this live-action movie version is so wrong. Even Ben Kingsley as the Hood can't make up for the lack of marionettes.

Not only that, but apparently, in an attempt to appeal to the "Harry Potter" crowd, most of the action will center around youngest Tracy son, Alan. Only instead of being in his 20s, Alan will now be only around 14. Why even bother doing a movie version of "Thunderbirds" if all you want is an action/spy film that will appeal to kids too young to even know what "Thunderbirds" was? Just what the world needs, another "Spy Kids"-like series of films.

Top 10 Movies

In the keeping things light vein, I decided to go ahead and list my favorite movies. What the hell. In no particular order.

The Producers. Personally, I believe this was Mel Brooks' best movie. I know there's the Young Frankenstein freaks (and that is a great movie) and the Blazing Saddles boosters (another great movie), but neither of those has the same laugh power for me as The Producers. Dick Shawn as the hippie Hitler. "I lieb you, baby, I lieb you. Now leave me alone." That in and of itself is enough to make this my Brooks pick. Add to that Zero Mostel as the sleazy old-lady-seducing Broadway has-been ("Max Bialystock is launching himself into little old lady land!"), Gene Wilder as the nervous accountant ("... I'm in pain! I'm in pain, and I'm wet! ... and I'm still hysterical!"), and Kenneth Mars as the crazy Hitler worshipper ("Hitler...there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in ONE afternoon! TWO coats!!") and baby, you've got a hit!

The Philadelphia Story. Katharine Hepburn as the haughty heiress who discovers her heart before it's too late ("I don't want to be worshipped. I want to be loved."); Cary Grant as her charming ex-husband ("Be whatever you like, you're my redhead."), and Jimmy Stewart as the tabloid reporter who doesn't trust the wealthy ("I would sell my grandmother for a drink - and you know how I love my grandmother." This movie mixes the elements together, shaken, not stirred, into a fine cocktail.

Rebecca. Daphne Du Maurier's gothic novel filmed for the screen by Alfred Hitchock. Already the film is off to a promising start. This tale of a shy young woman who marries a widower she fears idolizes his dead first wife has the best opening line of a film. Ever. "Last night I dreamed I went to Manderley again." There are also lesbian undertones to the adoration of the housekeeper Mrs. Danvers for the late Mrs. DeWinter, the infamous Rebecca. Joan Fontaine, Laurence Olivier, and Judith Anderson all excel.

The Lion in Winter. Palace intrigue as the wife and sons of Henry II try to get him to name his successor. Peter O'Toole in his second role as Henry II (the first playing a younger Henry in Becket) is perfectly cast against Katharine Hepburn as his scheming queen, Eleanor of Aquitaine. The love/hate relationship they share is wonderfully acted by these two. The remainder of the cast is also excellent. Anthony Hopkins as Prince Richard (soon to be Richard I), Nigel Terry as Prince John, and Timothy Dalton as the young King Philip of France.

Rope. This cat-and-mouse tale of murder was loosely based on the Leopold and Loeb case. John Dall and Farley Granger aptly play the two bored rich men who decide to strangle one of their friends, David Kentley, whom they believe to be intellectually inferior to themselves, as a sort of sociopathic thought-exercise - to see if they can commit the perfect murder. But if they simply commit the murder and dispose of the body, how can they prove to themselves that they are, indeed, intellectually superior to most mere mortals? Therefore they enact an increasingly elaborate scheme to keep the body stuffed in a chest in the library while having a few people over for dinner. They invite David's parents, his fiancee, and the only person they consider on an intellectually equal plane as themselves, their old teacher Rupert Cadell, marvelously played by Jimmy Stewart. And therein lies the challenge - if they can fool Rupert, they will know they have committed the perfect murder. However, as the evening progresses, Brandon becomes increasingly risque with his hints, and Phillip starts to fall apart from the guilt. Rupert begins to suspect something is amiss as David, who was ostensibly also invited, doesn't show up to the party. Filmed to look as though it were shot in one take, and taking place in "real time" (the movie is 77 minutes long, as is the action from start to finish), this is one of Hitchcock's most fascinating films.

Bell Book and Candle. If there were ever an actress I would want to be like, it would be Kim Novak. In this movie, she gets the perfect blend between being smart and independent vs. vulnerable playing Gillian Holroyd, a witch who decides to enchant her handsome neighbor, played by Jimmy Stewart, as a way to get back at his fiancee, a woman she has despised since college. Her plans go awry, though, when she falls in love with Shep for real. Character parts by Jack Lemmon, Hermione Gingold, and Elsa Lanchester make this enchanting tale even more bewitching. And, who could forget Gillian's familiar - the cat Pyewacket.

Hans Christian Andersen. Wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen... Danny Kaye sings and dances his way through this fictional story about the life of the famous fairytale writer. Most of the rest of the cast doesn't particularly shine. Farley Granger is suitably annoying as Andersen's "nemesis", the director of a Danish ballet company and husband of Andersen's love interest. And Jeanmaire plays the egocentric ballerina well, in large part because, at the time the movie was filmed, she was basically playing herself. But Danny Kaye and the retellings of Andersen's fairytales make this movie wondrous. The Tale of the Ugly Duckling alone is worth renting the film for.

The Sound of Music. The first film I ever saw, this movie has never lost its magic for me. Julie Andrews is perfect as the young novitiate, Maria. The backdrop of the Austrian Alps is breathtaking. The sweet, innocent story of Maria's coming of age is darkly counterpointed by the Nazi's rise to power. My only regret is that I would have loved to have seen Theodore Bikel play the role of Captain von Trapp, as he did on Broadway.

Much Ado About Nothing. Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more. But how can you not sigh while watching Kenneth Branagh's spot-on adaptation of Shakespeare's play? Starring him as Benedick, one half of Shakespeare's battling lovers, and Emma Thompson as Beatrice, the other half, in some ways this movie represents the love he must have felt for then wife Thompson. He films her so beautifully, and Benedick's joy when he finally realizes he loves Beatrice goes beyond acting. Wonderful erformances by Brian Blessed, Richard Briers, Kate Beckinsale, and Michael Keaton add even more zest. Not even an incredibly wooden performance by Keanu Reeves or a surprisingly flat one by Denzel Washington (maybe Shakespeare isn't his thing) mar this film too much.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail. What can I say? (Not "Ni"). There is not one unfunny scene in the entire film. From the black knight hopping up and down on his stumps ("I'll bite your knees off!") to the confrontation between King Arthur and the anarcho-syndicalist commune ("Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!") to the insulting French soldiers ("Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.") to the ancient bridgekeeper ("What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"), everything in this film is funny. Python at their bizarre best.

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

The end of a retro era. Last night, my date and I were set to go dancing in the Village. Even though it was chock full of bridge and tunnel crowders (and now that I'm part of the bridge and tunnel crowd, I would have fit right in), for some reason I always loved going to Polly Esthers. Imagine our surprise when we arrived at the club only to find a note pasted to the window that it was closed, and we should go to Culture Club instead.

The only problem is that I loved Polly Esthers. There's something about the 70s music they would play that made me want to dance. And I do love to dance. When I get started, there's just no stopping me. I love the sensuality of dance. It feels almost erotic when you're out there on the floor shaking your bootie. But in order to get that, it has to be music that makes me feel that way. The music at Polly Esthers did. The music at Culture Club does not. Songs by Wham and Culture Club don't make me want to get up there and strut my stuff. Mostly they make me want to run screaming from the room.

Don't get me wrong. I love 80s music. Just not the kind of 80s music you hear at Culture Club. Find me a place where I can groove to The Cure, New Order, Gang of Four, Roxy Music, Depeche Mode, Jesus and Mary Chain and I'm a happy dancing camper. Play Wham, Culture Club, a-Ha, Cyndi Lauper, Madonna, Duran Duran and I'm going to be covering my ears and heading for the door.

I have fond memories of Polly Esthers. Drinking a Sonny (don't ask me to remember what was in it, it was too strong for that). Watching the goofy 70s movies without sound they would play on the TV screens. Dancing with one of my ex-boyfriends who was a lot of fun to dirty dance with. When I first started going there, they had this thing I would call the Wall o' 70s. Pictures of every 70s teen idol you could think of.

I had completely forgotten about Leif Garrett until I saw that wall. Remembering him was embarrassing, because I was also forced to recall the huge crush I had on him in junior high school, now inexplicable to me. I can understand the Shaun Cassidy crush (and he was on the Wall o' 70s too), but Leif Garrett? David Cassidy, Robbie Benson, Parker Stevens, John Travolta, Scott Baio - all of them had their place on the Wall. It was like taking a trip down Teen Beat memory lane. It was my adolescence staring me right in the face in all its awkward, goofy glory. Now my fix is gone.

Man, I hope they don't cancel "That 70s Show" any time soon.

Top Ten Works of Fiction

Dietz got to thinking about his top ten works of fiction and asked others to do the same. So what the hell. Again, in no particular order.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. I know, given that I named one of my cats after this book, who would know? Possibly the world's first feminist novel. And is Rochester a great character, or what?

Emma by Jane Austen. Since I named my other cat after this book, another shocker. A finely drawn social satire with great characters.

Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll. White rabbits, hookah-smoking caterpillars, moving playing cards and chess pieces, and the Walrus and the Carpenter. What's not to love?

The Manticore by Robertson Davies. The tale of one man's experience in Jungian therapy written only as Robertson Davies could write it.

Dune by Frank Herbert. The interwoven themes of religion, politics, and environmentalism make this a fascinating read.

Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery. I have loved the Anne of Green Gables series since I was a little girl. The story of the plucky red-headed little orphan girl (the first person to make a Li'l Orphan Annie crack gets it) is absolutely charming.

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle. No other book could explain the concept of a tesseract to a child and non-science-minded adult so well.

The Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. Don't panic! And always know where your towel is.

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. Jo, Meg, Beth, Amy, Marmee, and Laurie. I always felt like I knew them.

Daniel Deronda by George Eliot. The story of one Englishman's discovery that he is actually Jewish.

True Imperilment of Free Speech

So this guy I know suggested that The Wiesenthal Center's publicly requesting Mel Gibson to alter his film "The Passion" was an imperilment of Gibson's rights to free speech. For his benefit, I would like to present to him with what a real imperilment of a filmmaker's rights to free speech looks like.

A veil of censorship is hanging over the Venice film festival, with a series of contentious new films facing bans, savage cuts and a looming threat that their makers may be locked up when they return home.

Let's compare and contrast. In the first case, a private group requests that a filmmaker alter his film with no threat to his freedom or his ability to release his film if he doesn't. In the second, the government may ban the filmmakers' works outright, alter them forcibly, and/or imprison the filmmakers.

Gee. Stacked up next to each other like that, really, no comparison. The first is not a threat to anyone's rights to free speech. The second clearly is. Remind me to feel sorry for Mel Gibson some time next week, though. Otherwise I'll certainly forget.

Night Falls Over the Great Estate of Collinwood

TiVo is a wonderful thing. I love it. Since installing it, I have been able to feed my unnatural desire for that fabulous gothic soap opera, Dark Shadows. (No, not Port Charles, which has merely gotten goofy since it went all supernatural, despite allowing me to look at Michael Easton on a regular basis. Although it's been cancelled now, so it really doesn't matter.) I have loved Dark Shadows since I first saw it in reruns as a teenager. What's not to love? Vampires, witches, werewolves, parallel time, and a Dorian Gray-esque character (played by none other than the immensely hot David Selby) acted by a cast that knew how to do supernatural without being goofy. They were human beings first. The supernatural was secondary.

While getting my daily bite, I kept seeing commercials for the Dark Shadows DVD Club. The allure of owning the series on DVD finally cast its witching spell on me, and I joined. Today my first shipment came, along with the special gift of a Barnabas Collins bobblehead doll.

I just can't figure out why there's dog poop by Barnabas' shoe.

Be quiet, I know they're supposed to be leaves.

Whither Vermont

I don't know what parallel universe Vermont Jonah Goldberg visited.

It’s official: I loathe Vermont. In fact, it weren’t for a few NRO readers, one old friend of mine, one girl at an ice-cream stand, one guy named Bert, and Calvin Coolidge I would argue that there are no and have been no good Vermonters, ever. Yes, yes, yes, it’s pretty. Very pretty. Damn them, their gorgeous state!

But that’s part of the problem, the whole places gives off that “I Hope you’re not planning to stay here” vibe. It reminds me of that “Seinfeld” where the Maestro (played by that Niedermeyer actor from Animal House), insists there’s no room anywhere in Tuscany for any more visitors.

I've been to Vermont a couple of times over the last few years, and I always found Vermonters to be quite nice and friendly. I never got a "'I Hope you’re not planning to stay here' vibe". I wonder, based on this encounter Jonah had in Vermont, if maybe the reason he got that vibe had more to do with his own attitude than with Vermonters. Sounds to me like he went in with a whole citified attitude. He might remember that there are reasons why people from cities like New York, Los Angeles, and D.C. are generally disliked throughout the rest of the country. It's because some of us seem to expect the rest of the country to cater to our rushed demands, even on their own turf.

Via The Daily Rant.

Free For Anything Fancy

I do believe it is impossible to be in a bad mood when listening to Fred Astaire songs.

Media Efficiency

Jay brings to my attention something I consider highly efficient. It allows me to avoid two things I don't like simultaneously - Football and Rush Limbaugh. Think of the time I'll save.

Even Thief Doesn't Want This Jewelry

Apparently the thief who stole Lil' Kim's jewelry decided it was so tacky that he/she didn't even want it.

Yes, I know that he/she probably decided it was too easily traceable to fence, but I prefer my version of the story.

What New, Fresh Hell Is This?

Why, it's Michele's new comics blog - Four Color Hell.

Spike Spikes Spike

Some judge granted Spike Lee's petition to prevent Viacom from changing the name of TNN to Spike TV pending a trial.

Next up, Lee sues dog collars for having spikes, heads over to the UK to sue Spike Magazine, has Spike Milligan and Spike Jones exhumed and dragged into court, petitions USA Volleyball to change the term "spiking" the ball to something else, and files a suit to get every English language dictionary in the world to change the definition of "spike" to his biography.

Via Laurence, who has some even better stuff about other entertainment figures/institutions that might sue for improper use of their names.

IP Insanity

Maybe the estate of Spike Jones could sue Spike Lee for using Mr. Jones' name, one he clearly had the prior claim to. Perhaps Mr. Lee will next decide to sue all pet owners with dogs named Spike, because apparently the public associates the name Spike with Mr. Lee, and he wouldn't want people thinking he goes around wearing a dog collar every day and has fleas. Maybe he'll sue Joss Whedon for daring to name a fictional vampire Spike. Although Hollywood filmmaker and vampire are pretty synonymous, so maybe that doesn't bother him.

Regardless of all that, Spike Lee is suing Viacom over its decision to change the name of TNN to Spike TV - the first network for men (oddly, I thought ESPN was the first network for men). He bases his claim on the fact that several celebrities believed the name change was related to him and that he had become affiliated with the network. That he extends what celebrities believe to the rest of the American public indicates that, yet again, Hollywood believes it represents the American public. Bwahahaha!

Scary Monsters

Memo to self: Don't watch a scary movie on a school work night. I was watching the movie "In Dreams". For the most part, it wasn't particularly scary. Until the very end. The last couple of minutes freaked me out. In fact, the thing that freaked me out (the hands reaching through the mirror) reminds me of another not-so-scary-until-the-last-minute movie, "Carrie".

I watched "Carrie" prepared to be totally scared based on the reactions of my friends. As the movie progressed, I remember thinking to myself "This isn't scary. It's mostly just goofy." The menstruation scene wasn't scary. The pig's blood wasn't scary. The doors slamming on the prom wasn't scary. I just wasn't scared at all. Until the last minute. That hand reaching up from the grave gave me nightmares.

There are lots of movies like that. Movies which aren't scary, except for one or two scenes. "The Shining" comes to mind. Nicholson was so over the top that it was actually funny. I remember the audience laughing. But the scene in the bathtub came back to haunt me later on, as did all those "Redrum"s. I was scared to take a bath for weeks.

But none of that lives up to my scariest movie scene. Laurence was asking people "What movie scenes have horribly warped and scarred your psyche?" I didn't even have to think about that one. It was from "The Birds". The scene where the birds are in the house attacking Tippi Hedren and Rod Taylor. I saw that movie when I was a kid, and it scarred me for life. To this day, I am afraid of birds. I can take baths. I was able to look in the mirror tonight. I can go into graveyards. But birds? I just can't deal with birds.

By the way, one movie that wasn't scary at all was "The Ring". It was a little eerie in parts, but it was not scary. If it's true that some people have described it as the scariest movie ever, this is because they are wimps and have not seen "The Exorcist". I know "The Birds" scarred me forever, but that's really because I was a kid when I saw it. I doubt it would have the same effect on me as an adult. But "The Exorcist" still holds the title for scariest movie ever. That movie is scary all the way through.

Oh, and Mom, "Rosemary's Baby"? May have been scary in 1968, but in the world after Freddie and Jason, it's nothing but corny.

I want my Meow TV

Oxygen Network is debuting a TV program targeted specifically for cats. Yes, that's right, your feline friends (or foes, depending on your view). Although I was unaware that cats possessed much disposable income, I'm looking forward to seeing whether or not they feature commercials for Chinese restaurants during the half-hour program.

Ball of Confusion

Each day I am more and more convinced that we live in a world of morons. Hello, people? It's only a movie!

Fictional Fears

CalPundit points to a piece by James Lileks which offhandedly claims that the male version of The Handmaid’s Tale would probably never be published. Specifically, Lileks is talking about a book where the world is run by gays who breed a ruling class via genetic manipulation and the struggle of one man to defy his programming, so it is not completely analogous to the example that CalPundit found on Henry Farrell’s blog. However, both The Handmaid’s Tale and The Feminists point to an interesting phenomenon that is often overlooked in discussions about what could be published at any given time – namely that fiction tends to mirror current societal fears.

The Feminists was written in 1971. It is a dystopia in which feminists now rule the world, and men are relegated to nothing more than chattel for breeding purposes. To make matters worse, women are apparently trying to find a way to even eliminate the need to use men for breeding. One man has broken the law by making love to a consenting woman without permission from the government. He becomes a fugitive and runs across other people who have broken similar laws and are fighting to overthrow their feminist oppressors.

The Handmaid’s Tale was written in 1986. It tells of a dystopia in which right-wing religious fundamentalists have taken over and fertile women are relegated to nothing more than chattel for breeding purposes for the upper class (since most women were rendered infertile after exposure to pesticides, nuclear waste, and chemical weapons). One woman develops an illicit sort of relationship with the upper-class man she is sent to have children for (he plays Scrabble with her, brings her cosmetics and a cocktail dress), but does not become pregnant by him. The man’s wife then arranges for her to sleep with the chauffeur. They develop a relationship, and she thinks she is pregnant. The wife then discovers the cocktail dress and has the protagonist arrested. In the end, she escapes to safety thanks to rebel forces.

Consider what was going on in society during the times these two novels were written. In 1971, feminism was on the rise. It was a new, intense force; one whose rhetoric was novel to the masses. Women were burning their bras, marching for freedom. The sexual revolution was at its height. This was a profound challenge to society’s long-held traditions. More women were working, threatening the jobs of men. Women were behaving more like men in their sexual lives, which was further threatening to men. The Feminists perfectly echoed the fears of society, as its mores were challenged and changed. However, dystopic representations of a female-ruled world were not precisely new. Tales such as The Revolt of Man and A World of Women were written during the women’s suffrage movement as well.

By 1986, although feminism had made great strides, as a political movement it had suffered a big backlash. The Equal Rights Amendment had been defeated. Feminism as a movement was considered to be peopled by radical man-hating dykes, thus turning off ordinary women who probably support the true goals of feminism. Like many political movements that challenged the traditional orthodoxy, it was marginalized and defined by its most extreme members. Instead, Jerry Falwell’s Moral Majority, instrumental in the 1980 election of Ronald Reagan, was not far removed from its heyday. Fears of radical feminists gaining too much power were replaced by fears of Christian conservatives gaining too much power. The Handmaid’s Tale told of those fears.

Examples of pop culture producing material that bely our deepest fears abound. Societal fears of technology drove sci-fi writers to portray technological dystopias. Consider The Terminator, The Matrix, anything by Philip Dick, even Brave New World and Metropolis. Our fears of totalitarianism were expressed in 1984, Anthem, and Brazil. For that matter, even The Lord of the Rings expresses a fear of totalitarianism, as well as a fear of the loss of nature. In the original Star Trek, the Klingons seemed to represent the Russians at a time when the Cold War was in full swing. By the time we got to The Next Generation, the Cold War was ended, but we feared being economically displaced by the Japanese. Suddenly the Romulans became a bigger threat, and their dress took on shades of Japanese samurai costumes.

In this context, it is not surprising that The Handmaid’s Tale should be considered relevant today. Christian conservatives still represent a force to be reckoned with in American politics. The type of novel that Lileks describes doesn’t really represent our current fears. Most Americans are just not afraid that homosexuals are going to take over the world; we like heterosexual sex too much. Feminist has also become something of a dirty word. Although, a movie entitled The Stepford Husbands was produced in 1996, so female-run dystopias are not so far out of the mainstream as some might like to think.

I Don't Want My MTV

Every damn day at 4 pm, there are screaming people on the streets outside my office window. Why? Because it's MTV's Total Request Live. Carson Daly, go away.

Just A Couple of Things

Go see "A Mighty Wind" and "X2: X-Men United".

Thanks.

Can't Get Enough

Urban American Television Network is gambling that American's didn't get enough of the first O.J. reality show (you know, his trial). They're distributing a 13-week series starring him featuring his daily life as he continues his hunt for the real killer on all the Miami golf courses.

Friday Five

Okay, I'm going to do a Friday 5, because I'm bored.

1. Who is your favorite celebrity?

I'm kind of loving Colin Farrell these days.

2. Who is your least favorite?

Viggo Mortensen! Hands down. So much so that I won't even link you to his IMDB profile.

3. Have you ever met or seen any celebrities in real life?

I mostly get to see sort of weird, fringe celebrities. I once saw Captain Lou Albano on the street. I also saw Al Franken. The biggest celebrity spot I ever had was seeing David Byrne. On the political front, I did once shake hands with Henry Kissinger.

4. Would you want to be famous? Why or why not?

Nah, too little privacy. Who wants gushing, fawning people harassing you?

5. If you had to trade places with a celebrity for a day, who would you choose and why?

Well, there is a producer named Rhonda Tollefson. Why her? Because she's married to Oded Fehr. Why would I want to change places with her? Have you seen what he looks like?

Public Service Announcement

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blogging to bring you this Public Service Announcement from regular reader, Justin. He works in tech support (although not of the Amish variety) and knows from whence he speaks.

For all of you using Kaaza or any other music sharing program, you had best mind your manners and follow the copyright laws.

I have seen dozens of these notices across my desktop today alone. They seem to be increasing their monitoring. Respect the rights of the musicians, or be prepared to pay the price.

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am contacting you on behalf of the Recording Industry Association of America, Inc. (RIAA) and its member record companies. The RIAA is a trade association whose member companies create, manufacture, and distribute approximately ninety (90) percent of all legitimate sound recordings sold in the United States. Under penalty of perjury, we submit that the RIAA is authorized to act on behalf of its member companies in matters involving the infringement of their sound recordings, including enforcing their copyrights and common law rights on the Internet.

We believe a user on your network, using the above referenced IP address, is offering 1,024 files for download through a peer to peer application. Many of these files contain copyrighted sound recordings including recordings by such artists as Jay-Z, 311, 50 Cent, Oasis and Fith Hill that are owned by our member companies. For your reference we have included a representative list of some of the infringing sound recordings being offered at the above IP address.

We have a good faith belief that the above-described activity is not authorized by the copyright owners, their agent, or the law. We are asking for your immediate assistance in stopping this unauthorized activity. Specifically, we request that you remove or disable access to the infringing sound files via your system.

In addition, we believe it is in everyone's interest for music consumers to be better educated about the subject of copyright law and music. In addition to taking steps to notify this network user about the illegal nature of this activity, we encourage you to refer him/her to the MUSIC Coalition's new website at http://www.musicunited.org/. The site contains valuable information about what's legal and what's not when it comes to copying music.

You should understand that this letter constitutes notice to you that this network user may be liable for the infringing activity occurring on your network. In addition, under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, if you ignore this notice, your institution may also be liable for any resulting infringement. This letter does not constitute a waiver of any right to recover damages incurred by virtue of any such unauthorized activities, and such rights as well as claims for other relief are expressly retained.

Thank you in advance for your prompt assistance in this matter. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me via e-mail ------------------------- in any response or communication regarding this infringement.

Sincerely,

Anti-Piracy Unit

RIAA

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog, already in progress.

Bunny Update and Other Web Searches

Apparently that insidious Toys "R" Us commercial has many people seeking information about it on the Web. I've had nearly 100 people arrive here looking for it over the last 24 hours. I'm starting to think that Peter Cottontail may be just the thing that the VCWC needs to spread its message far and wide.

In other web searches, someone arrived here looking for "roseanne barr swimsuit picture". What the hell were they thinking? And why am I the second site on the list?

Coming Clean

Or Confessions of a Soap Fan.

Yes, it's true. I'm coming clean. I like soap operas. Yet, amazingly, I am not a unemployed loser who sits home all day eating bon bons. I have a real job. A good real job. I make good money. I enjoy intellectual pursuits as well. I love classical music. I love reading and will stack up the books I've read in my life alongside most anyone's. I graduated from college with a degree in Liberal Arts with a 3.9 GPA. In fact, the program I graduated from was a Great Books program, meaning I had to take an oral exam on 24 great books in order to graduate. I passed it with honors. I received an MBA (with distinction) in Finance from NYU (look it up, it has one of the best finance programs in the world) with a 3.8 GPA. I am a member of Beta Gamma Sigma, the MBA honors organization. Have I sufficiently established my smart credentials?

I know other soap fans who are equally intelligent and gainfully employed. It is the TV that dare not speak its name, however. I rarely tell people that I am a soap fan because of the stereotypes surrounding such an admission. But no more! I am coming out of the soap closet.

I love soaps. I love watching the same characters year in and year out. I love trying to guess what plot line the writers are going for. Will Rafe and Alison finally overcome their obstacles and get married? Will Dorian be the one to finally get Mitch Laurence? Will Alexis and Cameron become a couple? I love seeing some of my favorite actors from soaps bygone appear on other soaps. I am really enjoying the Alexis/Cameron storyline on General Hospital, because the roles are played by Nancy Grahn and Lane Davies, respectively. Nancy and Lane previously portrayed Julia and Mason on the now-defunct Santa Barbara, and they were my favorite couple on Santa Barbara.

I get frustrated with soaps too. Sometimes the plots are stupid. Witness All My Children right now. I'm not watching it; it's just too silly. I keep up with the ongoings because of previews on SOAPNet and from reading Soap Opera Digest. Apparently one of their current plots involves a woman maybe sleeping with another man because her boyfriend wants her to steal some cosmetic formula from him. No, sorry, too stupid for me. Wake me up when they move on to an interesting story.

Are soaps mindless entertainment? You betcha. But what is wrong with mindless entertainment? Men can watch hours of mindless sports without being considered unemployed losers or brain-dead morons. Men who work at sports publications aren't subject to the sneers and jeers of the average news reader. In fact, it's considered pretty cool. Women who work at soap publications, however, are usually greeted with derision.

Why is it that soaps are treated with such disdain by many people? I think it hearkens back to the fact that soaps are generally considered women's entertainment. Back in the day, soaps started out on radio. Housewives would listen to their soaps on the radio while going about their daily chores. We all know with what respect the profession of housewifery is treated. Despite the rosy glasses of yesteryear which pretend that prior to the 1960s housewives were treated with enormous respect, the reality is that being a stay-at-home wife and mother has never been accorded the level of respect that having a high-powered career has been. It was a woman's place, and, well, of course women were not considered as smart or resourceful as men. It was never true that housewives who listened to soaps or watched them on TV were lazing around the house eating bon bons all day. But housewives long fought that view. It was, I believe, one of the drivers of women seeking careers outside the home.

So despite the fact that lots of women these days have high-powered careers and watch soaps, the view of soap watchers lingers on with its sexist undertones. I believe that most people who buy into this view of soap fans are not at all conscious of from whence it derives. I don't believe that they really think women are less smart and less resourceful than men. I just think that the view is a remnant of that mindset that people have unconsciously adopted. It can be very hard to eliminate all vestiges of long-held misconceptions.

But I'm here to tell you that it just ain't so. Soap watchers come in all shapes and sizes. There are women like me, smart with good careers. There are women who are smart, but are stay-at-home moms and wives; who catch their soaps while or in between their chores. There are college students. There are athletes (yes, that's right, some of your favorite male athletes are soap fans). There are men with good careers. And, sure, there are also some unemployed losers. But there are bound to be unemployed losers in pretty much any fan base of entertainment. That shouldn't broad brush the entire fan base.

Certain Unalienable Rights

That among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Your Favorite Show on the Telly.

Analyze This

Girolamo Lo Verso may be an expert on the Mafia psyche, but he clearly is not an expert on the American psyche.

Another Hollywood myth, he said, is the idea that mob bosses would ever go to a shrink as Robert De Niro did in the hit comedy "Analyze This."

(snip)

"It has never happened. The very idea is preposterous."

No shit, Sherlock. That's why it was a comedy, because the subject was preposterous.

Grandpa Moses

For most of his career, my father was a graphic designer (specifically a package designer). Now that he's retired, he's working much more on fine arts. Currently he's experimenting with colored pencils, to much success. You may recall that he had a portrait accepted to an exhibit in Maryland. Now College Misericordia has purchased one of his pieces for inclusion in their permanent collection. Take a look.

A Big Shout Out

To Rick and Dietz over at The Rant. Thanks to their fabu "Name That Movie" game, I am now achieving the impossible - remembering some of those movies I keep saying I want to buy on DVD but then blank out on when I'm actually in the store. Used to happen to me every time. But this weekend, I was in the store with my friend staring at the DVDs with my usual blank expression, saying "Damn, I just KNOW there were some I really wanted to buy," when I thought of their game. Then it came to me. I bought Amadeus, Forbidden Planet, and The Philadelphia Story, 3 movies recently featured in the game. I also bought Metropolis (the remastered 1927 black & white version) and Auntie Mame, although neither of those films have been featured (yet?).

You guys rock.

And The Winner Is...

In a surprise move, I did not watch the Oscars last night. Actually, it's not a surprise move, since I never watch the Oscars. Don't care for awards shows. Celebrities too impressed with their own importance giving speeches? Thanks, but I'll pass. Besides, I had much better things to do, like constantly check the scores of NCAA basketball. I have actual money riding on that.

But if anyone is interested in someone's take on award speeches, Jay was watching and blogging.

Unreal

War, schmar. This is really scary.

Wigging Out

I can't believe that anyone actually would want this thing back. But it's Cher, so I guess it shouldn't surprise me.

Via Dave Barry's Blog

BBC Puts the Wham-my On George Michaels' T-Shirt

Personally, I think the guy has the right to perform wearing an anti-war t-shirt. I'm not sure why a performer wearing a slogan t-shirt puts the BBC in breach of its impartiality guidelines. It's not like he is a representative of the BBC.

But my biggest question is why they wanted him on the show in the first place? Who cares about his politics? Does anybody really still like George Michaels?

Art

My father just had a colored pencil portrait accepted into the Maryland Federation of Art's Art on Paper Exhibition to be held April 11 - May 18 at their Circle Gallery in Annapolis. Yay Dad! A look at the portrait can be found below.

Dueling Fan Shows

Reality TV collides with self as a camera crew following Roseanne Barr, who will apparently be starring in an upcoming ABC reality series, bumps into one following Ozzy Osbourne around for his MTV reality series, while the celebs were shopping. It's like that picture of the man looking into a mirror looking into a mirror looking into a mirror...

Calling All Movie Buffs

Dietz over at The Rant has been having fun with a Name That Movie contest! The only rule is that you can't blurt out the name of the flick, but must leave some kind of subtle clue.

Go play. Now.

Buy Lo, Sell Heidi

With the stock market woes of the last several months, is it any wonder that people are turning to fantasy celebrity markets for "investment" purposes? Yes, it's Celebdaq, the market where you can trade shares of your favorite celebrities. However, I think somebody ought to warn investors of the irrational exuberance in the Michael Jackson shares.

Frivolous Lawsuits

A woman is suing Loews Cineplex for deceptive business practices for showing commercials that begin at the advertised movie showtime. I hate to say it, but I don't think that 3 minutes of commercials amount to deceptive business practices. I find those commercials as annoying as the next person. It pisses me off immensely that I pay to watch commercials. However the response is not a lawsuit. The response is to boycott movies until the chains stop showing commercials. Or simply live with it. Buyer power, baby, buyer power. It's about time Americans stopped suing each other at the drop of a hat. Although, it might be fun to sue people who file frivolous lawsuits to recoup tax dollars that go to wasted court time. Poetic justice.

Via Better Living Through Blogging

The Only Good Thing About "Joe Millionaire"

The finale got higher ratings than Michael Jackson.

A New Venue for SNL

I wonder if they'll sell "Candygram" panties.

This Must Have Been Faked

People couldn't actually be this stupid, could they?

"It's been a real roller-coaster ride," said a nervous Marriott as he finally leveled with Zora Andrich, the dark-haired, 29-year-old schoolteacher from New Jersey. "I've chosen you.

"There's been something else I'd like to say to you that's been really weighing on my nerves," he added. "I don't have $50 million. I don't have $50,000. I'm sorry I lied to you, but I wanted to find someone who loved me for who I am."

Her bright smile gone, Zora rolled her eyes, looked stricken and said nothing.

Would she show up in the ballroom later to accept his proposal?

Yes. Though confessing to regrets about Marriott's deception, "the good news is, I was really turned off by the fact that you inherited all that money.

Huh? "I lied about being rich knowing how there are women who will do anything to marry a guy who is incredibly wealthy including lying that they love him just so I could find someone who would love me for who I really am, which is someone who isn't rich." Okay.

And she was "really turned off by the fact" that he had inherited all that money? She went on national television to compete to marry a guy who had inherited all that money because it was a turn-off to her? Yeah, I'm always out there looking for guys who have attributes that really turn me off.

No way. It's all a set-up. Either they were all in on it from the start or they all went on TV hoping to start careers in show business. Hopefully this is only the kind of show you can do once. Please.

Living In A Fantasy World

Seems to me this guy could use the services of someone in his former profession.

Clooney Tunes

I'm a red-blooded American chick. Let's face it. George Clooney is drop dead gorgeous. At least he would be if he would just keep his mouth shut. Sigh.

Guardian reporter Sally Vincent has penned an ode to Clooney entitled "Pretty boys can think." I'm not sure how she ascertained that Clooney can think; she really didn't ask him any meaningful questions. She let him do some kind of stream of consciousness thing about his politics all the while playing the role of the fawning, giggling simp. And Clooney did come out with a few winners.

"The question is," he goes on, "do we go on murdering each other, or are we going to take time out to ask ourselves why we're so angry in the first place? I get mad at someone, then I find out more about why they did what they did to make me mad, and the anger disperses. We get angry because we don't have enough information."

Now perhaps had she decided to act like a journalist rather than a drooling school girl, she might have pressed him a little on this. Because that statement is one hell of an oversimplification. That kind of philosophy works well when the person you are dealing with is also acting in good faith. How George managed to become a Hollywood star without realizing that sometimes people don't act in good faith is beyond me.

Think about it. That's pretty much what Neville Chamberlain did with Hitler. "Gee, Adolf, I'm kind of mad at you for massing your troops along the Czech border so you can annex the Sudetenland. Why did you do something like that?" "Shucks, Neville, it's just that it used to be part of Germany and there are some German speakers there." "Oh, gosh, why didn't you say so! Go on, take it. I'm not mad at you any more." Little did Chamberlain know that Hitler had planned on retreating were he challenged, but on pressing forward with further invasions were he not challenged. In other words, he was not acting in good faith. Churchill, on the other hand, was more of a realist. He understood the game and uttered his famous words after Chamberlain's infamous "peace in our time" speech - "You were given the choice between war and dishonor. You chose dishonor and you will have war." Churchill understood, as did Hitler, that sometimes you have to stop the action first and understand later. Maybe Clooney understands that too and would have acknowledged that if challenged. But given some of his further remarks, I'm not sanguine.

"I'll tell you what'll happen some day," he says. "Some day, some point when we've had enough of the idea that we're going to win any fight by killing people, when we're willing to ask ourselves why we hate and why we're hated, we're going to get us a president who comes out on the Yes I Did It campaign. He's going to look back at where he's been and admit it. 'Yes, I slept with her.' And he's going to look where he's going. And one day he's going to say, listen, in 10 years' time cars won't work on the internal combustion engine. We'll all have electric cars. If their usefulness to us doesn't exist any more, we won't have to blow up Sudan or Iraq or Saudi Arabia or Libya. Take away the want. Go back to our proper position in the world, which ain't running it. Yup. That's it. Don't kill people. Drive electric cars."

It's a little hard to work out precisely what he means by this mish-mosh. If I had been the reporter, I might have managed to do something more useful than bleat out "O Captain! My Captain!" like some poor man's Walt Whitman. Ms. Vincent, however, proves incapable of doing more than that. Unless he really is stupid enough to mean that if we all drove electric cars there wouldn't be terrorism. That's just downright amazingly dumb, though. If we didn't need oil, the Middle Eastern countries would be more poverty-stricken than they are now. Not surprisingly to some of us, terrorism is linked to poverty. Therefore eliminating our need for oil, while it is a fine idea and will allow us to act more independently from the Middle Eastern countries, will not necessarily endear us to them.

You run into a nice little Catch-22 under that scenario, which the pretty boy didn't think about. Right now many Muslims feel as if we use our influence to control their countries because of their oil. This pisses them off. However if we didn't need their oil, we wouldn't be giving them money. Then they would feel as if we weren't using our vast wealth to assist them with their poverty. Which would piss them off. If we did use our vast wealth to assist them with their poverty, they'd feel as if we were using our assistance to control them. Which would piss them off. You see where I'm going? Until those countries are self-sustaining or until we no longer control vast monetary resources, they're going to be pissed off at us. Are there things we can do to mitigate that? Of course. Is driving electric cars one of them? No, don't think so.

I have some hope, though, that he found Ms. Vincent as annoying as I did. He played a rather juvenile practical joke on her.

I forgot, too, that while we set the world to rights, I'd taken what Americans call a bathroom break. I ran both ways. He couldn't have been alone for more than two minutes. When I got back, he was chuckling to himself. He said he'd been playing with my tape-recorder and had left me a special message on it, hee-hee-hee. Next day, odd things started to happen. I found a teaspoon in the rubbish at the bottom of the receptacle I am pleased to call my handbag. Then another spoon. Then a pair of sugar tongs. God knows how they got there. And then I came upon my special message: "I'll be warning the maitre d' that a woman has been stealing the silverware."

Serves the silly cow right. Too bad the maitre d' didn't try to stop her.

Via Little Green Footballs

Oh For Christo's Sake Part II

A less than avid reader of this blog finally got around to talking to me about the Christo story I blogged about earlier. He came up with another idea that I liked so much that I have almost forgiven him for not reading my blog regularly. His idea was that we should have Christo wrap Mayor Mike in 23 miles of orange fabric. Now that's something I can definitely get behind!

She's Got A Secret Too

By now we all know that Joe Millionaire is keeping a secret from the women trying to land him - he's not a millionaire at all. Apparently though one of his potential paramours has been keeping a secret of her own - she starred in dozens of bondage and fetish films under the pseudonym Cindy Schubert. Isn't that kind of boring? Shouldn't her pseudonym have been something more titillating, like Tymi Upp or Lacey Chaynes?

(Hat tip to Justin)

National Geographic Swimsuit Issue

Yes it's true. National Geographic is going to publish a swimsuit issue. But before you gentlemen of a certain age get too excited, remembering those halcyon days of yore, eagerly thumbing through the pages to catch glimpses of nearly nekkid women, this swimsuit issue is a little different. This will be a history of the swimsuit, featuring 100 years of swimsuits. It will have pictures of the swimsuits people used to wear which covered more of them than today's every day fashions do. But fear not. it will be brought into the modern day. So there will still be some titillation.

Oh for Christo's Sake!

Mad Mike Bloomberg strikes again. He has agreed to allow artists Christo and Jeanne-Claude to put up a 23-mile fluttering orange sculpture in New York City's Central Park.

"I predict, whether they love this temporary work of art or not, New Yorkers will certainly make 'The Gates' a very popular topic of conversation," Bloomberg said at a news conference.

Mad Mike also predicts that the work will generate $72 million to $136 million in economic activity through attracting tourists. I know we need the tax revenue. New York State is currently facing a $12 billion budget gap. But Christo? Fluttering orange fabric sculptures? Sigh.

Unreality TV

What's the only thing worse than watching a bunch of whiny 20-something-year-olds sharing a house together? Watching a bunch of whiny ex-celebrities sharing a house together. Yet this is the premise of the new WB program "The Surreal Life." I saw the last 10 minutes of it last night while waiting for "Charmed" to start. Oh.My.G_d. What were they thinking?

I have no idea why WB calls these people B-list celebs. Even a B-list celeb wouldn't be caught dead on this dog of a show. The cast list:

Corey Feldman (could he have been more obnoxious?)
Vince Neil (I don't even know who he is, but by definition he was the man I didn't recognize)
Emmanuel Lewis (he was pretty quiet, probably wondering why he agreed to it)
M.C. Hammer (he was pretending to be the wise old man of the group)
Brande Roderick (who?)
Gabrielle Carteris (she looked faintly disgusted with everyone else)
Jerri Manthey (she was loud, but I had never heard of her before)

These are people who don't even have careers anymore, so they do not qualify for even the C-list, let alone the B-list. The supposed big drama of the show - Will Corey marry his girlfriend on the last episode or not. Yawn. The real big drama, IMO, is how the others are going to stop themselves from killing him. All I know is I won't be tuning in to find out.

Happy Christmas to all...

and to all a good night. I just finished watching Peter, Paul, And Mary's Holiday Concert on PBS, and it brought me back to a galaxy far, far away.

One where it seemed the term 'peace on earth' had some hope of occurring. It was nice. I miss it.

"The Two Towers" Protest

I was reading John Hawkins' Right Wing News, when I caught sight of his Dumb Website of the Day: The Two Towers Protest Site. They are protesting the second installment of the LOTR trilogy being named "The Two Towers."

The Two Towers Protest Organization ( www.twotowersprotest.org ) is made up of a group of like minded individuals who were greatly affected by the events that transpired on Sept 11th 2001. The owner of this website considers himself to be a facilitator for the sentiments which have already been expressed by people such as Kevin Klerck who set up the two towers petition on petitiononline.com.

I don't typically get into this, because I don't believe that the very direct impact the 9/11 attack had on me gives me any more standing to comment on it than anyone else. We were all affected by it. However, as this group has used it presumably as giving them greater authority to speak on the issue of sensitivity, I believe it is fair of me to use it in critique.

I worked on the 96th floor of Tower One of the World Trade Center until the day terrorists crashed a plane into the very floors I and my colleagues worked on. I was not in my office when the plane hit. Had I been, I would be dead. No one who was on any of our floors in Tower One when the attack occurred survived. Fortunately all our colleagues from our sister companies who worked in Tower Two did survive. Not one of them listened to the admonition to go back to their desks. All in all, my company lost over 300 people that day. I knew about 100 of them, some quite well. I think it's fair to say that I was "greatly affected by the events that transpired on Sept 11th 2001." I grieve along with the members of this group. I am inexpressibly sorry for their losses. It was a tragic, horrible, senseless thing to live through.

Nevertheless, I cannot agree with them that "The Two Towers" should have been renamed. I cannot agree with them when they say "We believe that Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema's actions are in fact hate speech. The movie is intentionally being named The Two Towers in order to capitalize on the tragedy of September 11. Clearly, you cannot deny the fact that this falls under hate speech. We believe that if they will not willingly change the name, the government should step in to stop the movie's production or to force a name change." In fact, that accusation is demonstrably false. The movie was completed before the attacks ever occurred. All three films in the trilogy were completed at the same time. Principal filming was finished in January, 2001, 9 months before the attacks. The names simply coincide with the names of the books, as was intended from the beginning of the project. When filming began in 1999, it was already known what the three movies would be called.

But even if that were not the case, the film was still named after a book which was written over 50 years ago. We cannot be forever sheltered from reminders of those events. Even if the name of the movie were changed, and Jackson did consider it last year (he decided against it because he understood that Tolkien enthusiasts would be upset if he did), the book is still in mass publication. Every time we walk into a bookstore, we run the risk of seeing it. Especially around the release time of any of the movies. The world goes on. Life goes on. People will talk about the attack. Books have been and will continue to be written about it. Eventually a movie will be made about it. There will always be reminders. We should not seek to prevent these things. Sensitivity is fine, but life must go on. We must let it. If we do not, we will doom ourselves for the sake of sensitivity.

Osama Claus

I know that I've often looked at images of Santa and remarked to myself, "Wow, he's got a beard; hey, he's like Osama Bin Laden." Okay, you caught me. I've never actually thought that. However, a British playwright has. In his new play, he sets Bin Laden as a mall Santa in Florida, and lets him ponder on all the reasons he hates America.

"Bin Laden" explains it like this in the play: "The military industrial complex demands that economic spending is an imperative. After the war on communism as the pre text, we now have the war on terrorism ..."

The playwright insists he's not trying to glorify Bin Laden, just understand how someone could hate that much. Whatever floats your boat, guy, but Santa?

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Wow.

Remind Me Not to Sit Near Any Kids...

...when I go see "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets."

They Probably Made More from Selling the Story...

Two sisters in a London restaurant lent singer Madonna 2 pounds to buy a slice of cake for her son.

Bill Wyman²

I've been considering writing a piece on what I think is wrong with the way intellectual property is currently viewed. After reading this article, I am definitely going to get busy on it. Former Rolling Stones' guitarist Bill Wyman's lawyers have contacted a journalist named Bill Wyman threatening "legal action" over the use of the name. Of course, the journalist's name is Bill Wyman, so basically they are threatening to sue this guy for using his own name. Well, they do say that he could continue to use it if he could prove that he had come by it legally and included a disclaimer in everything he wrote that he is not "the" Bill Wyman. How awfully big of them.

UPDATE: I'm still planning on writing that piece, but feel terribly humbled in the face of this letter Groucho Marx wrote to Warner Brothers after they threatened legal action to prevent the Marx Brothers from releasing the film "A Night in Casablanca."

Victoria's Not Secret

In another example of why it's better for these large corporations to stop suing the small guy, Victoria's Secret is suing a small adult novelty store in Elizabethtown, KY called Victor's Little Secret. Victoria's Secret claims that the store is hurting its trademark. Apparently escaping the geniuses behind this suit is that no one outside of the 34 or so people that live in Elizabethtown KY has ever heard of this store. Until now. Maybe it should sue itself for hurting its trademark instead.

By the way, this case is now being heard by the Supreme Court. Of the United States. We'll have to wait to see how they rule, but from comments made in the article, it doesn't look good for Victoria.

What, No Picketers?

Director Lee Gordon Demarbre is upset that his film, "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter," isn't raising ire among bible thumpers. The film, a musical about Jesus' second coming and battle with kung fu vampires, was recently screened in Salt Lake City and didn't receive one protest. In fact, Demarbre has only received one piece of hate mail. His hopes are not completely dashed, however. There's still the official video release and art house tour.

S&M Barbie

A U.S. District Judge allowed a patent infringement suit by Mattel against a British dollmaker to go forward today, but said there wasn't sufficient evidence for the company to win. The dollmaker dressed Barbie in a "lederhosen-style Bavarian bondage dress and helmet in rubber with PVC-mask," according to the ruling. The judge oddly seemed to think that this didn't present any threat to Barbie sales, since the likes of FAO Schwarz wouldn't be stocking it for the kiddies. I guess Barbie's Dream Dungeon wouldn't go over well with parents.

2002 hasn't been the best year for Mattel in terms of its patent infringement lawsuits. Over the summer it lost a suit against Danish pop group Aqua for the song "Barbie Girl." Mattel probably would have had a better case had it filed a lawsuit for psychological damages. How anyone could listen to a song with a faux Ken singing "Come on Barbie, let's go party," and not be damaged is beyond me.

USA Networks + NYC Mayor = Canada?

USA Networks has started filming a movie about former NYC mayor Rudy Giuliani in Canada? I thought it was bad enough that quintessential New York sitcoms Seinfeld and Friends were filmed in Hollywood.

Introducing...

my Mom! Yes, my Mom has now been given posting rights here at Plum Crazy. She will be posting under the very cleverly disguised pseudonym of Mom.

My Mom loves to e-mail articles to people, so I tried to convince her to have her own blog. She didn't want to do that, so I decided to enable her to post here. My Mom and I frequently disagree about matters political, so her posts do not necessarily reflect the views of the Management. But you all better be nice to her because she is, after all, my Mom.

A Real Fashion Statement

According to store owner Billy Tsangares, Americans "have been looking for things to make a statement about" and have settled on this one: Free Winona. What started as a joke has blossomed into serious business, and Tsangares even has a website with a daily trial blog devoted to this: www.freewinona.com. People are actually buying these things. I wonder how sympathetic they'd be if it were a non-celebrity. In a truly ironic twist, Saks, the store she was arrested for stealing from, has expressed interest in selling a version of the line after the trial! Anything for a buck, I guess.

A visit to his website shows that Mr. Tsangares not only wishes us to buy t-shirts to free shoplifting actresses but also to free insider-trading domestic goddesses. Yes, he also has a Free Martha line. Thank G_d someone is looking out for the poor, downtrodden celebrity in this country!

R.I.P....

...to Run-DMC Jam Master Jay, who was murdered in a Queens recording studio on Wednesday night. A sad day.

Happy Halloween!

In honor of the holiday, a little sound clip from Count Floyd. Oooh, boys and girls, isn't that scary?

What Better Way...

...to inaugurate my blog than with a jab at the French? A tradition so time-honored and enjoyable that it ought to be an Olympic sport. But on to the jab.

Someone brought the movie The Day The Clown Cried to my attention. Starring, written and directed by Jerry Lewis, this movie was never released. It tells the tale of a German clown used by the Nazis to lure children to their deaths. As I was pondering the never-released status of this flick, it occurred to me that it would probably do well in France. Just think -- Jerry Lewis and Nazis. It's a French fantasy!