"The Return of the King" Protest
I was reading Laurence Simon's Amish Tech Support, when I caught sight of this website: The Return of the King Protest. They are protesting the third installment of the LOTR trilogy being named "The Return of the King."
The Return of the King Protest Organization ( www.theofficersclub.com/rotkpo ) is made up of a group of like minded individuals who were greatly affected by the death of Elvis Presley, The King. The owner of this website considers himself to be a facilitator for the sentiments which have already been expressed by people all over the world who were so deeply affected by the loss of ol' swivel hips.
I don't typically get into this, because I don't believe that the great impact Elvis Presley’s death had on me gives me any more standing to comment on it than anyone else. We were all affected by it. However, as this group has used it presumably as giving them greater authority to speak on the issue of sensitivity, I believe it is fair of me to use it in critique.
I loved Elvis Presley. As a child, I cried when my mother told me that when Elvis crooned “Oh let me be your teddy bear,” he wasn’t making the offer to me and that I was too young to understand what he really meant anyway. I used to listen to his records over and over. I slept with a framed picture of him near my pillow. When, on that fateful day in August 1977, the news reported that Elvis had died I was devastated. I refused to eat or sleep for days, staring in mute shock at my framed picture, putting flowers around it, lighting candles to it, all the while playing Elvis’ Greatest Hits until my father confiscated my record. I think it’s fair to say that I was “deeply affected by the loss of ol’ swivel hips.”
Nevertheless, I cannot agree with them that "The Return of the King" should be renamed. I cannot agree with them when they say "We believe that Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema's actions are in fact hate speech. … The movie is intentionally being named The Return of the King in order to capitalize on the death of Elvis Presley. Clearly, you cannot deny the fact that this falls under hate speech." In fact, that accusation is demonstrably false. You see, I figured something out after coming out of the shock I felt upon hearing reports of Elvis’ death which proves this untrue. This movie cannot be capitalizing on the death of Elvis, because Elvis is not dead! He is merely in hiding, waiting for the right time to resurface publicly. He’s been tantalizing us by letting a lucky few catch glimpses of him in malls in Ohio, preparing us for his imminent return. Don’t they get it? The movie is named “The Return of the King” because it heralds his triumphant reappearance. That’s right. The King shall, indeed, return!
NOTE: For those who may be confused, this is a parody. The Return of the King Protest is a parody of The Two Towers Protest (which may itself be a joke; no one's sure), and this entry is a parody of myself. In fact, I do not believe that Elvis is still alive, and was not and am not a big Elvis fan. I have never bought any of his recordings and don't own any now. I did go to Graceland once, but that was because I was in Memphis in business and, well, how can you be in Memphis and not visit Graceland?
Comments
Well, I've never been to Memphis -- but I can assure you I could go there, and never set foot in Graceland.
Oh, wait -- you mean Elvis is NEVER coming back? Oh no, the pain, the plane -- no, I mean the pain.
Posted by: Mom | January 5, 2003 05:45 PM
I love Elvis! I love the idea of eternal Graceland! I think these people need to take an anti-umbrage pill!
Posted by: Jane | January 6, 2003 12:16 AM
Hey plum, I just posted a thread about this on the 3DHS board. "The Return of the King" site is actually a parody of another site www.twotowersprotest.org which is saying that the second installment of Peter Jackson's LOTR trilogy should not be named "The Two Towers" because it will invoke the memory of 9-11. We're in trouble when people like this get their way.
Posted by: fatman | January 6, 2003 06:09 PM
Hey fatman. Yeah, I know. My entire entry was a parody of an entry I wrote about the TTT protest site. Sigh. I really don't think Elvis is alive. I have never been a big Elvis fan. I guess nobody clicked the MORE... link and read the entire entry.
Posted by: Lesley | January 6, 2003 06:11 PM
sorry plum, I looked but couldn't find it (I'm getting my eyes checked next week).
Posted by: fatman | January 6, 2003 06:56 PM
I got the joke but then again we share the same bloodline and warped sense of humor.
Posted by: Jon | January 6, 2003 07:03 PM
Pretty funny! Of course, the J.R.R. Tolkien books upon which the movies are based upon and get their titles from were published back during the mid 1950's...
Posted by: Patrick Carver | January 6, 2003 07:45 PM
I hate to break it to y'all, but that website was a spoof off another website that appeared in cyberspace earlier this year. The first website was protesting the "Two Towers" as they said it was captalizing off September 11, which of course is completely ridiculous, as the Two Towers was written over 50 years ago and the movie Two Towers was in the making before September 11. The Elvis website was almost an exact replica of the Two Towers protest site and was very cleverly done. Although I'm sorry the death of the king effected you a lot, I am glad that you did not take your grief to the extent of the writers of the first webpage.
Posted by: Griffin | January 28, 2003 06:52 PM
Hate to break it to you, Griffin, but if you read the entire entry you would have seen that I SAID IT WAS A PARODY. Don't people read entire entries any more?
Posted by: Lesley | January 29, 2003 07:26 AM
You Saddo!!!
Don't you have anything else to piss everyone off about you F**kin' faggot
Posted by: The Hooded Maffa | November 12, 2003 03:37 PM
Ooh, yet another troll. Well, first off, it would be difficult for me to be a faggot. I am neither a cigarette nor a gay man. In fact, I'm not a man of any kind.
Second, obviously you don't grasp the concept of PARODY. The entry wasn't meant to be taken seriously. I also question your reading comprehension skills, as apparently the last paragraph in which I said it was a parody and that none of it was true was incomprehensible to you. So sorry about your problem. Ever think of trying Hooked on Phonics?
Posted by: Lesley | November 12, 2003 04:46 PM
Thanks for a really good laugh! We take things way too seriously sometimes.
Posted by: MaliG | December 2, 2003 06:27 PM