Plum Crazy

Let's Go Yankees!

More tomorrow, but the short version: It was awesome.

Bernie Goes Boom!

And the Yankees win! T-h-h-h-e-e-e Yankees win! AL East champs for the 7th straight year. Woo hoo indeed!

Lesley was there, and we all look forward to her first-hand report of what it was like to be there for a walk-off homerun to win the division.

Woo Hoo!

What's the magic number?

3

2

1!

Put An Asterisk Next To It

Right on Rick Reilly. There's been something bugging me about Ichiro Suzuki's chase of George Sisler's record of 257 hits in a season. In the 10/4 issue of Sports Illustrated, Reilly echoes my skepticism and calls it like it is: "As Ichiro chases the hallowed hit record, join me in standing and saying, in unison, 'What a load of Bushido!!!'"

Ichiro does seems a lock to "break" the record, standing three hits away with five games to play. But let's tote this up. Sisler had 257 hits in 154 games. Ichiro had 250 hits in his first 154 games. Hmm, I see a problem. To quote Reilly, "End of story. Sorry. Enjoy the fishing season in Kobe. See you at spring training."

Not Alone

Watching the Yankees struggle to fend off the Red Sox has been a depressing experience. Not as bad as Mo blowing the 2001 World Series but still pretty bad. But at least they're not blowing it as badly as the A's or the Cubs.

Yep

It's still four.

Stupid Magic Number

It's still four.

Not A Four-Gone Conclusion

Ok, I'm usurping Lesley's role as the magic number poster, but I think the headline is so clever I couldn't resist. (I'll cede control to her after this post.)

Courtesy of another whooping by the Red Sox, the Yankees magic number remains stuck at 4 for the second day in a row. %$^&*!!!! I want the final nails in the coffin. It's a long shot, but it ain't four-gone (tee hee!) that it's over for the Sox.

Too Expensive

$20 for admission to the Museum of Modern Art when it re-opens in November. Ouch! I wonder if you actually have to pay the $20 or that's a suggested donation that you can shirk if you have the guts to try. But it doesn't matter. Art is something that should be readily accessible to the public and not cost $20 to see. It dramatically underscores the need for better public funding.

Thankfully, there are other options, such as P.S.1 in Long Island City - are they going to make that $20 since it's affiliated with MoMA? - and tons of galleries if you’re willing to venture off the beaten path to Brooklyn, Chelsea, SoHo, etc.

When EF Hutton Talks, People Listen

Hopefully, when I talk, no one listens, as my guess on Google, way wrong.

Cat Time

2:30 AM ETT - eastern throwup time
6:30 AM EBT - eastern breakfast time
11:30 PM ENT - eastern (run) nuts time

Have I missed any time zones?

Bring Out Your Dead

"We're not dead yet." No you aren't, Boston Red Sox. Not after you spanked the Yanks tonight. Magic number remains at 4.

Seven Schmeven

A win by the Yankees and a loss by the Red Sox not only clinch the Yankees at least the wild card, but reduce the magic number to six.

This makes up for yesterday's dismal failure to move the number from eight to seven.

The Stages of a Relationship

Once again, I am listening to WCBS FM, and this time they're playing Lady Willpower by Gary Puckett. Which as always brings to my mind the stages of a relationship you can create from his songs:

"Young Girl get out of my mind, my love for you is way out of line." But hold it, she's all grown up and is now "Lady Willpower, it's now or never for you to give your love to me." Sadly, things have hit a rough patch, and "Woman Woman have you got cheating on your mind?" I think the answer is yes because now it's the worst news for Gary, as the relationship ends and he just can't get Over You. Better luck next time, Gary.

The Number So Nice...

...they repeated it twice.

Thanks to a loss by the Yankees and a win by the Red Sox, the magic number stays at eight.

Back by Popular Demand*

The Yankees Magic Number Countdown!

Pieces of eight.

*To the degree that requests by 2 people can be considered "popular demand".

Incognito

It was a bit nippy in New York today, so when my friend, Bruce, and I went to see "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow" (cute fluff film), I wound up borrowing his jacket. Later on, we went to Starbucks, and I put on his hat as a lark. So here I am disguised as my friend Bruce, flight test jacket and Galileo cap and all.*

Bruce actually was a test pilot and then went on to work as a systems engineer and project manager at NASA, Lockheed, Northrop, Boeing, and JPL.

Not Looking Good So Far

Here the Yankees are trying to assess whether Jason Giambi can help them. Believe it or not, it looks like he's not being of much help. Whoever would have foreseen that? Oh yeah, me!

Fear Fest

Whatever happened to the days when politicians tried to inspire us rather than prey on our fears? Were there ever any such days?

Oh What A Beautiful Weekend...

Yanks take 2 of 3 in the series against the Red Sox. Now what could be wrong with that?*

UPDATE: Damn my brother! He beat me by 3 minutes! Which just goes to show that Yankees fans are all equally obnoxious.

*Other than the Yankees having lost the first game in the series, but you have to take a few roughs with a smooth.

2 of 3

I will save the "Bwahahaha!" for later so as not to risk jinxing next weekend's series with the Red Sox. But if the Yankees have the same success next weekend as they did this weekend, beware!

Indeed He Did Blow It

Why is that two of Mariano Rivera's four blown saves, have come against the Red Sox? I don't want to and can't take anything away from what Mo has done for the Yankees since 1996, but argh!, take away the two blown saves against the Sox and the Yanks would have a cozy 6 1/2 game lead.

Not a Blauch-head?

I just watched ESPN's 25 Biggest Sports Blunders of the last 25 years. Inexplicably, they let Chuck Knoblauch off the hook for his total brain freeze against the Indians in the 1998 ALCS. It can never be said often enough, even six years later: "Pick up the ball. Pick up the freaking ball!"

Madlibbing The Classics

Time to have fun with a classic moment from one of the best films of all time. Borrowing from Mad Magazine's "Mad Libs", provide the wackiest answers for the different parts of speech below. When you're done, click on the "Please, sir, may I have some more link", fill in the blanks and see just how badly you've twisted this cinematic moment. If you're really brave, show your results in the comments.

Noun #1, action verb #1, noun #2, verb #1, verb #2, adjective #1, name #1, noun #3, noun #4, noun #5, noun #6.

Just case in my instructions really suck, let's say it were Bogie's "of all the gin joints in the all towns in all the world, she walks into mine" speech and gin was replaced with adjective #1, joints with noun #2, and walks with verb #3, you'd replace gin with your adjective of choice, joints with your noun of choice, etc.

Got it? Good, then get going, and NO PEEKING!

It's the "I could've been a contender speech" from "On the Waterfront"! So how badly have you mangled it? (For the real thing, click here and search for "contender".)

Terry: It was you, Charley. You was my (noun #1). You should of (action verb #1) for me. Instead of making me take them (noun #2) for the short-end money.

Charley: I always had a bet down for you. You saw some money.

Terry: (verb #1)! You don't (verb #2)!

Charley: I tried to keep you in (adjective #1) with (name #1).

Terry: You don't (verb #2)! I could've been a (noun #3). I could've had (noun #4) and been [a/an] (noun #5). Real (noun #4). Instead of a (noun #6), let's face it, which is what I am. It was you, Charley.

Will People Never Learn?

With all the stories in the news about car jackings and abductions, how could someone be negligent enough to leave a baby alone in a running car? Thankfully, the culprit was caught quickly and the child is fine. The mother has probably learned her lesson, but I wouldn't mind if she were charged with a low-level crime and fined as an example.

Get Out

Building the case for why one really should never state the obvious, it appears, according to the AP, that Bush and Kerry differ on the situation on Iraq. Who would have thought it?

In the meantime, the latest polls show a tightening in the race.

Everyone But Reporters Can Leave

Pity the poor television reporter who always seems to be smack in the middle of a hurricane or other major storm. I can understand why it’s important to have a reporter on scene in, say, a war zone, where you want contemporary news and the only way to gather it is live. But why expose a reporter to extreme weather conditions when everyone else is told to get out of dodge?

I personally don’t gain anything by seeing a reporter blown about by the wind and dumped on by the rain simply to report, “Well, Jack, as you can tell it’s really windy out here and there’s a lot of rain.” What I care about is what the storm is likely to do over the next day or so, which gives me and others a chance to prepare, and not what it’s doing at that moment. Not to mention someone in a studio can tell me what it’s doing as well as someone on scene. For crying out loud, Mr. and Ms. news producer, let them in out of the rain and snow!

From All-Star to All-Flop

No surprise. Jason Giambi's miserable and injury-riddled year has earned him a spot on Sports Illustrated's All-Flop team for 2004. Here's hoping that he headlines the All-Comeback team for 2005.

Supercalifragi- listicexpialidocious

Here's something that's not atrocious: Mary Poppins has come to the stage. It's too bad (for those of us on this side of the Pond) that it's limited to London. Hopefully it'll be a smash and cross over.

Point. Counterpoint.

A Hollywood Republican (yes, Virginia, there is such a thing) is working on an answer to “Fahrenheit 9/11”. The documentary is titled “Celsius 41.11”, which refers to the temperature at which the brain begins to die from exposure to heat. As unabashedly liberal as I am, I’ve avoided “Fahrenheit 9/11” because Moore is too extreme for even me. However, this might make for an interesting double feature via Netflix.

I'll Save Them The Trouble

Wonderful. Jason Giambi is back, and the Yankees plan on playing him over the next couple of days "to gauge whether he can help them in their pennant race with the Red Sox." Let me spare them the trouble: has he ever helped the Yankees? Excluding when he played for the A's.

The Wild Wild West

With the intent of writing an entry expressing my dismay over the sunset of the assault weapons ban, I was doing some reading on the internet to bone up on the issue. In my search, I came across this scary letter to the New York Times:

< From Colorado Springs:

I am an internationally certified and recognized security expert. Regarding the sunset of the so-called assault weapons law, you folks in New York City and California can wring your hands. We in the West, South and Rocky Mountains look forward to the increased supply of high-capacity magazines and rifles.

Here, we can legally own machine guns, and carry concealed weapons with a permit. California, New York City and other places that restrict weapons ownership are at greater risk; your citizens cannot defend themselves.

This is important, as we've seen how well governments around the world protect their citizens. They cannot do it. It is up to all citizens to protect themselves and their fellow citizens. >

Regardless of your stance on the assault weapons ban, these sentiments are frighteningly dangerous. What the author seems to be advocating is a return to the Wild West, a vigilante society in which we police ourselves. How can we be trusted to use good judgment in policing society when police officers, who are extensively trained in handling crisis situations, make deadly mistakes far too often?

How Has This Happened?

Ok, Bush fans get on board and bash me, but explain the following to me please:

"Seven weeks before Election Day, the Republican is considered significantly more decisive, strong and likable than Kerry, and he has strengthened his position on virtually every issue important to voters, from the war in Iraq (news - web sites) and creating jobs — two sources of criticism — to matters of national security and values. "

From an AP story.

How has he accomplished all of the above? He has done little worthwhile as president. At least in my not-so-humble opinion.

This Really. . .

sucks.

Unless you're Russian. Then it rules.

This. . .

sucks.

Making matters worse, Andre Agassi lost earlier in the day, meaning I don't have any rooting interest when I attend the Men's Semis on Saturday. Alas, there are far worse things in the world, and I will stop whining.

At Last

For the first time since August 23 - yes, in 2 1/2 weeks! - the Yankees have gained ground on the Red Sox. With a sweep of their double dip against Tampa Bay, the Yanks are assured of gaining at least a half game even if the Red Sox, who are silly hot, win again.

Update: they picked up 1 1/2 games thanks to the Sox losing 7-1.

Be Careful What You Wish For

The relentless spate of hurricanes hitting Florida reminds me of how when I was kid living in Boca Raton I wanted to experience a hurricane. Thankfully my wish was never fulfilled, but ah, the foolishness of youth.

New York's Finest

This is why New Yorkers know that our police are the best in the world: No Police State.

Courtesy of Imshin

Andy Roddick

Awesome.

Watching Andy Roddick blast away on TV is impressive. Seeing it in person is phenomenal. In a display of power the likes of which I've never seen before, he blitzed past Tommy Robredo for a date in the U.S. Open quarterfinals against Joachim Johansson. The match promises to an absolute bomb-fest, as Johansson hits with Roddick-esque pace. I know where I’ll be Thursday night. Glued to the TV.

Serena Williams

Robbed.

I had never rooted for Serena Williams until Tuesday's night quarterfinals match against Jennifer Capriati. Williams was the victim of four inexplicably bad calls, all of which were apparent to the naked eye even from the heights of Arthur Ashe Stadium. The first cost her the first game of the decisive third set. The last three were the difference between breaking to even the third set at 5-5 and losing the set and match.

Dumbest.Headline.Ever

Clinton Absence Spells Either Boost or Bust for Kerry.

This reminds me of something a doctor once told my father about some medication he was prescribing. "This medication will do one of three things - Make it better; make it worse, or do nothing." I know I enjoy paying doctors hefty fees for telling me something I could have figured out on my own. Fortunately, I don't pay journalists hefty fees. Especially not for news I get on the Internet.

Blogging the Classics

Aha! A new meme from Better Living Through Blogging!: Blogging The Classics. "Just find a classic line from a novel -- opening line or otherwise -- and modify it to reflect blogging and/or bloggers."

"Now is the blogging of our discontent." (William Shakespeare, "Richard III")

"...there is only one thing in the world worse than being blogged about, and that is not being blogged about." (Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Gray")

"Nothing so needs reforming as other people's blogs." (Mark Twain, "The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson")

Crazier Than You

Well, maybe not. I really don't know how crazy you are. So I might not be crazier than you. But I definitely do have meshagos.

How, you ask, am I meshugenah? [Assuming you know what meshugenah means. If you don't, roughly translates it means "nuts" in the psychiatric technical term sense of the word.] I am possibly the world's worst e-mail and IM communicator. Those two forms of communication make it very easy for me to procrastinate. "Oh, I can respond to that e-mail tomorrow. I can log onto IM tomorrow." But you know about tomorrow - it never comes. So I put off responding to e-mails or logging onto IM until it reaches a point where whoever wrote to me is probably fairly pissed off. Which only makes me want to procrastinate more, as I hate conflict. So it's a vicious cycle.

Sure, you say, but you can do that with phone calls too. Well, that would be true. If I weren't meshugenah. If a friend or family member calls me, and I'm home, I have some perverse need to answer the phone, even if I'd rather not talk at that moment in time. If a friend or family member leaves me a message telling me to call back, I will have to call back. Of course, if they don't say I should call back or make it at all optional, then I don't feel the need to call back. In fact, I have this weird notion that if they really wanted me to call back, they'd have left me a very explicit message telling me to call back. Otherwise, I figure they don't really want to speak to me, but just left me a message to give me some information I didn't previously have.

No, this makes no rational sense. Like I said. I'm meshugenah.

Giving Yankees Fans A Bad Name

I have little doubt that Steinbrenner is behind this. As a Yankees fan, I have to say - Tacky. Very, very tacky. There was a hurricane. Cut them some slack. Are the Yankees so unsure of their ability to win that they are reduced to asking for a forfeit because of travel delays caused by a hurricane?

I love the Yankees, but I hate George Steinbrenner. Best thing that happened to the Yankees since I've been a fan was the two years he was banned from baseball. I curse the day they lifted the ban.

Kevin Brown's Not A Moron

He just has anger management problems.

Compare his story to this one. I report, you decide. [Well, okay, I've already decided, but you should make up your own minds.]

Remember this e-mail? I'm going to highlight the number of times I outright said "high-level" in it.

E-mail 1:

Lesley XXX
09/02/2004 02:11 PM
To: A, B, C … W
cc: X, Y, Z
Subject: The Budget Gauntlet

We’ve scheduled the Budget Gauntlet for Wednesday, Sept. 8th from 12 pm - 4 pm in Conf. Rm. 6E. Lunch and refreshments will be served. Mark this day in your calendars.

I’d like to start with the high-level overview of the strategic projects, with those program managers also presenting a high-level overview (allow me to stress the words “high-level” again) of any of their non-strategic projects right afterwards . Hopefully a half-hour per will work out. It’s not necessary for the program managers to be present for other program managers’ presentations, although if anyone is interested, please feel free to stay. As a starting point, let’s go in alphabetical order.

12:00 pm Project 1
12:30 pm Project 2
1:00 pm Project 3
1:30 pm Project 4
2:00 pm Project 5
2:30 pm Project 6
3:00 pm Project 7
3:30 pm Project 8

I know that some of these time slots may conflict with other meetings you might have. Rather than send around 50 million e-mails, I figured it was easier to put a stake in the ground. I’ll first ask that you try to reschedule any meetings you can. However, if you cannot, let the horse-trading begin.

Thanks.

Lesley

P.S. High-level

I think I said that the overviews are supposed to be high-level a sufficient number of times (four to be exact). Perhaps, though, I needed to repeat the phrase in every sentence, because following is an e-mail one of the managers sent to his/her direct reports regarding the presentations (it was forwarded to me with a request for a copy of the DCW).

E-mail 2:

A
09/02/2004 2:58 PM

To: B, C, D, E
Subject: The Budget Gauntlet

Please be prepared to present your resource projections on DCW level at this meeting.

DCW level. That means at a detailed level, not at a high-level. Aaargh!!!!!

Kevin Brown

Moron.

Mark This Day In Your Calendars

It's finally happened.

A momentous occasion.

There were people who said I was not a real American for never having done this.

That's right. I finally watched The Godfather.

Yes, it was excellent.

Is everybody happy?

Fiducially Yours, Goldland Lottery

I got a very exciting e-mail this evening. Apparently my e-mail address was attached to a winning lottery ticket. I've won $1,000,000! All I need to do to claim my winnings is contact Goldland Lottery's fiducially agent.

Fiducially agent? I work in finance. I've never heard of a fiducially agent. Do you suppose they meant fiduciary agent?

I would think con artists might consider learning to spell. Although I suppose they make enough money off suckers even with poor spelling.

Things That Really Annoy Me

People who call me up and say "Who is this?" in response to my "Hello?"

Here's a free clue - If you don't know who I am, you have the wrong number.

Damn Yankees

That about sums it up.

True Tales of Work Part II

One day I'm going to compile all these true tales of stupidity and publish them in book form to fund my retirement. But in the meantime, for your amusement, three true tales that occurred over the last two days. All other people will be referred to as A, B, C, etc. These may not be the same people from tale to tale.

Tale 1: How High Can You Count?

Background: We asked the managers who provide resources to multiple applications projects (shared services managers) to estimate the number of resources for each project and communicate the number to the application project manager. We also gave them the guidance that employee headcount (or, as we call them, colleagues) could not increase year over year.

Conversation:

A: "What do I do if I don't have enough colleagues to meet the project demands?"

What I thought: "Figure something out. I'm not paid to do your job."

What I said: "Either allocate consultants or consider using offshore resources. Preferably the latter. Just tell the project manager how many of your resources you estimate they need to do the work and let them know if it's a colleague, a consultant, or offshore."

A: "I've got 15 colleagues in my group. How will I know when I've run out of colleagues to allocate to projects and will need to allocate a consultant?"

What I thought: "I guess you'll have to remove one of your shoes to count as high as 15."

What I said: "Well, you're the one telling the project managers how many of your resources they need. You'll know, if you allocate 1 here, 2 there, etc., when you reach 15."

A: "Oh, okay."

Tale 2: Which Part of Friday, Sept. 10th Didn't You Understand?

Background: At a presentation I made in front of all the application project managers and shared services managers last week, I told them we would be scheduling a meeting, to be called the Budget Gauntlet, in which the application project managers would let the shared services managers know what the estimated scope of next year's projects would be so the shared services managers could come up with resource estimates. I also announced that budgets, submitted in something we call a DCW (Detailed Costing Workbook), were due by end of day on Friday, Sept. 10th. Following please find an e-mail trail after I sent out the announcement with the meeting schedule.

E-mail 1:

Lesley XXX
09/02/2004 02:11 PM

To: A, B, C ... W
cc: X, Y, Z
Subject: The Budget Gauntlet

We've scheduled the Budget Gauntlet for Wednesday, Sept. 8th from 12 pm - 4 pm in Conf. Rm. 6E. Lunch and refreshments will be served. Mark this day in your calendars.

I'd like to start with the high-level overview of the strategic projects, with those program managers also presenting a high-level overview (allow me to stress the words "high-level" again) of any of their non-strategic projects right afterwards . Hopefully a half-hour per will work out. It's not necessary for the program managers to be present for other program managers' presentations, although if anyone is interested, please feel free to stay. As a starting point, let's go in alphabetical order.

12:00 pm Project 1
12:30 pm Project 2
1:00 pm Project 3
1:30 pm Project 4
2:00 pm Project 5
2:30 pm Project 6
3:00 pm Project 7
3:30 pm Project 8

I know that some of these time slots may conflict with other meetings you might have. Rather than send around 50 million e-mails, I figured it was easier to put a stake in the ground. I'll first ask that you try to reschedule any meetings you can. However, if you cannot, let the horse-trading begin.

Thanks.

Lesley

P.S. High-level

E-mail 2

A
09/02/2004 02:57 PM

To: Lesley XXX
Subject: Re: The Budget Gauntlet

Leslie, due to the issues we have had this week with some of our major initiatives, plus B being on vacation, I am going to be hard pressed to have all of the DCW's completed by this coming Wednesday, knowing that tomorrow is a half day, & Monday is a Holiday. Please advise if I can get a few days extension.

Thanks!
A

E-mail 3:

Lesley XXX
09/02/2004 03:15 PM

To: A
Subject: Re: The Budget Gauntlet

A,

It's not DCWs that need to be completed by Wednesday. This is a discussion to help the Shared Services managers understand how much of their resources will need to be allocated to each project in 2005. No numbers are to be presented, just an overview of estimated scope. The DCWs are due on Friday, Sept. 10th.

Thanks.

Lesley

E-mail 4:

A
09/02/2004 03:19 PM

To: Lesley XXX
Subject: Fw: The Budget Gauntlet

Lesley, you stated below "I'd like to start with the high-level overview of the strategic projects", does that mean you are not expecting the DCW's that day? Please advise.

Thanks!
A

What I thought: "Which part of the DCWs are due on Friday, Sept. 10th wasn't clear?"

What I said in E-mail 5:

Lesley XXX
09/02/2004 03:21 PM
To: A
Subject: Re: Fw: The Budget Gauntlet

A,

I am not expecting DCWs on Wednesday. By a high-level overview, I meant what you expect to deliver next year, i.e. qualitative information. I expect DCWs on Friday, Sept. 10th.

Thanks.

Lesley

Incidentally, after this e-mail exchange, I sent out a clarification e-mail to the same distribution list. I figured if one person asked, 10 were thinking it.

Tale 3: Are You Dumb Or Just Lazy?

Background: Three or four times a month, I meet with the CIO to have her sign both invoices and approvals for purchases. We call these "signing parties". We use a form called an A/R (Appropration Request) for purchase approvals. The next signing party is on Tuesday, Sept. 7th. Another e-mail trail follows.

E-mail 1:

A
09/02/2004 03:47 PM
To: Lesley XXX
Subject: Re: Date of Next Signing Party - Tuesday, Sept. 7th

I have two hardcopies with B's and my ink on it.... shall I walk them up to you?

Thanks,
A

What I thought: "No, why don't you just give them to the guy behind the ticket booth at the train station and see if he can get them signed for you?"

What I also thought: "You're just lazy and want me to walk down and get them from you."

What I said in E-mail 2:

Lesley XXX
09/02/2004 03:50 PM

To: A
Subject: Re: Date of Next Signing Party - Tuesday, Sept. 7th

A,

Yes.

Lesley

Tune in some time in the future for more True Tales of Work!

Say It Ain't 'Zo

Granted, I am not a doctor, not even close, and his doctors are comfortable with the concept*. But it makes me very nervous for his well-being to hear that NBA star Alonzo Mourning is attempting a comeback less than a year after a kidney transplant. He's an aggressive low-post player who takes countless body shots in a given game. I don't see how that can be good.

*Update: apparently not the case. Seems like 'Zo's doc is as nonplussed as I am.

I Am Shocked

Are you as blindsided by this headline as me? Never in a million years did I think that a Republican VP and the keynote speaker at the RNC would be making the case for, of all people, a Republican President. I could have sworn they’d be pitching Kerry’s candidacy.