Plum Crazy

Last week, Amanda at Pandagon posted a column by Dan Savage in the Village Voice. A woman had written into Dan asking him whether or not she should forgive her ex-boyfriend for ignoring her explicit "No" regarding anal sex.

Go read the entire column before continuing.

Are you done? OK, if you like, now go read the comment thread at Pandagon. If you would prefer not to, we can still play "Spot the Rape Apologies!"

The woman and her boyfriend were stupid. She was stupid, because apparently despite having told him not just once, but several times that she never wanted to have anal sex, she should have known that some day he would force it on her when she was tied up. Therefore, she should have established a safeword, even though they had never said that the word "No" wasn't the signal to stop. That way, even if she suffered massive blood loss, he would be super-specially sure that she really didn't want to have anal sex. He was stupid for also not having established a safeword so he couldn't somehow miss the fact that she was bleeding profusely and continue anally raping her until he reached his orgasm.

She let someone untrustworthy tie her up, did she not? So, he was untrustworthy because he raped her. He raped her because he was untrustworthy. This is known as "begging the question." Apparently, she was also supposed to have special mind-reading powers or powers of precognition that would have allowed her to know that despite having previously listened to her when she said "No," he wouldn't this time. After all, women shouldn't actually trust that men can comprehend simple concepts like "No" and "Never," or shouldn't trust that men will respect them. Again, I have to point out the irony that it's feminists who get accused of believing that all men are rapists, even though we really do think that men are capable of understanding basic words and of respecting women's wishes.

No, you'd know that she believed she had made it clear it [anal sex] was not an option. One of two possibilities here. Either the woman was lying about the sequence of events, in which case we are faced with the old "women lie about rape" canard. Or we're supposed to believe that words like "No" and "Never" aren't clear to men, so women have to develop new and improved super-specific ways of conveying those concepts to them. That last one sounds a lot like "No doesn't really mean no," doesn't it?

Well, that's enough "Spot the Rape Apologies!" for now, kids. Enjoy the New Year!