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I Suck

After a bout of bad behavior*, I'm grounding myself from the Internets for bit.

Don't let it all go to hell without me!

*Start at that comment and scroll up to the two prior.

Learning German the Natural Berlitz Way

Today, while finishing up Lesson 2 (Übung Nr. 2), I learned a very important fact.

Das ist weder der Hut noch der Mantel. Das ist die Hose.
That is neither the hat nor the overcoat. That is the trousers.

Whew! I'd been confused on that point for a while. I was wondering why everyone was looking at me funny for my choice of headgear.

Quote of the Undetermined Time Period

Good name in man and woman, dear my lord,
Is the immediate jewel of their souls:
Who steals my purse steals trash; 'tis something, nothing;
'Twas mine, 'tis his, and has been slave to thousands;
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him
And makes me poor indeed.

William Shakespeare, "Othello", Act 3 scene 3

You Say It's Your Birthday

Why, yes. Yes, I do. Despite my advancing age, I still love birthdays. People give you things. For free. What's not to love?

I kicked it off last night by attending Tartfest, a dinner with other NYC area bloggers and Shakes Sis' commenters. Much fun was had by all. This, of course, means my blogroll has expanded once again. I have one absolute rule about my blogroll - If I've met someone, they get added to the blogroll. I picked this up from Elayne, because I thought it was a great idea. So new to the blogroll are:

Some Watery Tart from Tart Juice aka our fine organizer
Jon the Space Cowboy from Pure and Easy
Toast from Two Glasses
Steve the Disgruntled Chemist

Also at the dinner last night were regular Shakers Maurinsky and Angelos, as well as Lisa, Erica, Tracy, Amy, and Sean. We went to a crowded Greek restaurant, but the food was good. Taramosolata, a taste treat to which A introduced me.

That rumor you may have heard about me being a total lightweight when it comes to alcohol? True. I almost never drink, so two drinks, and I'm a wee bit hungover. But A is taking me out for brunch and dinner. Whee! Fortunately I'm not that hungover.

Later!

Question for the Audience

Lesley - Left fringe: Yes or no. Discuss.

Some things to keep in mind. My social politics are fairly well discussed on this blog. My fiscal politics? Less so. Things to remember that may give you some clues on the less-discussed issues. I have an MBA in Finance from NYU. I work as a business unit CFO.

Go!

I Am Spartacus

In solidarity with Shakespeare's Sister, who resigned yesterday from her position with the Edwards' campaign. I am Spartacus!

Via drifty. If you have a blog, join in!

I Am So Over Myself Right Now*

I spent a large part of the day dealing with some racist crap in a comments thread on Feministe. Which just totally made me cranky. And I'm lucky, because racist shit like that only makes me cranky, but has no significant direct negative impact on my life.

So why do I bring that up? Because then I got all weird about a comment I left over at Ilyka's. No, you can't read the original, because I deleted it. I thought the first paragraph was too snarky. Really, it probably wasn't, but my perspective isn't on tonight. But not before someone responded to it, and then Ilyka said she liked it, and then I wound up posting like three comments in a row, so now I feel totally dorky.

So I'm totally over myself right now. I think I'm leaving the intertubes for the night (I know, I say that now...). I TiVoed "Heroes" earlier anyway. Mmm, Mohinder.

Wee, Sleekit, Cow'rin, Tim'rous Beasties

Two animal-related quizzes via Shakespeare's Sister.

Which famous feline are you?

You're Hobbes. First of all, the makers of this quiz would like to congratulate you. You have our seal of approval. You are kind, intelligent, loving, and good-humoredly practical. You're proud of who you are. At the same time, you're tolerant of those who lack your clearsightedness. You're always playful, but never annoying. For these traits, you are well-loved, and with good cause.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

What mythical beast are you?

You're a pegasus. You're very calm and loving. Something about you makes others want to get close to you, whether or not you feel the same way about them. You don't bond to others easily, but when you do it's long-lasting. Your alignment is good, but not so much that you can't have fun.
Take this quiz!

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Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

I Am Cranky!

I've spent the day alternately decluttering the apartment and dealing with deliberately obtuse commenters in the comments section to this post at Feministe. While decluttering is good in the long-run (or even tomorrow), my back hurts now!

As for the commenters -- Aargh! We were discussing rape laws which state that an intoxicated person is unable to consent to sex. Now, please note that these laws only apply when a person presses charges. Not under any other circumstances. Needless to say, some commenters (I believe all of them are men, although I'm unsure about one of them) started stringing together fake scenarios. "OMG, you're saying that all sex while drunk is rape!" "How can you be comfortable passing a law that makes it illegal for you to have sex while drunk!" "The cops will start rounding up anyone whose had sex while drunk!" Dealing with that kind of idiocy makes me cranky, dammit! Sure, these kinds of laws already exist. Sure, no state has started rounding up people who had sex while drunk. Sure, none of them state that it's illegal to have sex while drunk. Sure, no one ever said that all drunken sex was rape. Sadly, none of that impinges on the consciousness of those raising these fake scenarios.

I'm cranky, I tell you!

This Might Explain My Fascination with Darth Vader

Your Birthdate: February 25

You excel at anything difficult or high tech. In other words, you're a total (brilliant) geek. It's difficult for you to find people worth spending time with. Which is probably why you'll take over the world with your evil robots! Your strength: Your unfailing logic Your weakness: Loving machines more than people Your power color: Tan Your power symbol: Pi Your power month: July

Via Feministe

An Open Letter to my Family and Friends

If you're not a member of my family or one of my friends, feel free not to go below the jump.

I love you all dearly, but there is one thing you must stop. Now. I regret ever mentioning to you that A and I are going to Paris next week. There are things that people do in Paris other than elope or get engaged.

I was very excited about going to Paris with him, but you are all doing your unintentional level best to ruin it for me. Because when I discuss it with you, and the "elopement" or "engagement" question gets, inevitably, raised, I feel like I'm disappointing you when I tell you that we are not eloping, nor will we getting engaged. I feel like somehow I'm failing at what I am constantly reminded must be my central mission in life as a woman - to get married.

I have accomplished quite a bit in my life. I have a bachelor's degree and an MBA. Both with distinction. I spent a month in France in high school, and a trimester at Cambridge in college. I have a very successful career. I'm always there for all of you when you really need me.

I do have a wonderful boyfriend, whom I love very much and who loves me. Maybe we will get married some day. Maybe we won't. I don't know. I hope we will, but I don't know. But if we do, I will be doing it for me. So leave us to work it out on our schedule. If it becomes a problem for me, I will let you know. It is not a problem for me right now. So stop making it one.

Lesley

Blogger Barbecue

I went to the blogger barbecue held in honor of Roxanne of Rox Populi. It was great to meet Roxanne, who is one of my regular blog visits. She attended with her husband, Earl, and her friend, Jean Denis.

The barbecue was held at the home of our very gracious hostess, Julia of Sisyphus Shrugged. Much fun was had by all. And by all, I mean a lot of bloggers! I got to meet a lot of other people I read regularly.

First, I have met Julia and Elayne of Pen-Elayne once before, but it was great to see them again.

I also got to meet zuzu of Feministe, who is one of my favorite bloggers. I am really looking forward to her eventual return to blogging.

Scott Lemieux of Lawyers Guns and Money and now TAPPED too. It was great meeting him, as I've long been a fan of his posts on feminism, as well as other topics. But his posts on reproductive rights are, for me, especially great.

Lindsey Beyerstein of Majikthise was there. I didn't really get a chance to talk to her, which is largely a function of my massive introversion. She is a daily read of someone special to me, so hopefully I'll get more of a chance to do so at a future blogger thing. At any rate, Lindsey will be added to my list of regular reads too.

Mad Kane was there, which was a great treat. She's one of the first bloggers I ever came across, and one of the first to link me. She's funny in person as well as in blog. I spent a good deal of time talking with her husband too, as we are in similar fields.

Alon Levy. I recognized his name from his regular comments on Trish Wilson's blog. So it turns out Alon has his own blog, Abstract Nonsense.

Seth the talking dog was there. I have read his blog previously, so it was fun to put a face to the blog.

A non-blogger whom I especially enjoyed meeting was Julia's friend Carla. I hope I get to meet her again, as I had a really great conversation with her.

Julia's brother, pka Uncle Procrustes, was there. I met him once before at the NTodd thing. He's always a good person to have a discussion with, even if I didn't know he was a blogger.

Lastly, there were a few other people who may or may not be bloggers. One couple was named Steve and Lydia. I'm not sure if they're bloggers or not. There was also Barbara and her family. Not sure if Barbara is a blogger either. I didn't get a chance to really talk to any of them, but they all seemed like quite nice people.

I didn't break out the camera to take any pictures, but Elayne did. Hopefully she'll post some of them soon, and I'll throw up a link to them. She may or may not have taken a picture of me eating cheese and crackers, but I guess I'll find out soon enough!

UPDATE: Elayne did post the photos, and yes there is one of me eating cheese and crackers. With my eyes closed. Fortunately Elayne knows more people than I do, so yes, Steve blogs at No More Mister Nice Blog and Barbara is Barb of Mahablog.

Inspired by Andy

And the number one threat to the nation is...

See World Wide Rant for source of inspiration.

Threatdown Generator via Pen-Elayne.

It's Like Reality Television!

So thanks to Ilyka, I am currently totally fascinated by the blog feud between TBogg and Patterico. This is what I get for taking a day off work. I was considering going to see Pirates of the Caribbean and basking in the utter over-the-topness of Johnny Depp, but this has engrossed me!

Some good things that have come out of this fascination.

1. The comments to this post over at Sadly, No! Some nutter signing his comments The OJ Simpson Case was littering the comments with ridiculous accusations against Patterico. This spawned an entire set of allusions to other legal cases, which then led to all kinds of references to fictional conflicts (e.g., Godzilla v. Mothra). I could just keep reading that comments section and get more entertainment than I have had in the past week.

2. The above-referenced comments section contains one of the silliest mistaken identity occurrences, in which Patterico is said to be a member of The Eagles. Not on purpose, but it was pretty damn funny. To me.

3. My newfound knowledge that norbizness is also The Left. Which is a total relief to me, because I've spent years wondering who The Left was and how to find him or her. I mean, I kept reading over and over how The Left does this and The Left does that, and I just didn't know whom to hold accountable. Now if I can just track down The Right...

Some bad things that have come out of this fascination.

1. I swear, if I read another comment about how someone is a "pussy" or "a fucking girl" or a reference to Michelle Malkin as a "whore" (the last one is in the URL and references Malkin's site)... Aside from the obvious implication that women are weak and/or cowards, which is really what pisses me off, I have a few other issues with it.

I would bet that 90+% of the men who refer to other men as "pussies" have expended a reasonable amount of effort in their lives trying to get some, so WTF is up with that? I mean, really. Dissonance, much? Ditto that for "a fucking girl". How many times did the guy who made that comment wish he could find one? Maybe never, as he might be gay (and with a name like Clarke, I am assuming he's a man), but odds are against it.

Plus, do not MAKE me defend Michelle Malkin. I'm begging you, people. It is possible to criticize women in non-sexual ways. Try it some time. Not liking a woman's politics does not make her a whore.

2. The whole "blogging pseudonymously" makes you a coward thing. I really hate that. I'll grant you it's not precisely what Patterico said, but what he did say isn't really any better. What he more or less said is that accusing other bloggers who don't blog pseudonymously of being cowards or mocking the appearance of bloggers who don't blog pseudonymously while blogging pseudonymously yourself is cowardly. Sorry, I don't buy it, and it does play into the overall blogging pseudonymously is cowardly thing.

If you accuse someone of being a coward for reasons totally unrelated to the name under which they blog, it doesn't matter whether or not you blog under your real name. Either the person is a coward for the reasons stated or they aren't. Under no circumstance does your willingness to blog under your full name make a difference to that argument. Obviously if someone who blogs under a pseudonym accuses someone else of being a coward for doing the same thing, then that is relevant. But that wasn't what happened in the (completely unrelated to TBogg) case that Patterico mentions. He was pissed off because somone named Retardo accused Jeff Goldstein of being a "chickenhawk coward". Obviously a reference to Goldstein's position on the war in Iraq. Either the case against Goldstein stands on the grounds of his being in favor of the war in Iraq or it doesn't. [Personally, I'm not a proponent of the chickenhawk argument.] It does not matter that Retardo chooses not to blog under his/her own name.

As for the whole mocking someone else's appearance thing, there are two problems with that. One is the, I believe, unintentional implication that somehow it would be less offensive if one mocked the appearance of someone who blogged under a pseudonym. Which is patently BS. Speaking as someone who doesn't blog under my full name and has had my appearance mocked (and only by men who didn't even know what I looked like, mind you), it is absolutely just as offensive. I defy anyone to say that the asshole who once felt the need to inform me that "fat chicks also get raped" (no, really, Sherlock) was somehow less of an asshole than he would have been if I used my full name. We all know that's BS.

The other problem is the implication that mocking someone's appearance would be less disgusting if you did it while blogging under your full name. That's BS too. Really, why would it be? Yes, you can hold someone more accountable for their actions if they blog under their own name, but that would lead to a whole host of offline consequences that really shouldn't be faced by the vast majority of bloggers. No one deserves to be harassed at home for mocking someone's appearance. Anyone who does something for which they do deserve offline consequences (as in, be arrested or legitimately sued) can almost always be forced to suffer them regardless of whether they blog under their full name or not. ISPs have records of their customers for just those reasons. Those are matters, however, which should be left in the hands of the justice system, not hordes of blog commenters.

There are very legitimate reasons* why people do choose to blog pseudonymously. Ilyka once posted a very compelling reason why she does. As for myself, look, over my years online, I have been subjected to various unpleasant sexual remarks. While I recognize that the risk is low that one of those freaks might actually decide to track me down and act upon them, it's just not a risk I'm willing to accept. If anyone really believes I'm a coward for that, well, I don't have much flattering to say about them either. Especially since I know that if it did happen, at least some of those very same people would spout victim-blaming BS about my being "stupid" enough to blog under my full name as a woman. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I choose being damned if I don't. Which is not to say that I see anything wrong with women (or men) who do. It's a personal choice and in no way excuses anything that might happen.

*To be really honest, just feeling like it is a legitimate reason, IMO. FFS, this is blogging. Most of the time, it's just not all that serious, massive blogger egos notwithstanding.

UPDATE: OK, I badly worded that whole thing about why ISPs have records of their customers. Obviously they have records so they can bill them. However, they can be required to turn those records over when someone has done something for which they can be arrested or sued.

ANOTHER UPDATE: OMG, best conflict reference at a Sadly, No! thread or possibly anywhere! "Your Ass v. A Hole In the Ground". I swear, I'm still laughing! Because, yes, I am that childish.

Revenge of the 80s!

OK, so I totally have to concede that "We Built This City" wins for worst 80s song. Or, perhaps, just worst song ever. And Ilyka already posted "Japanese Boy" But, still, no reliving of the bad 80s is complete without this classic (and yet, I like this damn song. Hush):

Or, who can forget this one, even as much as we'd all like to:

Or:

And the final selection in this countdown (ooooh, bad, bad pun):

If Subway Ads Can Be Trusted...

...I'm a Mitchum Man!

Seriously, there's an ad on the subway that reads "If you give up your seat to a pregnant woman... You're a Mitchum Man." Well, I give up my seat to pregnant women. Ergo, I must be a Mitchum Man. Which is odd, because I never thought I was any kind of man.*

*I'm pretty sure this would shock my boyfriend too.

Comments Update

I have contacted Hosting Matters Technical Support to see if they will re-enable commenting on the blog(s). In order to get this done, I have enabled Typekey authentication. This means, anyone wanting to comment will have to register for a Typekey account. I apologize for any inconvenience, but I'm not sure how else to stop the comment spam flooding that led to comments being disabled in the first place.

UPDATE: Comments are back up, but with the aforementioned registration requirement.

Comments Are Totally Down

My hosting service has completely disabled comments. I will see what I can do to fix the problem over the next several days, but comments will likely be down until early next week.

Sorry. If you desperately need to say something to me, send me an e-mail.

Comments Issue

In an effort to reduce spam, as my hosting company was disabling comments due to the volume of spam I was receiving (MT junked it all, so it didn't appear on the blog, but it was hitting the server), I have installed a new plugin. However, it has the unintended consequence of making commenting only possible by using the pop-up comment box. So if you wish to comment for now, please click on Crazy Talk. You won't be able to post a comment from the individual entry page.

Sorry for the inconvenience. I'll see what I can do to fix that.

An Attempt to Distract Myself from the Rout that is the Yankees/Red Sox Game

A rather silly, navel-gazing exercise in which I attempt to aid Googlers in their quests.

1. Q: Who sang the song "Crazy"?
   A: Patsy Cline
   
2. Q: Kick-Ass Movie Quotes?
   A: "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum." - Rowdy Roddy Piper in They Live.
   
3. Q: What Yankees fans know that Red Sox fans won't admit?
   A: That the Red Sox suck. This is a tautology.
   
4. Q: About the London Bridge?
   A: It's now in Arizona.
   
5. Q: That's the night that the lights went out?
   A: In Georgia.
   
6. Q: Skeletors Castle?
   A: Snake Mountain
   
7. Q: Ross Bagdasarian?
   A: The genius behind Alvin & the Chipmunks, aka David Seville. He also wrote "Come On A My House".
   
8. Q: Bernie Ebbers?
   A: Is no longer a free man.
   
9. Q: Prudence, indeed, will dictate that relationships long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, whil...
   A: You want the Declaration of Independence, not a blog.
   
10. Q: Is this enough "assistance" yet?
    A: It is for now.

Q1 Dead Pool Stats

Well, my last two posts came down to the wire in the blogging requirement for this year's Dead Pool, but I managed them all.

Adler, Steven
Biggs, Ronnie
Castro, Fidel
Douglas, Kirk
Galbraith, John Kenneth
Getty, Estelle
Hamilton, Scott
Heston, Charlton
Ho, Don
Hussein, Saddam
Johnson, Lady Bird
King Sihanouk of Cambodia
Knievel, Evel
LaRouche, Lyndon
Shriver, Eunice Kennedy

Even though my last two waited until the last week, I'm still doing better than some.

Searchers I Love; Searchers I Loathe

I am proud to be the 4th entry in a Google search for red sox fans classless. These are searchers I love.

On the other hand, how I ever got to be the top result of a Google search for clemens piazza wallpaper is beyond me. I'd be hard-pressed to think of two ballplayers I like less. In fact, Roger Clemens is the ballplayer I least like. Yes, yes, awesome pitcher. Still don't like him. These are searchers I loathe.

Another Round of Search Results!

I'm tired. I had to work late. I have to be up very early. I received the DVD of the second season of Arrested Development today. So rather than blog anything meaningful, I'm going to play a round of Search Results!

Someone joins us today by searching for I am feminists. Well, at any rate, I am a feminist. I'm not plural.

Another feminism-related search: feminist beliefs with housework. Yes, feminist beliefs now come with housework! Actually, they never came without it. There is nothing in feminism that says women shouldn't do housework. We don't all live like slobs, you know. The general idea was that men and women should SHARE in housework.

Raging red rodent? I'm not sure I want to know.

Toys r Us Easter Commercial. Why? Oh why must you remind me of that damn commercial. Now I'll have Peter Cottontail running through my head. Damn you!

Until later! Off to enjoy Arrested Development.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it!

For a few Christmas songs, click on the wreath above.

Speaking of Security

You may have noticed or will soon notice that I put a security code on the comments section (aka CAPTCHA). Sorry. I just got tired of dealing with comment spam, but didn't want to go all the way to requiring registration to comment. This seemed like a reasonable compromise.

At Least the Picture Isn't of Boy George

Does this mean I get to wear a really cool long leather duster? Because I'm down with that.

Androgynous You scored 63 masculinity and 66 femininity!

You scored high on both masculinity and femininity. You have a strong personality exhibiting characteristics of both traditional sex roles.

Via Rox Populi

About Comments

I just deleted a long, rambling comment which had absolutely nothing to do with the entry it was posted to. I can only think that it is probably a spam comment that was posted to a lot of blogs at the same time, even though it wasn't the typical spam comment advertising other websites. Not to mention the fact that the comment was anti-Christian and anti-Semitic.

So let's make this clear. Comments should be relevant to the entry they are posted to. If the entry is about the Cowboy Junkies, the comment should be about, you know, the Cowboy Junkies or other bands. Not a diatribe about how evil Jesus was and how the Jews are pulling the strings. And not for nothing, but any comments like that will just be deleted anyway. Period, the end. If someone wants to rant about that, they should get their own damn blog. I don't hold by talk like that. Not in my house, whether it be real or virtual.

The Meme's the Thing

You are a Gender Nazi. Your boundary-crossing
lifestyle inspires awe in your friends and
colleagues. Or maybe they're just scared you
will kick their asses for using gender-specific
language. Either way, the wife-beater helps.


What kind of postmodernist are you!?
brought to you by Quizilla

Look, I totally object to the use of the term "wife-beater". Besides, I wouldn't be caught dead in one!

Via UnSpecified Chatter

Tis the Season...

...to do budgets! Long rambling post to follow.

This was the first semi-normal day I've had in weeks. I wasn't working ridiculous hours. I wasn't working all day (like I did yesterday). I had a 9 am conference call, but that was the end of the work I had to do today.

What a great day to not have to work. The weather was fabulous. Real beautiful fall weather. New York City is really at its best during the fall. The crisp weather truly suits it. I met a friend for lunch. We then walked around, heading down to Union Square. We went into the Barnes & Noble, where I was very happy to see that Gregory Maguire had a new novel out. "Son of a Witch" is the sequel to "Wicked", one of my favorite pieces of modern fiction. In fact, with the death of Robertson Davies some 10 years ago, Gregory Maguire has become my favorite modern author. He's an excellent writer and a storyteller both (with the exception of "Lost", which I am willing to consider an anomaly).

Speaking of books, I'm currently struggling through "Portrait of a Killer: Jack the Ripper Case Closed". I normally love Patricia Cornwell, primarily because I do have a morbid fascination with the psychology of serial killers. If I didn't have such a problem dealing with blood and death, I might have become either a forensic pathologist or a profiler. However, this book is just poor. When she actually writes about the scientific evidence tying her suspect to the crimes, it's quite fascinating. However too much of the book is spent in idle speculation. Paraphrasing - "I don't know if Sickert gambled. But I have no reason to believe he did not." If you don't have any evidence on way or the other, why mention it? I suppose the pure scientific evidence (paper samples, writing analysis) wasn't enough to fill a book any publisher would deign to publish. Nonetheless, reading this book has given me an interest in seeing the paintings of Walter Sickert, an artist with whom I was not previously familiar. I understand they are quite grotesque, but I would be interested to see how much they do, in fact, match the murders of Jack the Ripper.

Ha! Falco's "Der Kommissar" just popped up on my iTunes! I love that song. Is it sad that I scoured the web to find an mp3 of it to download? I vastly prefer his German version to the English version performed by After the Fire. "Alles klar, Herr Kommissar?"

So what fun things have you all been up to this weekend?

Whew! I Can Still Do 8th Grade Math

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!

Via feministe. But I'm not going to draw the pig, because I don't draw particularly well using a mouse.

The Blogosphere Division Series Scorecard

And Laurence has it. So if you're wondering who your favorite bloggers are rooting for in the Division Series, go check it out.

So, what do you think gave it away that I was rooting for the Yankees?

We Take Stupid Online Quizzes!

Shocking, I think, no one.

You are a Social Liberal (86% permissive) and an... Economic Conservative (76% permissive) You are best described as a: Libertarian Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid

Via Andy

Call Me Honest Abe

I could have pocketed an extra $20 at Rite Aid this afternoon. I requested the maximum in cash back - $40 - and was given $60. Being the honest soul that I am, I pointed out the error to the clerk. What a swell guy, huh?

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Nice post from Michele on the situation in New Orleans. Long, but well said and compassionate.

Remember, whatever you can do to help, please do so. In fact, Michele is taking up a collection of school supplies to ship to the Astrodome. If you can or wish to donate, she takes PayPal.

Days of 49

You can always use a meme to take your mind off things.

Seven by seven.

Seven things I plan to do before I die.

1. Visit the town in Austria my father was born in.
   
2. Go to Angkor Wat.
   
3. Read "Crime and Punishment", as I've never actually been able to get through the damn thing.
   
4. Buy a Marc Jacobs handbag.
   
5. Drive Route 66, and play every version of the song I can find during the trip.
   
6. Tour Egypt.
   
7. Really learn swing dance.

Seven things I can do.

1. Math in my head.
   
2. Type about 100 words per minute.
   
3. Draw a really good version of Marvelous Mark from Doonesbury. The old Marvelous Mark from the 1970s, that is.
   
4. Remember song lyrics really well.
   
5. Quote "The Holy Grail" chapter and verse.
   
6. Put together crappy pre-built furniture from Ikea all by my lonesome.
   
7. Program a VCR, for all the good that does me these days.

Seven things I cannot do.

1. Sing well.
   
2. Wean myself off artificial sweeteners.
   
3. Stop feeling guilty.
   
4. Avoid blogging memes.
   
5. Watch "Mommy Dearest". It's the only movie I ever walked out on.
   
6. Get over my fear of heights.
   
7. Leave the house without wearing a little makeup.

Seven things that I find really attractive about the opposite sex.

1. Gray hair on a youngish man.
   
2. Cleanliness.
   
3. Wearing a really well-cut suit.
   
4. Hands.
   
5. Butts.
   
6. Making me laugh. I have a weird fetish for comedians.
   
7. Being Canadian. I also have a weird fetish for Canadians.

Seven things I say the most.

1. Actually.
   
2. So I've got that going for me.
   
3. Sweet!
   
4. I'm amazed he/she finds his/her way to work each day.
   
5. What the hell?
   
6. Next.
   
7. The.

Seven books I love.

1. Dune
   
2. Alice in Wonderland
   
3. Right Ho, Jeeves
   
4. Jane Eyre
   
5. Emma
   
6. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
   
7. A Wrinkle in Time

Seven people I would like to see take this quiz.

Like I could name seven bloggers who would even listen to me.

How Low Can You Go?

I love it when a meme comes along to stop me from having to come up with an original thought.

Give us ten of your quirky, opinionated, perhaps socially-unacceptable or politically incorrect opinions. They can be esoteric, generic, unpopular, or obvious. Just write down ten of them.

Wheee!

1. The person who invented those plastic cases that are crimped on all four sides needs to be shot.
   
2. Kiss sucks. I hate them. I never served in the Kiss Army. Not even in the reserves.
   
3. What the hell is up with low-rise pants? When did plumbers become a source of fashion trends? I want normal cut pants, dammit!
   
4. Hi, if you're about to enter or exit a subway station, DO NOT stop right at the top or bottom of the stairs, blocking everyone from moving freely. Because that's just stupid.
   
5. Damn tourists.
   
6. France does not suck. It's actually quite nice. And the food is good.
   
7. Why are so many conservatives always hatin' on the latte? It's a tasty beverage.
   
8. I.cannot.stand.sushi.
   
9. The world would be a much finer place if everyone just did what I wanted them to.
   
10. Please, please, please don't wear sandals if you don't trim your toenails. I mean, really, who wants to see that?

Via CG Hill.

Give It to Me

Feedster me, Seymour.

Ignore the above. I went back and did the whole claim your Feedster feed thing again. This time it worked.

Dear Summer

Have I mentioned lately how much I dislike you, that you are my least favorite season of the year, behind even winter, which sucks, too?

Fondly yours,

Jon

I'm A Wit

the Wit (56% dark, 34% spontaneous, 11% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean you're pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat. I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer. Your sense of humor takes the most effort to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion. Also, you probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais

Via The Countess.

My Caffeine Problem

When I was suffering from anxiety disorder, I excised caffeine from my diet. Not long after I became a recovering. . . (fill in the word for someone who suffers from anxiety disorder), I started reintroducing caffeine. Big mistake. I am chasing a 20-ounce bottle of caffeine-laced Mountain Dew with a can of Diet Coke. Anyone have an Ambien I can use to sleep tonight?

Dear Weather

Thank you for a wonderful day here in NYC.

Fridays

Pineapple.

I don't want to wear my mittens.

No, I have not gone completely off my rocker. It's just been one of those kinds of days.

BTW, the real quote should be "Tuesdays. Pineapple. I don't want to wear my mittens." I stole it from a guy who works for me. It's just something he and a couple of buddies made up a long time ago. Somehow, though, there are times it just describes one of those days.

Playing With My Nikon Coolpix S1

www.flickr.com More of plumcrazy's photos tagged with flowers

Dear Lesley

I have received your request and have decided to cooperate.

The Weather

Things I Wish Other People Had Never Said

Married Guy: If I can't be with you, I might die.

Me: No, really, you won't.

Do those kinds of lines actually work on other women?

Things I Wish I'd Never Said

Me: Hey look, they're already selling tickets for "Star Wars".

Bruce: When does it open?

Me: May 19th. You know, I may be a geek, but at least I'm not enough of a geek to want to see it the very day it opens.

Bruce:

Me: You actually want to see it the day it opens?

Bruce: Well, I was thinking about it.

Dear General Tso

You make a nice chicken.

Yours in the bond of MSG.

Bill Murray on the Latest Blog Rumble

Blog wars, nothing but blog wars.

Since some of the ten of you who regularly read this blog missed the last big blog fight, out of my great love for you all, I'm giving you the 411 on the latest.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I listened to the show. Not only did I know it was a joke, but I literally laughed out loud at parts of it.

FULL DISCLOSURE REDUX: Bill Murray didn't actually have anything to say about the incident.

FULL DISCLOSURE REDUX REDUX: Okay, I didn't really post this out of my great love for you all (although my love for you is truly great). I posted it because reading all the posts made me think about blog wars. Then I had that Bill Murray lounge lizard rendition of the Star Wars theme running through my head.

Look Ma

I didn't win Mega Millions again. Someone or some people did. Jackpot is reset at $10 million. Maybe I should have listened to my lottery agent when he urged me to buy another Mega Millions ticket, and I insisted on a ticket for tonight's $15-million Lotto prize. Odds are shorter, but that second ticket could have been my ticket to financial freedom. Oh well, I shall never know.

Quotes of the Day

I was thinking about my college days earlier, and my mind flashed back to two professors. Both poli sci professors. Each of them said things that have stuck with me to this day.

The first was said by Gene Levy. The first class of the semester, he got up in front of us and said (paraphrasing somewhat, as it's been a while):

You may be smarter than me. But I know more than you. I'm older and I've had more education.

You couldn't argue with the man. He was absolutely right.

The other was Bob Benedetti. Bob was a man mostly memorable for apparently having bought all his ties during that one week in the '70s when really wide ties were in fashion. I took a class that was co-taught by Bob and the religion professor, Jay Mosely. It was essentially a constitutional law class that focused on the religion clauses of the First Amendment. We explored both clauses through the lens of John Winthrop and Thomas Jefferson (the reason I referred to the class as WinJeff). Bob wrote the following on my final paper for the term:

You have so concisely summed up what I had in mind when I formed this class that I now question the validity of the thesis.

Because, you know, if you can clearly and concisely state something, it must not be true.

Dixie? Must Be The Time I Spent in Florida

Via several blogs.

UPDATE: I figured out why I scored 15% Dixie. The first 5% comes from the fact that I refer to things as being "catty corner". Okay, maybe I did pick that up in college. Don't really remember.

The second 5% comes from the fact that I pronounce the word "pajamas" with the "a" in the second syllable sounding like the "a" in "father". Dunno. I've always pronounced it that way.

The third comes from the fact that I pronounce the word "aunt" to rhyme with "ant". Now, I have to take exception with that last one. That is so New York!

What This Blog Needs Right Now

A picture of smiling corn!

Yes, I just returned from another trip to West Des Moines, this one for two days.

A New Paradigm

Everyone always talks about doing more with less. I'd like to see someone do less with more. Oh wait, that happens every day. Never mind.

Blame Canada!

For those wondering why the blog has been acting up the last hour or so, take it from South Park and Blame Canada! As per my hosting service:

Please be aware that [server] is currently experiencing much higher than usual traffic. This is due to discussion related to a governmental issue in Canada that is being carried out on several blogs. One particular blog is receiving the bulk of the traffic and commentary. We are monitoring [server] more closely than usual in order to immediately address any issues that may arise.

Mmmmm

Sushi.

SDLH

I've been a bit off my game this month. I think the trip to West Des Moines in early March started me off on a weird footing. I was unable to muster the energy to do much link-searching from a hotel room whilst exhausted. But I'm going to make up for that a bit today with a Subvert the Dominant Link Hierarchy post.

Pinko Feminist Hellcat readjusts your viewing angle on the recent wage gap study. Bitch Ph.D. gives the story a welcome dose of snark, while Rox gives us the missing reasons that explain the original viewing angle.

Michele dispenses some advice to pharmacists who refuse to fill certain types of prescriptions. So does Jeanne d'Arc.

Susie points out an interesting Washington Post article about the widening cracks in conservative support for Bush's proposed Social Security privatization personalization plan.

Trish Wilson saves me from what would have been an obvious mistake.

Elayne lets us know that New York may no longer be Book Country.

Happy Easter...

...to all those who celebrate it.

Oh yeah, and to all you Peter Cottontail-loving freaks who once again are driving up my site traffic looking for this song.

DVRs are great. This year, I haven't heard bunnies singing once.

Holdem Up!

Sorry, everyone. Comments problem fixed. I entered a new URL pattern into MT Blacklist to try to prevent all the idiot "holdem poker" spammers, but clearly screwed it up. I deleted the offending entry, and now everyone should be able to post comments again.

Ugh, I Feel Dirty

Would you sick fucks just stay the hell away.

Mmmmm

Coffee.

Poking A Little Fun at SOME Anonymous Bloggers

Yeah, all right, so people, most of whom are women, are subjecting themselves to dangerous and invasive medical procedures for superficial reasons. How does this affect me? And surely it's secondary compared to Social Security!

Okay

I thought I was feeling better, but standing up proved me to be wrong. That's par for the course these days. I thought I was just suffering from bad allergies, but that was wrong too. So I'm not going to write the somewhat more substantive blog post I had in mind.

I will, however, take the laptop to bed, so I can read other people's blog posts.

Which Horseman Are You?

If you want to find out which horseman of the apocalypse you are, head over to UsefulGenius, where Justin has a handy dandy quiz that will typecast you as one of the four horseman. He's pestilence, I'm death. Hah hah!

More Cowbell!

Back from West Des Moines. Too tired to blog. But I gotta have more cowbell, baby!

Bloggers, Bloggers Everywhere!

Last night's NYC Blogger's Dinner was a lot of fun! I finally got to meet Elayne and Julia, and also got to meet lots of bloggers I didn't know, like NTodd (who paid for dinner, thanks!), Susie of Suburban Guerilla, Tom Burka, Danielle of Dependable Renegade, Mary of PowerPop and Andrew of Meta Comments. Non-bloggers present were Mary and Andrew's children Rosie and Seamus, and Julia's family - John, Her Majesty, and Procrustes.

Elayne has pictures! NTodd promises to post some later too.

Making A List, Checking It Twice

I've been completely remiss in not linking The Heretik earlier. Okay, I added him to my blogroll last week, but I didn't point him out. I'm fixing this now, and not just because I can't not link someone who recognizes the obvious truth that Satan is a Red Sox fan.

His latest post is one I totally agree with. I understand why we have Black History Month and Women's History Month, but these are just short-term fixes to get to the overall goal:

The Heretik would suggest that every month is Black History Month, as is Women's History Month as well. Recognizing the intrinsic dignity of our brothers and sisters does not end in a day or in a designated month.

But enough from me about him. Go read him about him!

Conservative Women's Blogroll

A few days ago, I volunteered to maintain the Conservative Women Who Blog Politics blogroll over at What She Said! For a variety of work-related reasons, I wasn't able to spend any time on it until this morning. But it's now up and running. You may disagree with some of the categorizations, but if a woman's blog wasn't listed on the Progressive Women Who Blog Politics blogroll, I included it on this blogroll. None of the sites listed are clearly progressive, and the goal here is to have a resource to find women who blog politics, regardless of slant. The blogroll is a work in progress, so if you think of anyone who I haven't listed, drop me an e-mail at plumcrzy - at - gmail - dot - com (fixing the obvious).

Fixing the Trackback Problem!

Thanks to Wizbang, I think I found a compromise between deleting and restoring the weblog and just forgetting about the old trackbacks. Kevin Aylward has created a Standalone Trackback Pinger. Since I have over 1,600 entries, and importing takes a looooooong time, but only about 160 trackbacks, I think it's easier to just re-enable trackbacks on the old posts that had them, use the standalone trackback pinger, and voila! I will work on this tonight.

Thank you, Kevin Aylward.

Converting to MySQL

Well, I upgraded from MT 2.661 to MT 3.15, which was cool. In order to take advantage of the dynamic publishing functions of MT 3.15, I also converted from a Berkeley DB to MySQL. Which would be really spiffy, except since I had taken to closing trackbacks on older entries, my trackback data is now all screwed up! Damn! I am going to try to re-enable trackbacks on old entries, save, and rebuild to see if that fixes it. Does anyone more techie than I am have a better idea? Is there a way to remap the data through phpMyAdmin or something?

UPDATE: Okay, of course I backed up the blog before attempting the upgrade, so I will probably just wind up deleting and restoring. Duh!

A Couple of Thank Yous

First, I want to thank Ilyka Damen for letting me guest-blog and give Estrogen Week a rousing send-off in two places!

Second, the people who created the QuickNote extension for Firefox are geniuses. Using QuickNote made creating the two link-filled posts much easier. Thank you Jed and Nickolay.

Joogle It!

Okay, my brother is right. Steps must be taken through the proper channels to make sure an anti-semitic website doesn't come up as the top result in a Google search for Jew.

So, speaking of Arlen Specter, did you know he's a Jew? Kesher Talk is hosting this week's Havel Havelim, which is a Carnival of the Vanities for Jews. I recently linked Jeff Goldstein, because he's one funny Jew.

Purim, one of my favorite Jewish holidays is quite late this year - March 24th. Every year I bake some delicious Jewish treats - hamentaschen.

Does anyone else want to Joogle? Just link to the Wikipedia entry for Jew every time you type the word Jew into a post. By making sure to link the Wikipedia entry for Jew each time you type the word Jew, you will make sure that the Wikipedia entry for Jew comes up as the first result on a Google for the word Jew.

Driving Traffic

I've been thinking about strategies on how to increase the links and traffic of female political bloggers. Obviously it involves regular linking to each other, but I think it needs to be a bit more organized than that.

I have seen suggestions that we have a Women in Blogging Week or even upped to a Woman in Blogging Month, which are both excellent as far as they go. If the goal is to simply raise more awareness of women bloggers, a fine goal in and of itself, they are good suggestions. If the goal, however, is to have more women bloggers crack into the top ranks of the blogosphere (be that measured through the Ecosystem or Blogstreet or name your metric), then we will need to link over a more prolonged period of time.

My suggestion would be that we seriously organize. We not only link to various women bloggers of our choosing on a regular basis over a prolonged period of time, but we consciously select X number of specific women bloggers (one, two, more) that we will make a concerted effort to link frequently. In terms of efficiency, we should look at those women bloggers who are already near the top ranks of the blogosphere but haven't quite cracked it yet. If we accept the top 100 of the Ecosystem, as per Kevin Drum's idea of a measure, then we probably want to consider Body and Soul, as Jeanne D'Arc is currently ranked #172 in the Ecosystem (up from #177 a couple of days ago). So a concerted effort could move her up in a relatively short period of time. Then, of course, links from Jeanne D'Arc would be worth more in terms of driving traffic, so any female bloggers she linked would gain greater benefit. Rinse and repeat.

Other efficient choices are Mad Kane, Rox Populi, and feministe. Clearly, we can cover them all simultaneously, thus driving up more women in the rankings. We can also help out our more conservative sistren like Ann Althouse, Beth Donovan, Meryl Yourish, and Baldilocks.

There are obviously other metrics we could go with, but, sadly, the Ecosystem does seem to be the one that most people pay attention to.

BTW, speaking of driving traffic, Trish Wilson, Meryl Yourish, Random Thoughts, and Pinko Feminist Hellcat all got linked today by Howard Kurtz in a WaPo column he wrote mentioning the bloghaha.

A Joogling We Will Go

In an effort to get non-offensive sites appearing at the top of Google's search results for Jew, I am linking to a handful of non-offensive sites, as promised in my earlier entry (really Lesley's post).

There is Judaism 101, which tells us what a Jew is and has other information about things Jewish.

Then there is Jewschool, a site also dedicated to things Jewish.

I'd be more creative and do more linking, yet I grow tired.

Time to Joogle Again

I am taking a post of Lesley’s from a year ago and repeating it in its entirety. An anti-Semitic web site has once again made it to the top of Google’s search results for the word Jew. Thus, we need to go joogling again. I will post another entry with links to other non-offensive sites to help shove the anti-Semitic site below the fold (to the fourth position) so it’s not seen unless you scroll down the list of results.

I love it!

It seems that the top site on Google that comes in when doing a search for "jew" is an antisemitic site. So there's an effort amongst the blogosphere to do a Googlebomb and fix this. I've never participated in a Googlebomb before, but I'm Googlebombing for Jews now. Yes, every time I type the word Jew, I'll be linking to the Wikipedia entry on Jew. If enough Jews and non-Jews do this, eventually the Wikipedia entry of Jew will top the Google list on a search for Jew. So I urge you all, whether you are a Jew or not a Jew, to link to the Wikipedia entry on Jew whenever you type the the word Jew in a post.

And speaking of Jews, you may or may not know Passover starts tomorrow. What better time to let my people go by freeing the word Jew from a hideous first result on a Google search for Jew?

And a big shout out to Michele for mentioning me, a Jew, in her Adam Sandleresque Joogling song about Jewish bloggers.

Oh and one more thing. Jew.

UPDATE: Apparently this has proven to be a successful strategy, at least in Germany. The top website in a German Google search for "jew" is Wikipedia. It's still only #3 in an American Google search for "jew", though.

Making the Femirounds

What's up amongst the XX chromosome blogging set today?

Good news! Amanda of Mouse Words won the Koufax Award for Best New Blog.

Roxanne of Rox Populi has been invited to be the guest speaker at tomorrow night's meeting of the DC chapter of Drinking Liberally.

Jeralyn of TalkLeft blogs about the SCOTUS decision on racially segregated prisons in California. BTW, she also won a Koufax Award for Best Single Issue blog.

Sisu speculates about our blogogenitor.

Feministing discusses domestic violence and hip hop.

Trish Wilson posts about family law reform in the U.K.

Meryl Yourish has more to say about L'affaire Drum.

Does the anti-sex toy law in Alabama favor fornication over masturbation? Echidne of the Snakes discusses SCOTUS' refusal to review the law.

Kevin Drum finally got around to blogrolling Avedon Carol of The Sideshow.

Michele of A Small Victory has a post up about idiots who trivialize the phenomenon of teen cutting.

Bloggers and rappers: Separated at birth? Mad Kane links to a Slate column making the case. Yo!

Megan McArdle talks about SUV safety and brings some tools of economic analysis to bear.

Arthur Miller. Hunter S. Thompson. Ann Althouse notes the different media reactions to the death of the two literary figures.

Ha ha! Cynical Cyn points to an article about Russian weathermen facing fines for being wrong about the weather. You know, I've always said I wish I could be wrong as often as weathermen are without getting fired...

This post from Lauren at feministe is from yesterday, but I still had to point it out.

Check out Elayne Riggs' Silly Site o' the Day.

Where oh where are the women who discuss things like Social Security Reform? Why not ask Kathy of Random Thoughts.

Are we ready for a woman president? Jared of Worshipping at the Altar of Mediocrity thinks so.

Both Chloe and Heart of Canada wonder about Terri Schiavo.

Media Girl starts an Uppity Women Metaroll, which I think I desperately need to keep up with all the women bloggers.

And last, but most definitely not least, Susan of Suburban Guerilla has won a Koufax Award for Blog Most Deserving of Wider Recognition. You know, there are 3 female political blogs who won 2004 Koufax Awards. But where are all the female political bloggers?

Who's With Me?

Ladies, I've been thinking a bit about the latest round of "pondering" about where are all the women bloggers, and I've decided it's time we do something about it. Ilyka is right. We can't make the big boy bloggers link to us, but we can boost our own traffic by linking to each other. I'm not just talking about blogrolls either (although I seriously updated mine today). I'm talking about a concerted effort, a la the Progressive Blog Alliance, to do link roundup posts of female bloggers.

I'm going to start with this one, which will be a link roundup of reactions to "Where are you poor little women?"

What She Said

Echidne of the Snakes

Elayne Riggs

Ayn Clouter

Roxanne

Chloe

Media Girl

Feministe

Avedon Carol

Brutal Women

Random Thoughts

Trish Wilson

Meryl Yourish

If I've missed any (and I'm sure I have), let me know. Future link roundups will feature more variety of topic.

UPDATE: Ha! I never read Random Thoughts before, so, based on some links, I assumed Jay Rosen was a woman. Well, he's not. Thanks to Trish Wilson for indirectly setting me straight. But hey, he had some good things to say.

UPDATE TO THE UPDATE: Never mind, I'm an idiot. My most profuse and abject apologies to Kathy (not Jay Rosen), who is most definitely a woman.

YET ANOTHER UPDATE: More reactions.

A Small Victory

Victory Soap (this one made me laugh out loud)

Mad Kane

Kesher Talk

Sisu

Shorter Blogosphere

"Lefties are lying hypocritical commie sluts."

"Righties are lying hypocritical fascist theocrats."

Oy

You write one lousy post about Prince Charles' soon-to-be-wife and soon your blog is being found by lots of people Googling for her name.

No, I won't write it again. I have no desire to turn up on even more Googles for this term.

The Undead Pool

With a nod to Lesley's entry in The Dead Pool, my selection of celebrities with such stunning personas that you might think they're already dead.

Paris Hilton – couldn’t find a more apt fitting name than "The Simple Life" for a show centered around her life.

Nancy Reagan – has always reminded me of a Stepford Wife.

Laura Bush – the Stepford Wife of her generation.

Larry Brown – great coach, but whenever he speaks, he seems to be on Lithium.

Jeff Van Gundy – a dedicated coach who is one of the tops of his profession, but the bags under his eyes seem to have bags. Also, the one sight that will always resonate is him on the floor during the infamous Knicks-Heats playoff brawl a few years back, clutching Alonzo Mourning’s leg for dear life.

Ray Liotta – hello, is there anyone home? The only role where he ever acted with a discernable pulse is when he played, fittingly enough, a dying alcoholic on an “ER” episode this year.

Ben Affleck – aside from Nancy Reagan and Laura Bush, could anyone be more plastic?

Jennifer Lopez – seems that the answer is, “Yes.” She and Ben should have stayed together. “I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Plastic.”

Although...

Speaking of The Dead Pool, I forgot to post my 2005 Dead Pool picks for everyone to mock. Without further adieu.

Kitty Carlisle-Hart
Dick Clark
Bill Cosby
Walter Cronkite
Carlton Fisk
Milton Friedman
The Dalai Lama
Martin Landau
Karl Malden
Al Pacino
Nancy Reagan
Max Schmeling
George Soros
Kurt Waldheim

I've got solos on Carlton Fisk, Martin Landau, and Al Pacino.

You Know, It Really IS An Honor Just To Be Nominated

Somehow, my post about Censorship vs. Freedom of Association has been nominated for a Koufax Award for Best Post.

This is not a request for votes. I have read some of the other posts that were nominated, and I do not believe my post is the best. I was just pleasantly surprised to find out that I had even been nominated. Sure, it happened two days ago, but that's what I get for not checking my Technorati links very often.

Thanks to the fine folks over at Wampum.

Rick and Dietz Are Ranting Chattering Again

Rick and Dietz, formerly of The Rant, are back with a brand new spiffy blog called UnSpecified Chatter. After the comment spam debacle that caused them to close down comments at The Rant, Rick and Dietz moved over to a new host, so comments are back too!

Frosty the Snowcam

One of my friends in Manhattan, who desires to go by the moniker "Snowcam Joe" for this post (his name isn't Joe, but whatever) has set up his webcam for those who want to see Manhattan in the snow.

UPDATE: The snow is over and so is the snowcam. Instead, enjoy this picture of the Wall Street Bull in the snow.

Justin's Got A Brand New Blog

Regular reader, Justin, has got himself his own brand-spanking new shiny blog - Useful Genius. Welcome to the wonderful world of blogging, Justin!

Now if I can only persuade him to join the VCWC...

Happy New Years 2005!

Happy New Years to everyone. May 2005 bring you all you hope for and all you need.

Toodles until tomorrow.

2005 Dead Pool

I finally submitted my roster for the 2005 Dead Pool. I ain't posting my picks until after the New Year, when it's too late for any of my 10 regular readers to decide to heist any of them.

I also submitted a bonus prize this year called The Worm-Eaten Big Apple for the first famous New Yorker to bite the dust. Prize is a Rudy Giuliani action figure.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it!

For a few Christmas songs, click on the wreath above.

Forget What Not To Buy For Christmas

The WWF has a list of 10 things not to buy for Christmas. I know what you're thinking - Why does the Worldwide Wrestling Federation care what I shouldn't buy for Christmas? Yeah, I could see them hawking a Sergeant Slaughter action figure or a Rowdy Roddy Piper kilt (yes, I know, but I don't keep up with the WWF). But why would they be telling me what not to buy? This WWF, however, stands for Worlwide Fund for Nature. So you can imagine what's on their list.

However, I know a few things you could buy as gifts. Just saying. Besides, isn't it much more fun to be positive than negative?

True Tales

A colleague of mine who does IT finance across the pond tells me about an e-mail she received from someone in Europe protesting his IT allocation. In this e-mail, the gentleman informs my colleague that he shouldn't get an IT allocation because he doesn't use IT.

Blahs

There's a lot I've been thinking about lately regarding the rather human propensity to self-identify with groups that we consider to exemplify whatever virtues we hold most dear (intelligence, tolerance, family values, etc.) and how this is playing into a lot of the crowing we're hearing on both sides (Kerry supporters are smarter than Bush supporters; Bush supporters are more moral than Kerry supporters). But I'm currently suffering a case of the blahs and can't quite bring myself to sit down and write it.

Phooey.

Hey, I'm Famous!

I garnered second Quote of the Day over at The Rant for something I said in response to a comment on this Rant post.

What I said was this (bold emphasizes the part that made me famous):

The liberals say they call the conservatives names in retaliation to conservative name-calling. The conservatives say they call the liberals names in retaliation to liberal name-calling. We've been reduced to a nation of 5-year-olds screaming "It's not my fault! He started it!"

Who even knows "who started it"? Politics has always been ugly and divisive, with opposing sides calling each other names. Go back hundreds of years and see if it was any different. Each side should stop pretending that it's really quite civil at heart and only being mean in "retaliation" to the bad behavior of the other side. Own the bad behavior. Don't blame other people for it. If your 5-year-old tried that, you'd rightfully tell him/her to cut it out. Please, let's not hold 5-year-olds to higher standards than we hold ourselves.

Thanks, Dietz!

Memorex Blogging

I won't be live-blogging the election, but other sites are. Check them out.

The Rant
Outside the Beltway
Command Post
Vodka Pundit

Site Molasses

The comments are running really slow tonight. I don't know why, although it may have something to do with why other Hosting Matters blogs are having problems. At any rate, if your comment doesn't post immediately, please, don't repost it or hit refresh.

Yours in the bond of blogging,

The Management

My Halloween Costume

This year, I decided to dress as something truly frightening for Halloween. I spent Halloween as a suburbanite. My disguise? A car.

Last night, I met friends for dinner on the Upper East Side. I drove in. Yes, I drove from Hoboken into Manhattan. Sure, I could have taken the PATH train and then a taxi up to the restaurant, but no. I drove.

Today, I drove to and from the supermarket. Normally, I would walk to the supermarket and pay for home delivery. Not today. I drove.

Want to know what's really scary? This is probably not limited to Halloween.

Aaaaaaahhhhh!

Monster Chiller Theatre Name That Tune

Would you like some lyrics?

Not to steal from Dietz (much), but in honor of Halloween and my second blogiversary, I'm going to do a one-time Halloween version of Name That Tune I'm going to post lyric snippets from two of my favorite songs to listen to on Halloween and see if anyone can Name That Tune! I'll post the answers and the songs themselves tomorrow.

Song #1

O, why can't I live a life for me?
Why should I take the abuse that's served?
Why can't they see they're just like me?
It's the same, it's the same in the whole wide world.

Song #2

The virginal brides file past his tomb
Strewn with time's dead flowers
Bereft in deathly bloom
Alone in a darkened room
The count

In the immortal words of Dietz: "Don't blurt, be subtle, leave a clue."

Snatch This Pebble From My Hand, Grasshopper

I'm about to embark on a journey to answer what can only be termed one of the great, unanswered questions of our my time.

If a broken fire alarm continues to ring every 20 minutes, but I'm not around to hear it, will I still go crazy?

I will provide the answer later today.

UPDATE: I have returned from my journey. The answer to this question is "What do I mean 'go crazy'?"

Is She Or Isn't She?

Only her car dealer knows for sure.

It's official. I am a real American.

Apparently the State of New Jersey only sucks indirectly. The 5-day waiting period for auto insurance isn't a state requirement. It's something the insurance companies do that they have the power to waive. However, I still maintain the State of New Jersey sucks, albeit indirectly. I believe that this insurance company requirement is a "You live in New Jersey, sucka" penalty resulting from the amazingly complex New Jersey State Insurance Commission requirements for auto insurance. Seems like most insurance companies would prefer to not even sell auto insurance in New Jersey, but are forced to in order to be able to sell any other kind of insurance in New Jersey. So they charge you up the wazoo for auto insurance and sock you with the "You live in New Jersey, sucka" penalty.

However, none of this can overshadow the fact that I am, today, for the first time in my life, a real American.* I'm so proud.

*Yes, I have owned cars in the past. However, it was only this year that I watched "The Godfather", and I've been told that you must meet both conditions in order to be a real American.

Things I've Learned Today

1. The State of New Jersey sucks. Oh yes, it does. You see, it turns out that in New Jersey, not only do they have ludicrously high insurance rates, there is also a 5 day waiting period to get an auto insurance policy if you don't already have an auto insurance policy. Now what benefit this provides eludes me. Drivers' records are obtained instantaneously. Proof of residence can be faxed in. Even credit records can be checked instantaneously. So what the hell is the State of New Jersey on about? Remind me to move back to New York, where you can get auto insurance the same day even if you don't already have an auto insurance policy.

2. Salesmen shouldn't repeatedly tell their customers "I told you so". It's just a bad sales technique which tends to annoy the customer and make them wish they had never bought anything from you. Yes, I know what you told me. I was, in fact, present during the conversation. However, I initially got different information from my insurance agent. It's not an odd assumption to make that an insurance agent knows more about insurance than a car salesman. Okay, in retrospect, I was wrong. No need to mention it over and over and over.

3. Car salesmen know more about car insurance than insurance agents.

4. I won't be a real American for another four days.

Tomorrow I'll Be A Real American

Having gotten Step One of turning Lesley into a Real American out of the way, it's time for Step Two aka the Final Step.

I signed the paperwork on a car today. I'm picking it up tomorrow. It looks like this (although the red should be darker, more crimson, on mine).

It's a 2005 Hyundai Elantra.

Incognito

It was a bit nippy in New York today, so when my friend, Bruce, and I went to see "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow" (cute fluff film), I wound up borrowing his jacket. Later on, we went to Starbucks, and I put on his hat as a lark. So here I am disguised as my friend Bruce, flight test jacket and Galileo cap and all.*

Bruce actually was a test pilot and then went on to work as a systems engineer and project manager at NASA, Lockheed, Northrop, Boeing, and JPL.

Blogging the Classics

Aha! A new meme from Better Living Through Blogging!: Blogging The Classics. "Just find a classic line from a novel -- opening line or otherwise -- and modify it to reflect blogging and/or bloggers."

"Now is the blogging of our discontent." (William Shakespeare, "Richard III")

"...there is only one thing in the world worse than being blogged about, and that is not being blogged about." (Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Gray")

"Nothing so needs reforming as other people's blogs." (Mark Twain, "The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson")

Crazier Than You

Well, maybe not. I really don't know how crazy you are. So I might not be crazier than you. But I definitely do have meshagos.

How, you ask, am I meshugenah? [Assuming you know what meshugenah means. If you don't, roughly translates it means "nuts" in the psychiatric technical term sense of the word.] I am possibly the world's worst e-mail and IM communicator. Those two forms of communication make it very easy for me to procrastinate. "Oh, I can respond to that e-mail tomorrow. I can log onto IM tomorrow." But you know about tomorrow - it never comes. So I put off responding to e-mails or logging onto IM until it reaches a point where whoever wrote to me is probably fairly pissed off. Which only makes me want to procrastinate more, as I hate conflict. So it's a vicious cycle.

Sure, you say, but you can do that with phone calls too. Well, that would be true. If I weren't meshugenah. If a friend or family member calls me, and I'm home, I have some perverse need to answer the phone, even if I'd rather not talk at that moment in time. If a friend or family member leaves me a message telling me to call back, I will have to call back. Of course, if they don't say I should call back or make it at all optional, then I don't feel the need to call back. In fact, I have this weird notion that if they really wanted me to call back, they'd have left me a very explicit message telling me to call back. Otherwise, I figure they don't really want to speak to me, but just left me a message to give me some information I didn't previously have.

No, this makes no rational sense. Like I said. I'm meshugenah.

Things That Really Annoy Me

People who call me up and say "Who is this?" in response to my "Hello?"

Here's a free clue - If you don't know who I am, you have the wrong number.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Now that my brother, Jon, has been posting regularly, I've made it a little easier to figure out who posted what. I've modified the templates so that the name of the author appears right under the entry title. [I've also added a primary category link to the post.] So if you're not sure which one of us wrote an entry, just look right below the title.

No, I'm In Charge

My brother, Jon (aka the Pest), seems to think that because I have given him blogging privileges, he's in charge. How right he is, when he says that I will be setting him straight. Go see what permissions you have, Pest. I can do all things blog-related. You cannot. Bwahahahaha!

However, I'm leaving for a business trip to London in about 2 hours, so the Pest may well be keeping things lively for me in my absence. I may attempt to blog a bit from foggy London town, but I make no promises.

I Am in Charge

You can call me Al. As in Haig. My sister, Lesley, has given me Blogging privileges. Little does she know this means she has ceded complete control of the Blog to me. Oh well. (Of course, it won't be long before she sets me straight on this point.)

Closing Comments on Older Entries

I'm sick of comment spam. MT-Blacklist is fantastic, but even using that, I still wind up cleaning up comment spam every day. Since comment spammers are clearly not that bright, all the comment spam winds up on the really old entries. I'm in the process of installing MT-Close2, which allows you to close comments on entries older than a day you choose. I'm closing all comments on entries older than 21 days.

Classless Warfare Over...

...Jay and Jane each unilaterally withdraw from shared domain. Jay reclaims previous homeland, www.jaycaruso.com, changing name to Mr. Blonde's Garage. Jane attempts to further Canadian World Domination by invading The Fat Guy.

When will the madness end?

Freudian Pocket

Got a call from my friend's pocket this morning. He had called me on his cell phone earlier, and we chatted a bit. About 10 minutes after we hung up, I get another call, the caller ID saying it was my friend calling on his cell phone again. I pick it up and say "Hello." No response. But I can hear him in the background talking to some guy in a store. I figure maybe he's just waiting until he's done transacting his business to talk, so I stay on. Say "Hello" again. I hear him leaving the store and walking. Just walking. I keep saying "Hello" and "Pick up your phone!" loudly, hoping he might hear it. No luck. I hang up and go to call his cell phone. Can't get a dialtone, because his cell phone is still connected to my line. Finally I call him from my cell phone, hoping he'll get a vibration in his pocket when the call waiting kicks in. Success at last.

Still wonder why his pocket called me in the first place, though.

Netflix

I just found a nifty little MT plug-in that lets me display what I have outstanding on Netflix as well as my Netflix queue. Scroll on down until you see the "Netflix" heading on the left column (below "Stuff") if you're interested.

Don't Mess With Me Right Now

I spent half of yesterday signing invoices, which always manages to put me in a really bad mood. The idiocy astounds me. People can't manage to properly code an invoice even with drop-down menus on the spreadsheet! Even with a warning message that pops up telling them that the distribution must equal the total amount of the invoice! Not to mention the amount that simply don't even have the right amount. Not a transposition error. Not a short pay. Just flat out a different amount on the check req than on the invoice.

Then I had problems with my hot water heater upon getting home, problems not fixed until this afternoon. So no shower for me until around 5 pm. Yuck!

Then there's this Paul Johnson thing, which I anticipated, but still sucks now that it's reality.

All in, I'm not in the best mood, so don't mess with me right now.

Something To Be Proud Of

I'm the third search result on a Google for Why Bernie Ebbers is not in Jail. Good question. But maybe he will be soon!

Damn Comments!

Apparently something is wacky with MT-Blacklist. Two people have reported to me that they are unable to post comments (without URLs). I have, therefore, turned off the plug-in. I got no clue what the problem is, as I was able to post test comments to two different entries, but with it off, people should be able to post comments. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Talk About Nerve

I got the absolute nerviest comment spam ever. It was from a porn site purporting to feature those not yet of legal age, so I will not list the name of the site. I don't wish to drive any traffic there. But the person who posted it listed his/her e-mail address as "nospam@nospam[insertnameofsitehere].com". A spammer who takes steps to prevent him/herself from getting spam. What a freaking world(wide web).

ASV Open Mic Night

Michele is hosting an Open Mic Night this evening. The theme - Name 5 things you're not ashamed of that you should be. Some fun reading. Yeah, I posted five.

So, name five things I'm not ashamed of that I should be.

1. I like ABBA. No, scratch that. I love ABBA. I could dance all night to ABBA. In fact, I think I have.

2. Even worse than ABBA - I love Neil Diamond. "You've got the way to move me, Cherry!" This is actually the subplot of some really bad movie I once saw whose name escapes me now. The guy loved Neil Diamond. I'm like that guy. Well, except I wouldn't actually go see Neil Diamond in concert.

3. I am a Dark Shadows fanatic! I belong to the Dark Shadows DVD Club. I have a Barnabas bobblehead doll and a Quentin as the werewolf bobblehead doll. In the original Dark Shadows series, I must confess I was not all about Barnabas. I was all about David Selby as Quentin. Mmmmm, Quentin. Mmmmm, David Selby. He's old enough to be my father, but he's still hot. I used to watch Falcon Crest just to see David Selby. But in the second Dark Shadow series, with Ben Cross as Barnabas, boy was I all about Barnabas. That Barnabas can come here and bite me any time.

4. I didn't learn the last name of the first guy I ever slept with until the next morning. Stan Conway. Stan had him a mohawk. A white blonde mohawk (his natural hair color). And the most beautiful cornflower blue eyes I've ever seen. I met him at a Circle Jerks concert during my college days.

5. I've never seen "The Godfather". I know, I know. But I haven't. My former boss always tells me I'm not a real American, because I don't own a car and have never seen "The Godfather". I plan to buy a car later this year. You think that'll that make me half a real American?

Wheeeee!

Those Damn Jooooos

A hearty fuck you to a couple of people who wrote the following items (I won't link to them, because I don't want to drive traffic to assholes):

1. "Ariel Sharon is dictating U.S. foreign policy."
2. "Israel is deliberately causing the U.S. to have wretched intelligence about the Middle East to prevent us from effectively fighting Al Qaeda and to allow them to grab more land in the West Bank!" [When, you might ask, was the last time they "grabbed" land? Oh well, we don't want to let facts get in the way of a good old classic Vast Jewish Conspiracy theory, do we?]

Yes, we've apparently been exercising a grand hoax on all of you. How stupid most of you must be, according to these "fine gentlemen", because you don't believe that the Jews are controlling your country. I don't see why these jackasses don't just post the Protocols of the Elders of Zion and be done with it.

And I was having such a good day. I was feeling calm and happy, and then I get to read that crap. Time to return to my policy of ignoring those venues. Who needs the aggravation?

Search Me

It's rather odd, that even though I haven't updated in the last 9 days, my hits have gone way up. Perhaps this is the secret to attracting web traffic - don't provide any new material, just let people find the old.

In the two weeks leading up to Easter, people were Googling like mad for that damn Toys R Us commercial with the bunnies singing Peter Cottontail. Which makes sense, since it's an Easter-themed commercial and it was rerun again this year. Fortunately, TiVo saved my sanity. I never watched the commercial this year and, as such, never had to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous songs running through my head for hours on end.

But I had figured that with Easter having come and gone, the last couple of days would have brought a significant decrease in my hits. Seems not. Today people are Googling like mad about a Michael Ramirez cartoon with a gun pointed at President Bush. Now, I don't know if he drew another one recently, as I really don't read his cartoons. If not, people are suddenly showing massive interest in a cartoon from last July. I completely don't understand why, but such is life. More power to them. I hope they all enjoyed my commentary on people who make assumptions without checking their facts.

What's Happening

So some people, namely my brother the pest, are clamoring for me to update my blog. Okay, okay, far be it from me to turn down the wishes of the masses. Or, in this case, the one.

I haven't updated recently mostly because I just have so much stuff going on with family, work, and non-work-related activities (or should that be non-work program-related activities). You all know that my father has been unwell. Well, you all know it if you read the entry on March 31st. There's a lot of long-term decisions that have to be made around that, which have been occupying my mind of late.

Then there's non-work program-related activities. I'm on the board of this private school, and part of my boardly duties involve reviewing and awarding financial aid to applicants. Which takes some time. I finished most of that yesterday, although I understand there are a few stragglers which require processing. Oh and there's a board meeting tonight at 7 pm.

I'm also on the board of this non-profit company, which is involved in developing wireless technology for emergency medicine. There's been a recent flurry of activity there around applying for grants. All the grant opportunities have tight deadlines. In fact, there's another conference call about a couple of those opportunities tonight at 10 pm.

So it isn't that I haven't had any thoughts about things to blog about. I have. I just haven't had the mental energy to sit down and write them out. But I'll try to be better about updating. Even it it's just resurrecting the "Which Is Better - the Original Song or the Weird Al Parody" poll. Hopefully I'll also get around to blogging about those other thoughts soon too.

Joogling

I love it!

It seems that the top site on Google that comes in when doing a search for "jew" is an antisemitic site. So there's an effort amongst the blogosphere to do a Googlebomb and fix this. I've never participated in a Googlebomb before, but I'm Googlebombing for Jews now. Yes, every time I type the word Jew, I'll be linking to the Wikipedia entry on Jew. If enough Jews and non-Jews do this, eventually the Wikipedia entry of Jew will top the Google list on a search for Jew. So I urge you all, whether you are a Jew or not a Jew, to link to the Wikipedia entry on Jew whenever you type the the word Jew in a post.

And speaking of Jews, you may or may not know Passover starts tomorrow. What better time to let my people go by freeing the word Jew from a hideous first result on a Google search for Jew?

And a big shout out to Michele for mentioning me, a Jew, in her Adam Sandleresque Joogling song about Jewish bloggers.

Oh and one more thing. Jew.

UPDATE: Apparently this has proven to be a successful strategy, at least in Germany. The top website in a German Google search for "jew" is Wikipedia. It's still only #3 in an American Google search for "jew", though.

Can't Find My Way Home

You know how sometimes a certain song just epitomizes how you're feeling at the time?

Come down off your throne and leave your body alone.
Somebody must change.
You are the reason I've been waiting so long.
Somebody holds the key.

But I'm near the end and I just ain't got the time
And I'm wasted and I can't find my way home.

Come down on your own and leave your body alone.
Somebody must change.
You are the reason I've been waiting all these years.
Somebody holds the key.

But I'm near the end and I just ain't got the time
And I'm wasted and I can't find my way home.

But I can't find my way home.
But I can't find my way home.
But I can't find my way home.
But I can't find my way home.
Still I can't find my way home,
And I ain't done nothing wrong,
But I can't find my way home.

The Luck of the Irish

One year ago yesterday, I posted this rather silly, meant to be humorous entry:

GOING ORANGE FOR ST. PADDY'S DAY?

The U.S. government, showing a clear prejudice against the Irish in the ongoing struggle between the British and the Irish in Northern Ireland, today raised the threat level to orange on St. Patrick's Day. Green-wearing Irish everywhere are sure to be offended. After all, orange is the color of the oppressive British-loving Protestant fascists!

In other news, prisoners are once again more color-coordinated than you.

Flash forward one year. 183 page views to that entry, all from some variation of the Google search wearing orange on st. patrick's day.

Alas, I wore neither green nor orange yesterday. I was quite New Yorkish in black and putty. I suppose I could have worn green on March 6th, which was when Hoboken had its St. Patrick's Day parade. What the hell was up with that anyway? Celebrating St. Patrick's Day 1.5 weeks earlier? I can understand wanting to have a parade on a weekend, but wouldn't that logically be the weekend before or after? Two weekends before makes no sense. It's not as if there were some huge Hoboken festival going on last weekend.

I suppose St. Patrick's Day is now a state of mind.

Linky Love

In a matter of no small note (to me, although undoubtedly small note to everyone else in the world), I received two e-mails today with suggested links. I say this is of no small note to me, because it is rare that people contact me to post their links, in large part because I have a blog that isn't particularly widely read. I can't actually remember the last time someone sent me a request for a link.

But lest you think that I would pass on any link sent to me willy-nilly, be assured that I read both of them and felt them interesting enough to post. My head may be turned by flattery, but my keyboard may not follow.

The first link is to the first three chapters of a soon-to-be-published book regarding GE Capital, insurance, and Christian Scientists. Sure, it might sound like an odd combination. It might, in fact, be an odd combination. But I will confess that the author, one Edward Eugene Baskett, is a writer to catch your interest in this unlikely tale. I rarely read books of non-fiction, but this one intrigued me enough that I will likely make an exception. The title of the book, "I Leap Over Their Heads - Straight To the Gut", is also quite clever. Many may not know this, but Jack Welch published a book of his own entitled "Straight From the Gut".

The second link is to what has aptly been called the world's funniest political quiz - A Satirical Political Beliefs Assessment Test, compiled by Donald J. Hagen. You get to choose from answers to several questions from the following four political affiliations:

CONS: Conservative (Archconservative)
LIBL: Liberal (Leftwing Wacko)
LBRT: Libertarian (Antigovernment Libertine)
COMM: Communist (Commie Sympathizer)

One of my favorite questions (I love the sarcasm in the Libertarian response):

What do you think of government run state lotteries?

CONS: It is morally reprehensible for governments to even condone gambling, much less run their own gambling operations.

LIBL: They are permissible as long as the proceeds go to fund worthy causes, such as schools, homeless shelters, and Gambler's Anonymous programs.

LBRT: Considering the extreme odds against winning, perhaps the State of California should pass a law mandating that only "sophisticated" investors be permitted to purchase tickets for California's state lottery.

COMM: No. State run lotteries promote greed.

So enjoy!

I Have No Idea What to Write About

I'm mostly just tired. It's been a rather long week.

Feb. 25th, 2004

My 40th birthday has finally arrived. It is also Ash Wednesday, and Mel Gibson's movie, "The Passion", is opening nationwide today.

PSA Update

Okay, the switch is in process. It appears to have moved over now, but I wouldn't swear it will stay stable.

BTW, I swear, all this switching and uploading and stuff is teaching me more about technology than I ever really wanted to know. Who knew about file and directory CHMOD permissions? Well, obviously some people did, but I didn't, and I never really felt any need to. At first I couldn't access the blog MT installation to update. So I went to the MT website and read the installation instructions. I had a problem with the CHMOD permissions. Then I could access the menu but posts wouldn't update to the blog. I had a problem with the configuration menu, in that I changed my user name when I switched hosts, thereby changing the local directories. Phooey!

PSA

Some time over the next day or two, the site may become flaky. I'm switching hosts and nameservers, and while the nameserver switchover is going through, the site may go up and down. So if you can't get to the site for a bit, you'll know why.

Looking French

What is with this damn meme from the* right that John Kerry is French-looking?

1. He's not.

2. When did that become an insult? If it's an insult to look like Olivier Martinez or Louis Jourdan, please, some French-looking man insult me by asking me out.

3. The joke ceased being funny while dinosaurs still roamed the Earth.

4. Aren't there some actual issues to attack him on? I can think of a few.

At least a View from the Right gets it right.

*Read the comments