People I'd Like to Bitchslap
Urban planners who put in brick sidewalks. They must be men. Sure, they look lovely, but they are killer on heels. Every urban planner who allows a brick sidewalk should be forced to walk across one in 3" heels every day for the rest of their lives.
People who use corporate jargon terms like "business partner." Can't we just call it "doing your job?"
Mike Bloomberg. Just on principle.
Idiots who Google search terms like "why have the jews gone crazy?" But what do I know? Evidently I've gone crazy.
The entire Boston Red Sox team. The Atlanta Braves too (tomahawk-chopping bastards), but if I had to make a choice, I'd go with the Red Sox first.
Steve Ballmer. Face it, Steve, Windows and Outlook are just lousily written programs. It's not just that there are more Windows machines than any other OS. It's that Windows is easier to write viruses for.
Ying-yangs who call hazing rituals where teenage boys have brooms shoved up their nether regions "kids getting carried away." I'm pretty sure that when most kids "get carried away," they do things like drink, smoke, have consensual sex with their partners, and borrow the car without permission. Shoving broomsticks in other people's bodily cavities was the kind of thing the Boston Strangler did or the sort of incident which landed NYC cops in jail. Kind of outside the scope of "getting carried away."
But not Trish Wilson, who has a new home and has posted incredibly cute kitten pictures.
Comments
Having earned a few $'s as a kid sweeping sidewalks let me speak up for men in general, at least those of us who have worked before. Bricks sidewalks suck. Maybe artists like them, maybe city planners like how they look, "the asthetic appeal ...." Real men don't worry about that kind of shit. We ask how long it will last, what forces it will bear, and how it cleans up. Add to your list any fool that paints a brick wall. They should have their head examined too. Maybe smack 'em with a brick so you can examine a bit more than the surface.
I can think of a good use for bricks, use them to brick in people like Steve Ballmer in some sort of Poe inspired prison. Brick him in a little cubicle and make him answer customer support calls when their PC's die due to a Microsoft fuck-up (no corporate jargon from me). Leave him bricked in until he until he blue screens.
Posted by: Justin | September 16, 2003 04:50 PM
People who say "orientated." Or say "I laid over there." (Really? How many eggs came out?) Or say "My mother and myself." I could go on...
I love the look of brick sidewalks but they're hell on rollerskates, and I love to skate.
Posted by: Lanya | September 20, 2003 03:43 PM